[AudraLeigh]

Hello,

I have been quietly reading this forum for quite some time and have relished all of the wisdom. Thank you to all who share here.

I am a birthmom and am about to meet my BD for the first time...tomorrow! I'm excited, nervous, scared and well, you can imagine.

I have a million questions, but what is most troubling me this morning is this....

My BD is 19. I also have 3 other (raised) children, who are 25, 14 and 12.


My 25 yr old (raised) daughter has made some bad choices in her life and because of where she is in her life, (Partying and very secretive) I am hesitant to give her, or my BD any information that may lead to them uniting. They both know about each other, and my RD knows I have received contact, but nothing more. They actually live fairly close to one another and honestly, I worry that my RD may make a bad connection and/or be a bad influence on my BD.

My other 2 children live with me and will be meeting my BD soon, but I feel a need to protect my BD from my eldest RD. Then of course I feel guilty for that, feeling like my first loyalty should be to my RD, but it is my BD that I am feeling the need to protect.

Any words of wisdom?

Audra

[cetalley]

First off congrats. on finding and getting to meet you daughter, I am so happy for you. I am a firstmom, like yourself, and relinquished twin sons whom are now 22, and yet to find them. Having said all that, it is my humble opinion, that you should allow your daughter to meet her big sister, after filling her in on her"ways". Every person whom has been relinquished to adoption, has the basic RIGHT to meet ALL their relatives, if that is what they desire. I do not think you will want their meeting to take place until she is comfortable with the whole "family" thing......Just talk to your daughter, explain, and let the cards fall as they may...Again congrats, and blessings with the reunion...

[bakerjw]

Congrats.

It is only my opinion, but I think that the primary focus needs to be building a solid relationship between you and your BD. The fewer people involved early in the reunion, the better chance that it has of succeeding.

For instance, if when I get to meet my bmom she wants to bring a bunch of family along, I will decline getting together. I want to ensure that we have the best chance possible of developing a solid relationship.

As for my family being involved in my first reunion, none of them will be there if and when we meet. My family is full of well meaning people that would never do or say anything wrong, but it could be a distraction.

I am sure that your kids will meet some day and it will be a great time, but at first it is all about the 2 of you.

Best wishes.

[AudraLeigh]

Hi Connie,
Sorry for the slow reply. The last weeks have been, as I have read over and over, a roller coaster, and I have been a bit overwhelmed with emotions.
I do want to thank you for your response. The siblings did talk on the phone and as it turns out, there really was not a lot of interest shown in making a connection there, but there door is open should they want to connect. Anyhow, thank you again. I appreciated hearing your thoughts.

I wish you the best in your search for your boys, Connie.
Audra

[AudraLeigh]

Thank you, John.

Again, I'm sorry for the late reply. My life went into a bit of a wirlwind with the reunion and I'm just now feeling back to par. : )

The siblings did talk on the phone, and may meet some day but there was really not much interest shown on either part to do so, so my worrying was for not I think.

Thank you again for your response and I do wish the best for you and locating your mother.

Audra