[YENSENM]

Hi everyone,
Thanks to a very special angel I now have my brothers mothers information. With a little more research I was able to find her email address. I was planning on calling her tomorrow. But now I am wondering if I should send her an email. I have not told him that I have found her. I would like to talk to her first to make sure she even wants contact. I have found out that she has registered at various geneology websites concerning her own family but not about my brother so I want to tread carefully here and not push her away but at the same time I want instant results. Talking to her on the phone would be more gratifying. If I email her and she doesnt respond I will be left wondering if she got it, how often she checks her email, should I call her etc...
What do you all think I should say / do? I am after all a third party so it should be easier for her to talk to me first I would think.

[bakerjw]

I had to edit this after reading your other posts and realizing that you too were adopted.
I didn't read through enough posts to find out the following.
Is he searching for her?
Does he know that you are looking for her?

While it is good that you found her for him it is about him and his birth mother. The contact information should be given to him and then left up to him. Give him the information and abide 100% by his wishes. Some adoptees are all gung ho about searching and others aren't. To push someone along is only asking for trouble.

I might be wrong but from your tone, it sounds like it is more important to you than it is to him. You mentioned that you need instant results. You would like to talk to her first, etc...

IMHO. It's his call to make not yours.

[YENSENM]

Ok, I guess I do need to clarify a little. Lol, I am excited for him. He is excited too. And yes, he knows I am searching for her. He is aware of every step of this except the fact that I found out her name and number. I guess that's a good thing because I just called the number and it's out of service. I have only good intentions and just wanted to make sure she wanted contact before I gave him her info. Maybe I need to just step back.
Thanks!

[imprttuner2]

While I admire your enthusiasm I really do have to agree with Baker here. The actual act of contact should come from your brother. You are an amazing sister for helping him get to this point, but it really should be all put in his hands now. There are so many variables that could come into play that the ball should be fully in his court so he can react to any hiccups that may occur. Also I don't believe that calling first without him knowing would have been a good thing. It creates secrets and barriers that could come between you both. What if you called, got ahold of her, told your brother, but he wanted months to prep before he talked with her. You have now gotten expectations/defenses up on both sides that are going to simmer for however long it takes either party to take that next step. This whole process is called a rollercoaster for a reason. Just because you are excited one day doesnt mean you won't be terrified the next.

Hope I'm not coming off as negative. I'm really not meaning to. I wish you both the best in your search, and just a tip. call the local phone company and see if there was a forwarding number left in their system attached to that old number.

[YENSENM]

Thanks so much for all the good advice. I really do mean well. I will call the phone company as you suggest and then give my brother all of the info and step back.

[imprttuner2]

Sounds like a plan

Let us all know how it turns out