[mariarippy]

L@@king2

My bdaughter is 38 years old - and she has no desire for contact... at this time... so, yes - I have come to know that word... patience... unfortunately!

Do you need a replacement adoptee? I am 34 year old adoptee. God love you. Maybe she will change her attitude. I hope she is so busy helping/being positive energy with people in the world around her. right?

[pjk267]

Oceans~

So here's my opinion for what it's worth. (You were there for me so here I am for you.)

Life is so short. Could you live with yourself if you didn't make contact? Rejection is hard, no doubt about it, but what would it feel like to be welcomed into your bson's life. You will never know until you put yourself out there. One car crash, one accident a diagnosed illness, trust me life is short. Live and love to the fullest while you can.

I am an adoptee who would of just loved bmom making first contact. I thought no contact confirmed her not wanting me. Now I know it's hard, the fear of rejection, but even if he isn't ready he will know you have not forgotten him and how much you care.

Reach out, trust that you are strong enough to take what comes. You have friends you don't even know supporting you. I will keep you in my prayers.

pjk

[paigeturner]

Oceans,

I recieved my non ID information 2 years ago. When I recieved my annual bonus, I hired a search firm. To date, we have nothing...so I've learned patience! And so have my daughters who are dying to meet their older brother!

I remember getting the information and my first thoughts were, "his parent's hobby is square dancing? OMG." This from the rock-and-roll chick...

Keep us informed!!!! and good luck!

[Oceans]

"his parent's hobby is square dancing? OMG

BAH HA HA HA HA!!! I am LMAO!!!

I have thought about going the CI route. Supposidly we have a good one in my county. It sure doesn't mean instant success tho does it?

Thanks ((PJK)))

[paigeturner]

Oh, Hell no, on the instant access. I went through a search firm...unfortunately I placed thru LDS social services in Idaho...our information is buried deep...

It's tough not even knowing if they're alive isn't it...let alone moving toward are they happy and well-adjusted!

[Oceans]

It's tough not even knowing if they're alive isn't it...

Yeah... I like to pretend there is some of "movie like" pychic bond but the reality is who knows??

I just dawned on my about 2 months ago that my son could actually have been raised in a different state!!! After 26 years and this just occured to me!! That's when I decided to get my info.

If it weren't so sad it would be funny.... All I know of my child is a date and sex along with approx weight and time of birth...

Closed era.... What was society thinking???

[paigeturner]

Unlikely that you'll still know the state your child was placed in. The way I figure it, how many relatively young square dancers are out there? Ha! Still no luck!

The psychic bond thing...perhaps you'll enjoy this old post of mine:

I, too, named my son. But I named him privately and never shared his name with anyone. My situation was so different than Nicole’s. Although I was 18 when I found myself pregnant, my mother convinced me to move to a different state and “foster” with another family in a program her church had for unwed mothers (god I hate that term.) I went to group therapy once a week and had counseling twice a week. Was there coercion? I’m not sure.

We were never allowed to talk about whether or not we were going to place in group. Privately my counselor and I talked a lot about adoption, but she never explored with me whether or not I would be capable of parenting. Nevertheless, my mind was made up and I have to say that I’ve always been at peace with my decision.

As my delivery date got closer I did ask my counselor if I could name my child. She was adamant in her answer: “no, why make it harder?” But still, he was Colin. In my heart I knew he would be a perfect Colin. Like Nicole, I never “knew” that I was carrying a boy, but I “knew”.

When he was born, they took him to the nursery. I snuck down that night to get a look at him. I was devastated to see that his bassinet was way in the back of the nursery and turned towards the wall. Already he was different. The nurse took pity on me and turned him so I could see him. I was further dismayed to see that his name card said “Baby Johnson”. The nurse explained that that was the name they gave to all children that would be adopted.

She brought him to my room so I could hold him and say “hello and goodbye”. I held that tiny bundle and whispered his name, “Colin.” I was right, he was a perfect Colin.

Years later my youngest daughter was lobbying hard for a brother. My girls at that time didn’t know I had placed a son. I wasn’t hiding but that time was behind me. She would say, “Why can’t I have a brother? I need a brother.” Then one day she said, “Fine. When I have a little boy, I’m going to name him Colin.” My heart stopped and broke a little bit.

“Why Colin?” I asked. “I’ve just always loved that name” she replied. She was seven.

A few years ago when I told them that I once had a son that I placed her response was, “I knew it. I knew I was supposed to have a brother! Did you name him?”

“Only in my heart.”

“Was his name Colin?” She was seventeen.

How can we miss what we never knew?

[Oceans]

Paige - I had read that post before and it amazed me... It's so cool!!

As for the State he was raised in you are right. I am having to go through the county for the info. My understanding is that if the parents lived in another county (at finalization) there will be no info with my county - and I will get no info back.

Then it really will be the needle in the haystack.

Only way I can go to the state is thru an CI...

BLAH!!