[thewho]

I've recently had to have research done on my birth certificate and I was told I was adopted. This is HUGE news to me! My mother has never told me. I had NO IDEA! My mom is very ill and I can't stress her out by asking and I know she would deny it anyway. Is there a way to find out for sure? How do I deal with this? I am in my 30's and found out 4 days ago this is a possibility. While searching on this website, I found my date of birth, hospital I was born in, my first and middle name and my possible birth mother's name. It is too much of a coincedence. I contemplated calling my birth mom, since she is obviously looking for me.. but I emailed her instead. I haven't heard anything, but I will give it time. She hasn't posted anything I could find since 2000. Her phone number is unlisted. Can someone help with some confusing questions I have? I was born in Michigan in 1971 and I think my birth mother lives in Florida. Looks like she's been searching a while and I had no idea.

[SoniaRose]

Oh, I cannot begin to imagine the emotional turmoil you must be going through right now -- you must feel like your whole world has been turned upside down. And everything is happening so very fast for you. There have been other adoptees on these forums who find out later in life that they were adopted. My parents told me early on that I was adopted, so I can't fully understand the shock to suddenly make that discovery. However, your mom probably thought she was doing the right thing for you, and considering her health, you are right in not asking her any questions at this time.

Hopefully you will make contact with the woman who may be your birthmother, and many of your questions will be answered. If you can't reach her with the email address, maybe you could post again and ask for help in locating her. Also, please don't hesitate to post again with any questions or if you need emotional support. Please give yourself time to come to terms with the fact that you may be adopted; take it slow. The truth will reveal itself.

I'm not sure what else you can do in the state of Michigan to access your birth records. Hopefully you'll be matched with the birthmother who is looking for a baby born on your b-day in the same hospital, and you will feel and see a connection. And there's always the option of DNA testing.

Take care -- wishing you peace.

[geogdeb]

Did she leave a physical address? Sometimes email addresses change, but you might try mailing a letter to the physical address. There are other ways of getting in touch but they require some creativity. Let us know how it goes.

Deb

P.S. She is probably very anxious to find you.

[bakerjw]

Oh wow. I can imagine the turmoil that this has caused at your age. But, at least it sounds like a lot of groundwork has been done for you which is great. Tumultuous for certain but still great.

In the long term, you can go to the state where you were probably adopted and ask for non identifying information regarding your adoption. If they have any then it is sure that you were adopted. Register with the ISSR and other match sites to see if they give you hits as well. It takes time but get your ducks in a row.

One quick word of advice. Keep some information held back for verification purposes. Even though you have a good idea of who your birth mother is, there are those who take advantage of our situation.

If it were me, I'd ask your mom even though she is sick. Adoptive parents hide the adoption for fear that they will lose their child. They don't realize that when the truth is known that everything that they've ever said or done will come under scrutiny. Hiding that a person is adopted is just plain wrong.

Best wishes and let us know how it is going.