[4everlovingmyBM]

Dear Readers,

What a year this has been for me!! I started this year searching for my biological father. Surpised that I found someone of interest in the middle of January. I found my birth-mother 6 years ago. She really didn't tell me much about my father. It was a painful memory and didn't want to go into details about it. Well, I wanted to know. I wanted to feel whole of myself. I asked questions behind her back; not to hurt her; just to know who he is.

Well, I found this man and asked him if he remembered being with my mother. He said no, but was willing to take a DNA test. His wife said that her husband isn't my father and that her ex-husband was. I told her let me take a test with your husband now, and then I'll see from there. Long story short..he wasn't my birth-father. Anyway, a couple of weeks later I get a call from a potenial brother. This would be the brother that was related to the ex-husband.

I wanted to know before even taking a test with the first guy what the other man looked like. Lets say..if I would of saw a picture of this man in question. I wouldn't of took a test with the first guy!! I am the spitting image of the man in question. Anyway, the brother was willing to take a test with me. His father didn't want to contact me until the results came back as we were related. The DNA test I took with my potential half-brother was a 25% test!! It came back; that we weren't related.

So...I have been let down twice. I don't believe the test results, because of the similarites I have with the man in question. I even look like the brother, too. The man in question admitted with being with my mother around that time. And his story adds up to my mothers, except he said she said it was her boyfriends baby and not his.

Why would my birth-mother lie to me for 31 years? Her story hasn't changed. I mailed her pictures of the two men. Knowing one of them has admitted and the other one I diffently know isn't my birth-father. I want to take a test with the man in question. He believes the test results. That I am not his daughter. I think he is in denial. He has something to hide.

All I want is to know if he is or isn't my birth-father so I can move on!! Anyway, I added a picture to my profile of me. Now I guess I'll do my own poll. If you want to see a picture of the man in question go to nextcat.com/limotom

Please let me know what you think. And what I need to do. I wish someone could sneak and get a DNA sample from him So, I can prove to him that I am his daughter!! I have two children and they have a right to know, too. My birth-mother said that was him in the picture. I have let him know what my birth-mother said. He hasn't said nothing to me. (No contact) Hopefully this will all end soon.

Thanks for taking the time to read and respond.

Sincerely,
~L.W.~

[Dickons]

LW,

Your story has similarities to mine with the same results...

I found my half-brother after my father refused contact. He agreed to do a DNA test with me. The results came back as unlikely, but further testing with additional parties was suggested. I did not want to push my half-brother to do more than he had already done so I dropped it. Everyone I showed his picture to / compared to my image of the same pose agreed we must be siblings. I know he is my brother but I can't push him...maybe someday...

What I have found out since the test...Female half sibling vs Male half sibling with the relationship on the paternal side, has an incredibly high rate of non matches because you are only testing two people who only share a father without having an additional person to define and reduce the variables.

1. We all have two copies/versions of the same gene - one from the father and one from the mother, but you cannot determine which copy of the gene came from which parent in this specific dna test, so you cannot reduce the number of variables.

2. We each inherit 50% of our fathers genes but that fifty percent is random as to which of his two copies/versions we get, so I may only get 20% of the the same copies/versions of the genes my brother got randomly, or I could get an 80% match because it is random, fifty/fifty chance for each gene.

The math makes it almost impossible to make any clear match without reducing the varibles. Adding your mothers dna should provide the answer to which copies of the genes you inherited came from her - that is plain math - your copy number matches one of her two copy numbers, so that the statistical analysis has move data to validate the relationship - they only need to match one of your brothers two copies to one of yours because they know what copy number you got from your mother. The same would go if your father was willing or if you have another half sibling on your fathers side to add to the data.

What I have also found is that there is NO agreed % number in male to female half-sibling relationship on the paternal side to confirm a relationship. Some reports say only 15% need to match. Personally, 15% when you understand how it works and what math is based on, seems more than reasonable to me when you sit down and do the math, which is possible if you a good researcher on the internet.

Hope that made sense.

Kind regards,
Dickons

[4everlovingmyBM]

Thanks for the info. I went to the library the other day and checked out books about DNA. If I did more research on the test I took, I wouldn't of took it with him. Another thing is too; his mother didn't want him to take a test with me. So, how do I know he really took it. He lives in Colorado and I live in Georgia. We did a home kit in the mail. I paid $400.00 for a 25% test result. How dumb was I? Anyway, I am not going away..you know give up. I am giving them sometime to adjust. Then I will ask the man in question to take a test with me. Hopefully, he will contact me soon and say yes, lets take the test. Guess I'll see when I see. Thanks again.

[cetalley]

I am a FirstMom, and am sad to hear, that other adults (FIRSTMOMS AND FIRSTDADS), refuse to acknowelge their past and move forward. I have yet to reunite with my 22 yr. old twin sons. having said that, it is their inherent right to know of their origins. Plain and simple! I am upset that your firstmom refuses to talk of her past, I do understand there are circumstances that are painful to re-live, but this is NOT about the parents...its about the children needing to know who they are and feeling whole as ones-self. I can only hope you will print some of these wonderful post or you can give her this forum, to read about the importance of putting to rest many years of unanswered questions. All along the things I did ...I did for my twins, it will be the least I owe them...answers to their heritage. I have a 29 yr old...and have ALWAYS been honest in all he has ever asked...I will continue that with my twins...if they ever want to know me...I wish you luck...do not be afraid to push for answers...they are adults...and no matter what , they owe you their honesty......

[4everlovingmyBM]

Yes, they are adults, and I have right to know. Thanks for your kind words. Hopefully you'll reunite with your twins sons soon. They should know there (firstmom). Your right to my bmother's circumstances; no matter how painful they are, she should let me know. I did ask her about her being with a different man other than my bfather. That was a very hard question for me to ask. I didn't want to make her feel like she was sleeping around. She told she had a boyfriend at the time I was conceived, but she wasn't sexually involved with him. I believe her, because I told her what he said to the brother about her. The man in question said I was her boyfriends baby. She said, she told him nothing. So, its two different stories with that. The concepion story adds up, only he makes it seem it was her fault; not his. Did I mention at the time, he was married; married to the brothers mom. When he found out my mother was pregnant, he hid. My mother went looking for him and asking questions at his wife's work. They gave my mother a false name. Funny how time flies, because later after all these years. His ex-wife married to a man that had the same first name of the false name. That's how I ended up taking a test with her husband now. I know this story is confusing. All I want out of this is the truth. I have thought about writing a letter to one of his neighbors to see if they would try to get a DNA sample without him knowing. My husband said, that is crazy. LOL I told him I know. Really, I don't want to get more people involved. I might threat to take this public, then maybe he'll take the test. Who knows?? Anyway, hope you have a great day and be BLESS!!

~L.W.~