[VANICE]

Sorry to anyone that I may have hurt by using the term "wrong reasons"! Finding a Bio-Parent is a personal journey. I have learned so much, but you are correct. Everyone is different. I wish you all well, in your searches and reunions.

[debsdone]

cool, thanks! This is turning out to be a good day! Debi

[dpen]

As an adult adoptee I have come to realize that in many situations "the best interest of the child" can be a fallacy the truth us alot of the adults involved in the triad only think of thier pain and not the vunerable infant they brought into the world, that may have become an adult. Your b-mom is being selfish and only thinking of herself, which can be common. You wanted to know the truth, you founf it, of course you can't be her daughter. You have a mom, what you were looking for was info...you got it. There was a reason why you and your amom got together..you love each other. Use that and go on. You owe your b-mpm nothing... and only give wwhat you can, if you want! My b-mom wanted to forget that for 29 years I was with and brought up by someone else. She also thought that I could be her daughter, all my daughterly feels went for my amom..and rightfully so. My amom died and my b-mom signed her cards mom and nana for my kids. I find that to totally disrespect my feelings. When we get together she doesn't want to hear about my childhood or about me. Its like it never happened. That hurt me because it proved to me it wasn't me she loved...but cared about her own pain! I have just started to get beyond that and I am 45 y.o. There is a genetic pull. I care as I would care about a friend, but i know that with her she comes first. I understand her pain and feelings but I am not responsable for them. I have a right to have reunions, find info, that i need, and get as close as ornot close as to b-parents as I feek comf. NObody b-parents or a parents can tell us how we should feel. We feel as we do and there is nothing wrong with ant od those feelings. We had no choice in our fate! I am not saying we be nasty or cruel, or insenistive to anyone, but we don't need to feel guilty for things we had no control over. My adad doesn't understand my need to search, I can understand that. But I still will and not feel guilty. I will NOT throw it in his face...thats cruel. So don't add guilt to your feelings, you deserve better!!! Donna
P.S. Please excuse typo's Good thing I am not a secetrary!!