[fractalgirl]

A month ago, I submitted my form for an active post-adoption search. I've had some non-identifying information about my birth parents and bmom's family for some time. Last week, I got my my Adoption Order with my birth name. The letter also told me that my birth mom had registered for contact and social services had written her at her last known address and were awaiting reply. I spoke to a social worker today who said that bmom has to send in a form to have a reunion proceed. Then, after about two months social services will initiate the reunion (first with letters, leading up to eventual contact).

So...today I decided to search the local obituaries with my birth name (the internet is so awesome). Lo and behold, I think I found my bmother. The family description matches the info that I had - the man was about the age that my bgranddad would be and he has 3 daughters.

The kicker is that one of the daughters has her own daughter named Myrla. My bname was Myrna. Coincidence? I don't think so.

Of course the obit had the married names of all the daughters and they all live nearby so I have actual phone numbers.

What do I do now???
Do I wait for a mediated reunion next spring?
Do I call?
Do I write?

I'm freaking out. I just want to call right this minute but need to think this out. I've been reading all about reunions but not too much about first contact.

EEeeek!!

[RavenSong]

Personally, I would call her, especially in light of the fact that she's previously registered for contact with you. I know you must be pretty nervous...I know I would be totally freaked out.

If it's too scary to call her on the phone, then I would go with writing a long letter.

Whatever you decide, good luck on your journey!

[LMNGambino]

I couldnt wait. There is NO WAY I could let someone else take the matters into their hands. It is YOUR life!! You know she has registered- go for it! Now- life's too short!

[fractalgirl]

I CALLED!

No luck though -the phone was busy and I did the thing where the phone company would ring your phone when the line become available after an hour. Nothing. By then it was too late so I got myself all worked up for nothing. Still, I think it was a good thing since I probably will be calmer today. So I'll try again tonight.

I got a little script ready. And thought about want I wanted to accomplish. I just want to make sure it's really her first, of course. Then I think it would be best to write and email for awhile. I need time for this all to sink in.

I also need to talk to my parents about all this. I was planning on telling them about the search...but now look at how much more there is to explain all at once. Yikes.

Finding her was too easy. It helps that I am back home and we don't have that many people around here... lol.

I guess I never thought that I could take such action on my own. It's like I was still letting others control my fate like in the case of adoption.
Wow. What an insight.

[Jackiejdajda]

Give yourself permission..
Such a hard thing to do..

I hope it works out..good for you..

Jackie

[bakerjw]

I would personally write a letter as I get distracted easily when facing emotional conversations. I find it much easier to put my thoughts together and not run the risk of being derailed. But, to each their own.

I would not use the social service agency though. I would go as far to say that probably more than 90% of the agencies out there always have to justify their existence and part of that all comes at a cost.

Best wishes.

[cetalley]

You have been given awesome advice, do what your heart wishes. It is YOUR RIGHT TO. Give yourself permission to do so. I am a firstmom, and would expect nothing less of my sons. I hope this has a happy beginnig, but be prepared for anything, and you will be fine....

[RavenSong]

You are so brave... I know it takes a lot of courage to get past the fears and pick up that telephone. Be sure to to write down your thoughts and questions on a piece of paper, so if the conversation becomes awkward, you can just look at what you've written. I did this the first time I spoke with my son on the phone. There were such deep emotions that I almost went speechless at one point during the conversation. Fortunately, I had written down what I wanted to say and questions I wanted to ask before calling him. Otherwise, I'm afraid I would have come off as a basket-case, lol.

Good luck...you're doing great!

[fractalgirl]

Trying again this evening. Got questions all written down and I've been rehearsing my opening schpeal all day long.

[RavenSong]

Originally Posted by fractalgirl

Trying again this evening. Got questions all written down and I've been rehearsing my opening schpeal all day long.

I'm sitting here on pins and needles! Be sure to let us know how it turns out tonight. I'm thinking good thoughts and sending some positive energy your way!

[fractalgirl]

I called my bmom!

Well, the number I had turned out to be her ex-husband so he gave me her number. She is still in the same city as me. With no address and just a phone number I had no choice but to call.

I called a couple of time but no answer. My third call, she answered. I verified her maiden name and asked her about my birthdate....and then alas!

Once she was on the phone, my nerves calmed. It was the strangest thing. It was very unreal. We talked for 20 minutes about general stuff. I have a half sister who is 11yo (I'm 34 so whoah). She told me about my birth and asked all about my parents. She told me that she wanted to meet them, but in the meantime, she wants me to say than-you to them for her. We are going to talk again next week.

Afterwards, I thought that would be freaking out but I ended up having the best night's sleep in long time!

So another chapter of life begins!

[zxczxcasdasd]

sounds like a promising beginning.

[Dickons]

Incredibly wonderful...

Savor every moment, stay as positive as you are now!

What a holiday season this will be for you.

Kind regards,
Dickons

[sstuart]

Congratulations I am glad it went so well. Be prepared for a waterfall of emotions!

[cksmom]

WONDERFUL!!! I am so happy for you! Please keep us posted as I know I love hearing about happy reunions.