[LaceMae]

Ok so here it goes.

I was adopted at 6 months and my parents never hid the fact. My brother and sister were both adopted and we all three know we come from different places. When i was 15 my dad was killed in a vehicle roll over. I never felt the need to find my parents after that. My mom was all i needed. but
This past October I was shocked to see a message in my MYSPACE inbox from a lady claiming to be my birthmother...i kept thinking ya right. well turned out it was! Ever since i have been in contact with all my siblings, grandparents and aunts.

In January I met my Aunt Stormy while in Colorado on a trip. She was amazing! So much like me! and she brought her daughter Lyndz, we really hit it off. I now talk to Stormy almost everyday and love her to death!

I email my "nana" bGrandma daily and have recieved a few gifts. She is a wonderful lady and has planned a trip for me to come meet everyone.

by now this seems like everything is wonderful but theres a catch. I get along with everyone in the family except there seems to be something between me and my bmother. I just dont feel comfortable with her. I talked to her on the phone twice and neiter time felt good at the end.

After being in contact with them I learned that I have 6 siblings. Some she kept some she gave up. And its hard for me to grasp why some of us. Although i am greatful to have my parents. I know that i will never consider her my mom. My mom and dad were by far too amazing!

I have a best friend that is doing her best to help me with this and a boyfriend that is at whits end trying to understand. The three of us are road tripping 13 hours to meet the family this summer.

Im just looking for someone to talk to about the whole thing. Someone that knows whats going on. Sometimes i love that i met them, other times its a burdon. I love having my aunt stormy there because she seems to have the same values as i do.

My bmother is so different from my family. She has done drugs, her kids (my sisters) are allowed to do what ever they want, and my older sis poses for nude photos! They are just so different! If they were not my bfamily i dont think i would even be around people like them.

So anyone wanting to talk...or help...or whatever...let me know!

[Longtimewaiting]

As a bmom, I would tell you to enjoy the relatives and the relationships that you are developing. If you and your bmom do not get along, fine. If you dont get along with the 1/2 siblings, fine. Not all children and their natural parents get along, sometimes they have to "branch" out and they get along better with an Aunt or an Uncle. You are not forced to continue any relationship with any particular person, especially a bmom, if you dont want to. Enjoy your new found family members!!

[LaceMae]

Thanks so much for your help. My Baunt Stormy keeps telling me that it is all up to me about how i feel. Not to rush anything. But im the kind of person who hates to hurt peoples feelings and my bmother is very excited to get to know me. but i just dont feel right about the way she is raising my siblings. My parents were strick and although it was a pain i thank them all the time now for it. I have such a strong backbone now!
As a bmom would you be offended if your bdaughter met your sister and had a relationship and didnt have a relationship with you?

[RavenSong]

Originally Posted by LaceMae

As a bmom would you be offended if your bdaughter met your sister and had a relationship and didnt have a relationship with you?

To be absolutely honest with you, yes I would be offended. Well, actually, more hurt than offended. A couple years into our reunion, my son decided to quit talking to me for about six months or so. He was very active in his drug addiction, and he absolutely hated that I wouldn't enable him in any way. Meanwhile, he made sure that I was aware that he visited my brother's house every weekend. Although I've always been happy that my brother and son are close, it did kind of hurt at the time...and it put a strain on my relationship with my brother for a little while. Fortunately, my son and I reconciled after he got serious about drug rehab.

I know that you have issues with your bmom about her parenting style with your younger siblings. I was raised in a very strict environment, and I know it can be frustrating to watch children in other families run wild. But if you want to get to know your bmom, you may have to just put up with it. I had a hard time when my brother and his wife started having kids. There was such a total lack of discipline in the house that I was blown away. My relationship with my brother has always been very close, and I had to learn to just accept the fact that he had the right to raise his children any way he saw fit. If I hadn't come to that realization, my judgment of his parenting tactics would have severely damaged our relationship. I guess it just depends on what you think is more important, getting to know your bmom or disapproving of the way she's raising her other kids.

I'm really glad you get along so well with your Aunt Stormy. She sounds like a neat person to know! You may very well always feel closer to her than your bmom. And that's okay! I have always been extremely close to my maternal aunt by marriage (my uncle's wife), much closer than I've ever been to my own mother. My mom really resented it when I was younger...I think she felt insecure and feared that I loved my aunt more than her. My mom had the same reaction over how my brother and I felt about our stepmothers. Maybe it's just a natural thing or something that women often feel jealous when their children are affectionate with other extended family members. Emotions are so complex!!

[SuddenlySusan]

Originally Posted by LaceMae

As a bmom would you be offended if your bdaughter met your sister and had a relationship and didnt have a relationship with you?

Since you asked... yes, I would feel slighted if you took up a relationship with my sister and not myself. And... I doubt that my sister would be comfortable with that arrangement, either.

Hopefully, you will be able to maintain at least an email relationship with your nmom. That might take the sting out of your preference for her sister's company. I have yet to see a reunion rule that says you have to visit your nmom in her own home, so if you feel more comfortable with Stormy, perhaps you can meet nmom at Stormy's house. Meet-ups can take place in a variety of ways...

Best wishes in your reunion...
Peace,
Susan

[lafayette87]

Originally Posted by LaceMae

After being in contact with them I learned that I have 6 siblings. Some she kept some she gave up. And its hard for me to grasp why some of us.

I understand how you feel, my birthmother kept the boys ( first child and last child) but chose adoption for all the girls.... I think that may be part of why I have issues with men, but anyway, I always wondered how a woman could choose between her children like that.