[chobson]

My mother is deceased and spent many years prior to her death looking for her birth mom. I have finally located her and want advice on what I should do. I feel my mother would have wanted to reach out to her birthmother and that is why I continued her search. I have thought about sending a letter to her with the obit from my mother not disclosing any details that would expose the situation to anyone other than her birthmother. But I am torn about contacting her. I do not want to create unnecessary grief and sadness for her birthmother.

What should I do? Send her the obit or let the issue rest. Thank you in advance.

Chris H.

[dpen6]

Chris,

I don't know how old your biograndmother is but I would not send an obit for first contact.

If in fact you want to contact I would write a letter and say something to the effect that you both may know this person, mention her name and birth date. say you are her child and was just looking for some information. Some one else here may be better able to word it in a way that does not seem intrusive

[kakuehl]

Dear Chris,

I'm trying to imagine how I would feel if I got an obit in the mail for my birthson, assuming I had never met him. I think that I would send a letter telling her what you have told us: that your mother spent years searching for her; that you continued the search and are glad to finally find her. Tell her a little about your mom (obits don't really tell a lot about the person). Share the obit and give her a way to contact you if she would like to.

[Dickons]

I agree with Dpen. Do not include the obit or that your mother has passed away but tell her in the letter that it is very important that she call you (collect) as you have news you do not want to share in a letter. I found out my birth mother had passed away via email, it was not the way it should have been handled.

Sorry for your loss.

Kind regards,
Dickons

[chobson]

Thank you for everyone's advice. I will take the advice given and send a very general letter that includes everyone's suggestions. I really appreciate the support that this forum provides.