[aprils71]

A wonderful search angel has located my possible bmom. He attempted to contact earlier today but got her voicemail (did not leave a message). I have her phone number and I want to call... but then again I don't! I'm so scared that it won't be her, or she'll refuse me. I'm ready for all these outcomes, but my goodness, this could be my mother! The woman I've been wondering about for 30 years of my life.

Any suggestions to make this easier? Or possible phone scripts I can use? I'm so afraid I'll screw up when I call her, lol.

Thanks in advance for any input and advice!

edit - After reading the ~Contact Etiquette~ sticky I felt I needed to clarify a few things. First of all, I live in Canada now and my bmom lives in Colorado, so there isn't any way of meeting face to face. Also, if our research was correct, she lives by herself. Her husband (not my bfather) died in '04. Her outgoing message on her voicemail only states her name as living there.

I guess I could send a letter as I have her address. What is everyone's opinion on this?

Thanks,
April

[xerxey]

In my opinion i would write your birth mother a letter. After all 30 years is a life time and it might be a shock to hear from you. If you write the letter it would at least give her time to think and absorbe the letter. I just went through what you did. I sat down all last week and this was the hardest letter that i have ever had to write. Im lucky that i have friends and my husband to help out. so now i just mailed the letters out and of course the wait is killing me and when youdo send the letter send it certified mail and then you will know for sure it arrived and send it registered restricted. so only your birth mom can open the letter. Good luck and let me know what happens. if u want help you can pm me and ill help ya . there is some web sites that can help you format your letter. ill try to find the links as i have them book marked.

[rainmon]

yes ...I also think writing a brief letter is where you should start. many people feel this way also on this forum I have gathered.
you don't have to tell her your whole life story in that first letter....take things slow....make sure it is brief. also for just in case it is the wrong person...but also it may be too much too soon if it goes on and on too much....save some things for future letters.
do say a few warm things so it does not sound too business like though in that first brief letter.
but do save some of the special things about you or your life for getting to know each other later....maybe at a f2f or just for a future correspondance. you do not need to tell her every little thing about you in the introductory letter.
allow her to ask questions....let the story unfold little by little on both sides so no-one is too overwhelmed by too much information too soon. take it slow....
baby steps are best.

[aprils71]

Thank you both for your advice!

I've been contemplating writing a letter instead as well. I'm an instant gratification kind of girl so I'm still so tempted to call, but I do think a letter would be less overwhelming.

Thanks again!

[bprice215]

Why not do both. But give it a week or so after your letter arrives then phone her, that way she'll be more prepaired. Your letter should be honest, straight forward and to the point. Good luck, let us know how this turn out.
bprice215

[aprils71]

Thank you to all that responded. I wrote and sent letters to both women (birthmother and sister) and basically left the balls in their courts. Well, today I got a letter in the mail from the woman who I was hoping was my birthmother. Here are a few portions:

"Dear April,

I just received your letter and felt compelled to reply hoping my response will help in eliminating one possibility in your search for your birth mother. I would love to be able to say that your search has ended because I can't imagine the hope, anxiety, and probable disappointment you must go through every time a new lead doesn't bring positive results.

I do hope that by eliminating me from your search, you will be able to focus your efforts in a different direction and eventually find your birth mother. I know this is not the news you hoped to hear and I'm sorry I can't be of more help.

I do wish you all the best in your ongoing search and hope you eventually find her."

I left a few parts out due to not having her permission to post this but I felt the above was pretty generic and wouldn't cause harm. I intend to send her a card in the mail thanking her for writing back.

I was disappointed at first, but then I was happy because she took the time to write me and her words were very comforting.

I have contacted my search angel and hope to get the ball rolling again! I have not yet heard from the woman that may be my birth sister.