[Jackiejdajda]

lwallace65

My question is, what should I expect? I am going to her home in Florida and spending the day and night with her. She is then going to come to my parents house a few days later with her parents. This is so we can all get to know each other

.

Give yourself permission to have time outs..
If it gets too strained excuse yourself and pull it all together again..
Don't overtax yourself..


Jackie

[snuffie]

I AGREE. It is all so worth it. I've been reunited with my bsiblings for 7 years now. And it seems we've "always" been a family.
At first, I would stress over everything but that has gotten better over time.
I wish I could have met and reunited with my bmom but that wasn't meant to be as she passed away 4 years before I found out who she was. But I now know my heritage, nationality, where my quirks come from, who I look like and have the most wonderful people in my life! And best part is we are related!

Hugs

Snuffie

[Momokat]

You have so described what I want out of a reunion with my birth son. (about kinship, intrinsically connected and to know the person he has grown into) I just feel like part of me, my tapestry or jigsaw puzzle, is incomplete and needs the reunion to complete it. But at the same time, that seems to be too much pressure to put on him....to "meet my needs". I am not even sure if he has any needs...can only guess since we have not spoken after our initial contact over a year ago. The last thing he said was "I will call you after I tell my parents" so I don't know if that means he hasn't told them or everyone freaked out.
Thanks for all who shared on this thread. It may give me the courage to try one more phone call...

[kakuehl]

Momokat, I wish you well as you make that call. As I've said in other posts, D's mom had real problems with us being in longterm contact. She has gotten much more comfortable over the last couple years. In fact we spent some time at one of our recent occasions together (D invites all of us to birthday celebrations, etc.) talking about what it was like when they brought him home.

D is more open with me in some ways than he is with his (a)mom because I'm not the woman that raised him. I'm finding this journey a fascinating one!

[EZ2Luv]

As an adoptee it was definately worth it even though bmom had died 3 years prior I had known her all my life. As far as bsibs, I did NOT have a good reunion in fact it was horrific, but still worth it. If anything I found out what kind of family I escaped and thank God daily I never grew up with them. I was always a grateful adoptee, but meeting them made me even more grateful.

EZ

[firish16]

I am a 23 y/o adoptee and I found my bfamily when they had no idea I was out there looking. I say that yes, for me, reunion was well worth it, but there were so many things I could never have anticipated. I now have 3 additional siblings towards whom I feel great responsibility--and it has been tough as I have had a very fortunate life thus far. I think it's better to meet and not have unanswered questions, but there are thoughts and feelings that can never be anticipated. If you knew what was in my head you would be shocked.

[Mil]

If you knew what was in my head you would be shocked.

firish - would you be willing to share those thoughts with us? It's always interesting and helpful to other adoptees and birthparents too who are going through a reunion. Even if those thoughts are good/bad/indifferent, they're all valid feelings. Who knows, maybe other adoptees are out there feeling the same thing and think they're the only ones with those feelings. It helps to know that others feel the same way. A lot of times it also helps birthparents understand what adoptees go through in reunion. And it might help you to put those feelings in prospective if you put them down in black and white. Maybe get other people's input. It's up to you - we'll listen if you want to share.

[TitletownGal]

I met my birthmother 10 years ago, when I was 19. We have kept in contact since then, but have had no physical meetings. My adoptive parents were not supportive of our reunion and that put a lot of added stress and emotion on the situation. In the last four years I have gotten married and my husband and I have had 2 children. This Friday I am going to spend the day with my birthmother. I am lucky enough that after all this time, we ended up living only 2 hours away from each other. She has been very understanding and has never pushed me for subsequent meetings or contact. I am so excited about Friday. It is time for me to grow and expand and maybe someday my adoptive parents can be supportive, but I won't let that limit myself and my children from knowing an important part of my life. I also have four half-siblings that live in the area too and I even share a birthday with one!

I want to say that I think my birthmother has always handled herself with grace. I know that she would have loved to have more contact with me over the last 10 years but she has never pushed for anything. For all birthmothers out there, just have patience. If it doesn't come right away, give it time. For my birthmother and I it has taken ten years since the first reunion but I know now how lucky I am and I am not going to take it for granted.

Good luck!!

[Longtimewaiting]

THANK YOU for starting this thread. Im trying to find my daughter, and kept wondering if I should continue. After reading other threads and nightmares, I almost decided last night that I would hang it up, give up, not continue. But after reading all the positive comments, Im going to move forward and onward. Thank you again, Cindy.

[Mil]

Longtimewaiting - No one can promise you a great reunion and all reunions are stressful. They're also a lot of work. Emotionally they require a lot of soul searching and it is a vitual rollercoaster. But well worth the effort. Even if the reunion isn't what you expected, at least you know. You don't have to wonder anymore. And guess what?? It could be WONDERFUL! My reunion with my son has made me whole. It filled that gaping hole in my heart. My son had great parents and grew up very loved. Finding that out was a relief. No, he's not perfect and neither am I. But we're building memories and we love every minute we spend together. Good luck to you!