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Old 04-14-2012, 01:02 PM
sjgizmo sjgizmo is offline
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Unhappy Contact birth family after the birthparent has died?

I am twenty-two and began looking for my birth family recently. My birthmother wrote me a beautiful letter explaining her decision to place me up for adoption, and in the letter she gave me the names and birthdays of several relatives as well as herself. So it wasn't difficult to begin searching for her, and for that I know I am lucky.

I eventually found my older half-sister's blog, which explained that my birthmother died from cancer related complications over a decade ago. Now I'm unsure how to proceed. My birthmother invited me to contact her if I ever chose to, so I know she wanted to meet me. But while there's evidence that my older half-siblings (I have three) knew about me, as did my birthmother's mom and sister, I cannot say if they'd want to hear from me. I'm also unsure how to contact them.

I was thinking of writing my birthmother's mom a letter explaining that I'm very happy and that I would welcome any relationship they'd like to have with me. I also believe I'm prepared to handle the emotional fallout if they want nothing to do with me. What I'm most worried about is what I should say in the letter. On my half-sister's blog she wrote how she and her grandma hate it when people tell them they're sorry my birthmother died. I want to give my condolences and explain how grateful I am to her for placing me up for adoption. But I don't want to offend them.

Advice and suggestions would be amazing!
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Old 04-14-2012, 01:48 PM
momof6maybemore momof6maybemore is offline
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I would reach out to all of them and see if they want contact. One many be very against contact while another may welcome it, for that reason I would reach out to all of them and not just take one persons word for wether contact it wanted or not.

I would just be honest with them. Tell them you were sadened to hear that "your" birthmother died and for their loss. Let them know that you were given a letter by her to contact her whenever you are ready and while it isn't possible to make contact with her now, that you would love to develope a relationship with them if they would like to.

I'm sorry about the news of your birthmom. That must be a difficifcult loss to bear not ever really having the chance to get to now her, but maybe you can get to know her through your birtfamily. I wish you the best of luck.
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Old 04-16-2012, 12:48 AM
murphymalone murphymalone is offline
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I am sorry to hear your bmother's gone. I would do as the poster above suggests. It's sound like good advice.
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