[reneecrawford]

I found my bmom 2 years ago there was a start of a relationship that went south quick. She will not tell me who my bdad is! Any suggestions, I did get a little info from her sister.

[winter444]

Hi,
So sorry you are going through this, my birth mom also refused to tell me who my bfather was, it hurt me so much I could hardly function. I wrote her a letter, explaining the need for me to know, how very important it was etc, etc, she completely ignored it and said i was ruining her life.....In the end I had no choice but to tell her I'd go to all my 1/2 siblings, her other children, there are 6 of them who she said can never know about me, if she didn't tell me. She sent my birth fathers information the very next day by priority mail, how sad is that. Our relationship is over now.
You do deserve to know who your birth father is, I feel so strongly about it. It may come down to you contacting everyone your bmom knew and knows now to find out the answer. Perhaps write to her explaingin how you feel but if not go for it, you have done nothing wrong and will be doing nothing wrong by asking anyone you want to. Talk to her sister again, someone does know who he his. Iwish you so much luck and hope you get the answers you need.

[mooeylee]

Winter, Apparently she knew who your bdad is. But what if she didn't? Would that have changed how you felt about her (if you had a successful reunion)? I have never seen this topic discussed here. Should all "possible" bdads have their lives turned upside down? If so, would that bring peace to the achild? What would it do to the bmom's life, reliving what may not be the proudest period in her life? What if no one knows who the bdad is? Many considerations in this situation.

[Jackiejdajda]

I do not remember the name.. Its gone from me..

Jackie

[curiositykitten]

Originally Posted by mooeylee

Winter, Apparently she knew who your bdad is. But what if she didn't? Would that have changed how you felt about her (if you had a successful reunion)? I have never seen this topic discussed here. Should all "possible" bdads have their lives turned upside down? If so, would that bring peace to the achild? What would it do to the bmom's life, reliving what may not be the proudest period in her life? What if no one knows who the bdad is? Many considerations in this situation.

I think that people just want answers. I think that it's much better to be honest. If my biomom didn't know who my bdad was I'd appreciate her saying "I'm sorry I don't know." I would love her for the honesty. Yes it might not be a proud period of someones life but that doesn't mean that everyone would be judged for it. Life is so complicated sometimes.

[winter444]

Mooelee,
If my bmom did not know who my father was, no, it wouldn't have changed how I felt about her at all.
I'd appreciate her just saying she didn't know or remember his name but to with hold that information when she obviously knew who he was is plain wrong.
I explained, very gently to her, how very important it was for me to know but she still ignored me about it.
She wanted no feelings discussed...period. Sorry but I'm a human being and needed answers and she was the only one to give them.
The original poster here said her bmom will not tell her who her father is, how about being honest if she just doesn't know?
I do understand how upsetting it is for bmom's to relive all this but a human being was the product and we can't just be expected to not ask anything, my bmom knows her parents, grandparents, where they came from, we don't in many cases. Everybody should be considerate of everyone else but when it comes down to only one person having an answer, they should tell.

[feb171983]

Would you prefer not having a relationship with your birthmom at all for the sake of knowing who your birthdad was?

Perhaps time would allow her to tell you when she's ready? You're halfway there by knowing at least who she is. Good luck.