[Oceans]

I am going crazy with the wait... But except for the occasional bad day or two it is getting better. I'm just thinking in terms of the letter (eventually) if no response...

Is it forcing feeding him info that I think he should have? Or should he have it? I hate the idea of him ever having to ask for it but not wanting contact. I hate that idea for both of us actually.

OTOH...zero curiosity may indicate he may not know and I don't want to be be the one to break it to him. My gut says he knows... for a number of reasons I wont go into.... But my gut has been wrong about a lot of things with regards to his adoption... lol

[Dickons]

Just jumping into the post by Lumpkin...

I would still be working, interacting fully in my life if I had had my family history...

Something to ponder on...if there are over 6,000 rare diseases how many common diseases are there?

Will your doctor rule out every possibility for a symptom? NO - they look to your family history to narrow the field of possibilities. When you do not have a history they do their best but trust me that it is not the best that could be done for you.

Kind regards,
Dickons

[Amyie]

Just adding my personal experience with my birthson. He was 21 when I found him and sent him my letter. It took him 4 months to write me back. He wrote his birthfather back right away. His birthfather wrote him with just the basic information about what happened at the time of his birth and wished him well in his life. Basically said 'hey, Im here and this is what you should know and I'm ok if you never want any further contact". My birthson replied back with a 'thank you for giving me life and I wish you the best in yours' type email. But, it took him months before he wrote me or my other son (then 20 and his full blood brother) back. And when he did respond, his only request from me was his medical history.

Since then I have taken more notice on these boards of the differences between female and male adoptees. Although there is no 'normal' reaction, it does seem that the boys/men sometimes have more of an immediate 'back off' reaction to initial contact. For my birthson, he needed to step back, absorb and think (a lot) about how he wanted to reply and what message he wanted to convey in his reply.

I also noticed that many times, when the male adoptee is married with children and was raised in very happy home, they tend to feel more comfortable with reunion the older they are. Of course, there are many exceptions as each person has their own personalities, but from my observations and personal experience it just seems to be that way more often than not.

I found a co-worker's family on this site when he was 40. He didn't start looking until he was almost 34. He just wasn't ready before then, but as soon as his first son was born, he said it was like a revalation and a sudden desire to know.

As for advice for your situation, I just hesitate to give an opinion because there's no way to know what he's thinking. He may need space. He may be one to bolt if pushed. Or he may just be processing and will come to you in time.

Either way, I hope everything works out for you both!
Jamie

EDIT: I just wanted to add that it has been 2 years since first contact (this was all via MySpace messages) and a couple of months ago he finally started messaging his brother and getting to know him. They plan to meet for the first time in 8 days and spend a weekend camping and getting to know eachother. He has not yet written me back again (other than a 'thank you' when I send him a message wishing him a happy birthday. It is getting easier now that I know he has opened the door to his brother, but it took nearly 2 years. He just had to take the time to be ready. If he ever decides to be ready to meet me, I will be in heaven, but until then I (a very very impatient person) have learned to be patient.