[kyleh]

I am 36, male, born on Halloween in Wichita Falls, TX in 1972. I was unnamed and adopted at birth by a great set of parents that raised me well. I was an interracial adoption, which I suppose was probably rare in '72. My birth certificate states that I'm a 'caucasian male', but I'm pretty much not. I understand that wasn't uncommon back then.

When I created my profile on this site months ago I was just a bit depressed and basically did it just to put my name 'out there' somewhere in case birth family people were ever curious. Unfortunately, I didn't study the site well enough to know about the the search angels, so by the next day I knew who my birth mother is. I've lived my entire life telling myself and others that I don't want to know who my birth parents are, but now the cat's out of the bag, so to speak.

Both of my adoptive parents are gone, father died when I was 17, mother about 5 years ago. Oddly enough as an adopted male I am now the oldest person in my family line, so I've seen a lot of loss in my life obviously. I have one sister, and two nieces that I would do anything for.

So here is my problem. Since my sister is a natural birth, she is knowledgeable of her medical history and can take steps to live the longest life she can. I don't know anything about my blood medical history, my mom never really talked about it much other than to tell me that I had no known health issues to worry about as far as she knew. I am married and have my younger sister and her kids to be there for, so I really want to have a better idea of what I'm genetically looking forward to in the future. That information I suppose is now a phone call away, at least potentially.

My fear, though, is that I don't really want another 'family'. I would like my medical history, but I don't really want to be anybody's 'son' other than my mom's. On the other hand I am naturally curious and wouldn't mind having a conversation or two, letting someone know that I am alive and well, and that I was raised right. I appreciate that someone gave birth to me, but I don't have any feelings for them at all.

Is this normal? Has anybody been through this? Does anyone have advice? Just rereading what I've written makes me kind of feel like I'm a cold hearted person, but I'm really not. I need to resolve this soon, I've lost a lot of sleep over the months that I've had a name, address, and phone number that I told myself I never wanted.

P.S. I'm not knocking the search angels, it is fantastic what they are doing.

[SoniaRose]

Welcome to the forums. It is perfectly normal to be hesitant in contacting your bmom -- it's a huge step -- not everyone wants to open Pandora's Box because one never knows what he will find. No, you are not cold hearted. Many people don't want to search. My abrother, for example, is content to know nothing about his bparents. He believes that sometimes it is better to let sleeping dogs lie.

If I were you, I would write a letter rather than call your bmom to give her more time to get over the initial shock and respond. Tell her you are interested in learning your medical history. You can even write that you are not ready for a relationship with her at this point in your life, but that you just wanted to let her know that you are alive and well. Sometimes our brelatives aren't looking for a relationship either; but if you don't take that first step, you will never know. And if you keep worrying, you will never get any sleep.

Good luck with whatever you decide.