[jrhodo]

Hi All,

I'm new here, but have read through your stories and have shed a few tears, OK, lots of tears.

My husband's father was adopted. He told us two weeks ago what his birth surname was on his birth certificate. Through research, we found that there was only one family in the area that had that last name. We have narrowed down two possible birth mothers. The first, Dortha, was 19 at the time of his birth (1936) but was married 7 months later. Her mother, Clara, was 40 and had a 2 year old, an 11 year old and Dortha. Because it was during the depression, she may have been forced to give up the child. Both women are deceased now. We have found Dortha's sister (73), daughter and four grandchildren. We found Dortha's obit, including a picture and the family resemblance is obvious.

Now we are torn as how to contact them. We've considered contacting the grandchildren as they are close to my husband's age and are probably his first cousins. Does anyone have any ideas for us?

My husband's father has no interest in contacting them. He has always had an idea who they are because he stayed in the same small town and was adopted by the town doctor. During high school he was told not to date a certain girl he liked. He hasn't shared that information with us. Basically, he abandoned my husband when he was small and has had limited contact with my husband since he became an adult.

My husband would like to find his family, but is understandably apprehensive. I am afraid that he will lose his nerve and never contact them. I'm willing to be the third party. I am trying to find the right balance between encouraging him, not pushing him, but not letting him drop the ball. I have a sister-in-law that is interested in finding them too.

Thanks for any help that you can give me. Jean

[Oceans]

I would probably go to the sister first. She is the one who likely has the info you are looking for. She may be willing to share since she was not directly involved.

There is also the possibility that she knows nothing about it. I am assuming she was the 2yo at the time of your FIL's birth.

Good Luck and let us know how it turns out!

[Jackiejdajda]

I would tell the man what you are doing..

He may have some deep emotional issues that he does not want to look at.. or may be unable to deal with..

I guess the question is.. How important is it?

This is my first reaction on reading your posts.. and I may be wrong..

Jackie

[jrhodo]

Thanks for the answers. I think the sister is the best bet. I've located a family member of hers who is unrelated to my husband's family. He's a friend of a good friend of ours (small town) and he's willing to tell her that my husband will be sending her a letter.

I also thought of another possiblity; A relative could have come to stay while she was pregnant and given up her baby for adoption here.

Jean