[poppylp]

A while ago I accessed my birth records and they contained the names and addresses of my birth mother and my birth grandmother at the time of my adoption. After a bit of searching, it turns out that my birth grandmother still lives at the same address where she was living all those years ago (which is coincidentally only 10 minutes from where I live now, and from where I grew up)!

I am tempted to write my birth grandmother a letter, introducing myself and explaining that I don't want to cause any trouble, but to ask whether she has any information on where my birth mother may be living now (I know that my birth grandmother knows of my existence as she was asked if she would be a carer for me before I was adopted). My only reservation is that my birth mother didn't have a good relationship with her mother at the time of my adoption, and also has a mental illness, so it has been recommended that any contact should be made by an intermediary. Given that, I will avoid making any direct first contact with my birth mother without arranging an intermediary and I'm prepared for her to not want to have any contact with me. My only problem is that I don't know where she is living at the moment, and given the situation, I'm afraid that contacting another member of her family directly may cause problems for either her or her family. Apart from my birth grandmother though, I have hit a complete dead end in my search!

I was wondering whether anyone else has attempted to contact another member of a birth parent's family first or been in a similar situation.

Poppy

[cetalley]

poppylp, I am a firstmom,(bmom)and have not located y twin sons, however IMHO,I feel you have every right to locate your family members, it is not your responsibility or fault that your firstmom had issues with her mother. If your firstgrandmother is indeed aware of you, then I would say go for it. Many things may have changed from the time you were born. I would also suggest to you to be prepared for any and all outcomes, expecting nothing more than you are willing to give. As a firstmom, my only hope is to meet my sons, anything they wish from that meeting, I will honor. Life is really too short, so go with your heart, and find what it is you seek...Blessings and keep us posted, there are many wise people here to listen and help!

[HouseMouse]

I just saw this post and I sure hope you contacted that grandmother. Go for it your the one put up for adoption and if they didn't want contact the addresses could have been with held.

Just Do it

[cetalley]

Poppy, How are things going? Please keep us updated, come talk, we will listen. HOPE ALL IS GOING WELL...BLESSINGS...C.J.

[poppylp]

Hi,

Thanks for all your replies and sorry for not posting a reply earlier. I've been putting off writing the letter because I'm not quite sure what to say. It's almost like having writers block, every time I sit down to start writing, my mind just goes blank!
I'm also a lot more wary since I've learned that I have a half brother (by my birth mother) who's only 17 and I've been warned is 'dangerous'. I don't want to make things anything more difficult for my birth family or put any of my current family in any sort of danger, I just don't know what to do.

[poppylp]

Hi,

Just to update on what's happening, I finally sent the letter to my birth grandmother and I had a reply - not from my birth grandmother herself - but from someone who is in contact with my birth mother. I have contacted them and even thought the situation is a bit complicated, they are happy to talk to me and possibly, in the future, tell her about me getting in contact.

[saj]

I think that's wonderful. Good luck!