[MarriMouse]

Hello all,
I am so blessed. The daughter I gave up 17 years ago found me. Thanks to the internet and her inquisitive nature. It was a private adoption, so she even has the original birth records.
We have been in contact via email and text mostly. We spoke on the phone a few weeks ago.
I feel like the luckiest woman in the world. I know there has to be a reason that our search was so short. I'm waiting to find out what it is.
She is sweet, smart, talented and all I wanted for her seems to have been realized. She deserved the family I couldn't give her at the time. However, she is still a minor. We have discussed that her adoptive parents need to know of the contact. But even though she is the youngest of 4 adoptees in their family, no one else has helped pave the way and reached out to find their birth parents.
I would love some advice. I intend to write her parents a letter, but don't even know where to start.
Marrimouse

[lookwithlove]

I too was an adoptee. I strongly feel like it is up to your daughter to break this news to her adoptive parents, when and in her own time. She better knows how haer adoptive parents might feel and re-act. Since she found you...you should not feel any guilt about this, you did nothing wrong (ie: contacting a minor). I know my adoptive parents were very supportive in my search once I turned 18, but your daughter's adoptive parents may feel threatened at first. I would suggest that you explain this to your bd and allow her to make the decision, after all, she made the decision to look for you and you should allow her time to decide the best time and way to discuss this with her adoptive parents. Just my opinion having been there. I wish you both luck.

[Jackiejdajda]

I agree.. she needs to do it..


Jackie

[Oceans]

I agree she needs to tell, in her own way, in her own time...

[loveajax]

Marri, first of all congratulations!

Second of all, I agree it is your dd's decision when and what to say. I am wondering though if you could talk to her about maybe having a letter or note from you that she could pass along to her parents when she decides to tell them. It sounds like you think her parents have done an excellent job and reaching out to say that may be a great icebreaker (I know that my MIL and my SIL's birth mom who met were fawning all over each other about how great each thought the other was). Just a thought! Good luck!

[kelceesmom]

I'm happy that you have reunited with your daughter.

But, coming from being an amom if you contacted me first I would be livid with you and might not want to have contact with you for a very long time.

I would want my daughter to be the one to tell me about the reunion.

[feb171983]

She'll need to tell them, when and if she wants to. Maybe she'll never want to. She is a minor, so I would keep that in mind. Don't overstep as she still is a minor. Once she's 18, it's her ability to contact you and whoever she wants without her parents ever knowing.