[imprttuner2]

Well... update time I guess. At the end of the month (Sept 09) they are going to call off the search for my birthmother. After 7 months of no contact. This is rather disappointing. We are drafting a nice letter saying that the door is open if she ever chooses to pursue this again.

Not sure how to take this news. Should I be worried that something happened? Should I be relieved I don't have to check the mailbox every day waiting for that letter? Should I be upset that I'm not important enough to write a letter to?

I don't know... At any rate thank you to everyone that has given me advice since this whole thing started. I really appreciate everything y'all have done for me. I'm not going anywhere either. I'll be lurking around the boards here and offering my 2 bits where I can.

Thank you all

Ryan

[bakerjw]

I know how you feel checking the mail box every day. I am on my second caseworker and have no idea of how they operate. Such as if they get a response from my birth mother will they call, send an e-mail, send a regular letter, or a mariachi band? It does suck to be in limbo.

I am assuming that you never did get a post card back. That is surprising as it is such a simple thing for someone to do to alleviate leaving someone hanging.

She may have gotten cold feet or may have moved for some reason. It is so hard to speculate. I seem to always assume the worst circumstances such as my birth mother moves around a lot and tracking her down is so difficult as opposed to her having a stable family and living in the same house for 40 years.

When directly questioned, my case worker advised me that they had searched death indexes because I didn't want to be sitting here hopeful of a response that may never come. It sounds like you are in much better contact with yours than I am with mine. Of course there is a 650 mile distance between us.

The "open door" letter is a good idea. Hopefully she will open it soon.
Best wishes.
John

[imprttuner2]

Originally Posted by bakerjw

It sounds like you are in much better contact with yours than I am with

Yeah... I work down the hall from mine. I'm one of the data support specialists for the org I was adopted from. I talk 3-4 times a week with my case worker who is a very nice lady and feels really really bad about everything that has happened.

[feelingconfused]

Dear imprttuner,

My husband is having some of the same issues as you. In 2007 we started to search for his birth mother. Well on this website we found a VERY close match found this birth mother had been searching since 2003. Well think that she wanted contact after posting all of her information we are now going on year three and no response. But I can say we have exchange emails with her husband and daughter but not her. We've also filled out all of the forms that Minnesota requires to find out information but since she has not signed off agreeing nothing is available.

I must say that it at least sounds like she is for sure your birth mother and I have faith she will respond.

How ever for my husband we have not been able to confirm or exclude the person who is looking for him and every avenue leads us to her. We've just asked her to help us confirm one way or another so that we can move on and not spend a lot of time and money running after something else but she won't confirm or exclude herself.

Hang in there and keep us posted when she does contact you.

My husband's information is dob 08/03/69 MN.

[imprttuner2]

Originally Posted by feelingconfused

she has not signed off agreeing nothing is available.

Limbo... We be stuck in it... lol

That's what I don't get. They were in contact with her, and she was super excited from what my case worker was telling me about the case. But then some hand of God type stuff happened here and poof... nothing for months. That has actually been eating away at me a bit. I have her first name, and all the non-ID'ing info. I have how old she was and all that. I was the one that was quazi resisting at first, for the sake of my parents, and now I feel like since I did that I may have missed out on the opportunity. (when I say resisting, it took me a week to sign the paper was all) I just pray that nothing bad has happened to her.

[bakerjw]

It is something that we never talk about and is the fear of every adoptee that searches. That they may get real close and their birth parent will have passed away.

Hang in there. Life changes sometimes cause people to reevaluate their priorities but the important ones always come back into focus eventually.

[evansmum]

I'm in a similar boat, though I did get one letter and a couple of email from my birthmother before she stopped communicating with me. She also signed with the Adoption Disclosure Registry in the province I was born, requesting contact.

I have her email address, so I send her a line every 6 months or so just saying hi, how are you, etc. Nothing for a couple of years now, but they aren't coming back undelivered so I'm hoping that she's at least getting them and knows that *I* am thinking of *her*, and if that's all I can go on, then it will have to do.