[jturbocarter]

i am not sure how to proceed with making contact. I do know from other threads to write a letter. but i have no idea what to say. im not even sure if i should make contact. i dont know how i fell about this women anymore. for a long time i have had resentment issues toward her. but i feel like if i dont make contact it will continue to eat away at me inside. i am also not sure how i would handle it if it turns out bad. i really dont feel i have any1 to speak with about it who understands it from my point of view. can someone help me out

[bakerjw]

Letters are always tough to write. I don't know first hand but someday I may be at that point. The main thing is to keep it simple and to stress the need to go slow.

You may have questions but a sure way to taint the water is to start with heavy questions and by adding a lot of drama. Just take it slow.

Remember that the greatest rewards come with the greatest risk. You may get rejected and be hurt from it, but if not, then it could be more healing than you can imagine.

Best wishes.

[JustPeachy]

Is there an adoption support group in your area you could go to? My agency offers a support group for triad members in reunion or contemplating reunion. It has been very helpful to see other people going through this and how they handled the difficult emotions that come up. If you can get private counseling, too, this would be helpful. And read books about adoption reunion. Educate yourself as much as possible. And take your time. If you are not quite ready to write the letter, maybe take a step back and examine your feelings more. Or put your thoughts in a journal for now. You could always write something and then put it aside, too. Maybe make a few drafts of your letter. You'll know when/if it's right and when the right time is to send it.

[kune]

jturbocarter
I get the impression that it's not the actual words that you are missing for your letter..... more like you are still wavering on whether you want to step into the emotional whirlpool.
Can I suggest you do really know what you want? But like everyone you cannot be sure what you will get. That's the really scary part. BUT if you never put yourself out there and give it your best try, you will remain in the undecided place you are now.

If you decide to write, it doesn't need to be a book. Maybe a card with the questions asked (are you my birthmother?) and a contact address where she can contact you. If you want to add more, tell her a little about your life, who you the grown-up is, and what you would like (eg. if possible to be part of your life / meet you in the future / have knowledge of where you came from /etc etc. If you google birthmother letter you will come up with various senarios.


I like peachy's advise about drafts - the more you try the easier it gets. And reading adoption reunion material. Knowledge is good. I'd add a positive attitude. To me that would be the No 1 tool for a successful reunion. I think you are a guy ??? so maybe this is harder for you. Maybe PM some of the rare guys who post on the forums and ask their advice.

Good luck whatever you do.
Ann