[cassondra_blue]

I searched for my birth family for about 5 years, after many unsuccessful attempts I gave up 2 years ago. On Saturday out of the blue the husband of my birth mother called "trying to open doors for me". I yelled at him, told him to leave me alone and my family. He said they had known where I lived and my name for almost 13 years or so. I feel angry and don't want anything to do with them. I can't understand why I feel this way, I feel bad for yelling at this poor man, I didn't even ask my mother's name or his name or anything about them. I just hung up. If anyone has any insight on these feelings I would greatly appreciate them.

[dlb003]

Hi cassondra_blue -

Perhaps they caught you off guard and you didn't know quite how to react ?

Perhaps you are ANGRY because you put so much effort and emotion into your search, only to end up with dead ends. And then to find out they knew where you were all along ?

Perhaps you are ANGRY at them for having this information for 13 years and NOT contacting you.

Perhaps you are ANGRY that the husband called you and not your Bmom ?

Perhaps he called at the wrong time, as there is something going on in your life right now that has caused you to take it out on them ?

Perhaps you are just ANGRY at the injustice of it all....

Maybe it is all of the above.

Take your time to sort this out and figure out if you do want these people in your life, after all there was a reason you began to search in the first place.

I hope you find your way...if you need to chat, please do not hesiate to PM me. I am going through my own numbness in this long process.

Deanna.

[jrainbow]

I'm sure it was really just a shock and sometimes we all don't handle shocks the way we wish we had.

It appears that you have a choice at this point. You can say ... "well, I screwed that up and this is all over" or you can pick up the phone and call him back (or have someone else call him) and say something like ... "i'm so sorry - I have no idea why I reacted the way i did." Then you can continue to talk or you can say .. i'm not sure I'm good on the phone right now - can we exchange emails for a while - or whatever you like. You searched for 5 years ... obviously you want some answers. As to why they sat on your information for 13 years, obviously she was afraid (probably still is since her husband called) and probably didn't feel she had any rights.

It is a rocky start ... but it is a start. The question is - are you going to go thru that "open door". Imho, GO FOR IT, GIRL. You have nothing to lose ... and lots of upsides.

Good luck.....
Jill

[djvj]

i agree completely with the above post.

anger is a part of reunion, as is sadness, fear, regret, grief, etc...

i hope you are able to work through these emotions and come to peace with whatever you decide to do

[cassondra_blue]

Thank you all for your thoughts, I did call them back the next day and talked to my Bmom, she is very nice and we talked probably for 2 hours. I have been going through a tough time right now, I am 23 and 800 miles from home and just left my husband and moved out on my own for the first time. It's frustrating, and I think they really did catch me at a horrible time in my life. I am exciting to se where this goes. I have three brothers BTW. How neat !

[bromanchik]

Originally Posted by cassondra_blue

Thank you all for your thoughts, I did call them back the next day and talked to my Bmom, she is very nice and we talked probably for 2 hours. I have been going through a tough time right now, I am 23 and 800 miles from home and just left my husband and moved out on my own for the first time. It's frustrating, and I think they really did catch me at a horrible time in my life. I am exciting to se where this goes. I have three brothers BTW. How neat !

So they have known where you are since you were 10? Makes sense that they would not contact you. Most birthparents are told they have no right to contact the child they placed. They are also told that calling them at the age of 18 is a bad idea. Sorry that they called at such a rough time in your life. They could be a blessing in disguise.

[dpen6]

Maybe it was total fear of unepsected emotions? Maybe it was the total loss of control of the situation...again, and the fear that goes with that.. Maybe the inability to put into words what you are actually feeling so you hit before being hit.....The knowledge that they have known about you and didn't care enough to do anything about it. Maybe that realization hurts.

Who knows why you reacted why you did.

Do you think you could write them a letter may communicate via e-mail first? I think I would apoligize for your reaction, as understandable as it might be it probaly scared the heck out of them.