[DaniSky]

I feel incredibly bad for saying this, but I've only recently found my bmother and, when I saw pictures of her I was disappointed. She thinks that we resemble each other greatly...but I just don't see it. I feel superficial that this is so disappointing for me, but I had in my mind that I'd finally find someone that looks like me.

I asked if I looked like my father any she said she doesn't remember exactly what he looks like...which is odd.

Has this happened to anyone else?

DaniSky

[kathy79]

It is not odd that your bmom can't remember what your bdad looked like. It would depend on how many years have past and what kind of of relationship they had.

It's been 28 years for me and I can't remember the bdads name let alone a lot of details of what he looked like.

But I am fortunate that my bson resembles me a lot.

Does anyone else think you both look alike? Maybe you just don't notice the similarities.

[JNs_AdtrandFes_Bdtr]

DaniSky,
I don't normally write on the boards but when I saw your post I had to reply. Don't feel bad I know exactly how you feel. My bmom cannot understand it either, she says its a techniciality. But I am a caramel brown color (being African American) and she, my brother and sister are both Dark chocolate brown colors. The same w/ my aparents and it made me so mad because I felt like I was still different and my point to searching was to have a relationship but I also wanted to see someone that looked like me. According to her I do look like bdad but he wants nothing to do with me so that does not help. We know we look different it just seems not to bother her and to me it is a big deal. So you are not alone, its kinda more reassuring when you look alike and finally shows you fit in somewhere. I just don't think many people mention it on the fourms because I read so much that most of the time they do look like their parent. Oh well hope this helps!

[curiositykitten]

I haven't contacted my birth mother ( I am in the process of that now)but I heard for years how the people that saw her said that 'I looked just like her!' Someone showed me a yearbook photo and we do not resemble each other at all. Even in the slightest way. It was a little dissapointing only in the sense that I was hoping I would have someone that resembles me a little bit, sort of as a touch stone, but I don't think that it will effect anything else.

[4everlovingmyBM]

Yep!! I was disappointed when I saw a picture of my birth-mother. Later after 6 years of knowing her, she started snapping at me. I started to think I must look like my birth-father. Later I did ask her did I look like him. She said she only remembers his side of the face and that I have it!! Lets say..I probably do look like him. I found someone that I believe to my birth-father. Let me know what you think...nextcat.com/limotom Sorry that I didn't see this post until now. Hopefully you'll get to meet your birth-father and see yourself!! I know I did!!

[bprice215]

When I met my daughter the first time she carried herself like her birth mom, and after being around her for awhile she did look like me somewhat but she had her hair cut like her a moms. So it all depends on who is doing the looking.

bprice215

[dpen6]

I dont think its weird at all to be disappointed. I think that is one of the main reasons why we look. People talk about family reseblences all the time and being adopted you don't have that Genetic mirroring that everyone else has. I thinks its morre then just a superficial thing, I think we are also looking to see if the looking alike= being alike. The quessential search for self. On a rational level we know that even if birthfamily looks the same it doesn't mean they are the same as you. We may look like bfather, bgrandmother. aunt, or great aunt gertie! Peopel who grow up in a biofamily already know that, to them its no big deal. But when you don't have it and it is such a talked about thing in our society it is one of the biggies when we search.

I had some of the same physicla traits of my bmom but I was far from a dead ringer! So...it must be in my bfathers side some where.

[JustPeachy]

I don't think it's a superficial thing at all. As a bmom, I love the fact that my son resembles me very much. I see aspects of his bdad, too, but mostly he looks like me. We were fortunate to have a semi-open adoption where we got to see pics of each other, so he's grown up at least being able to see that indeed, he does look like someone. Maybe as you get to know your bmom better, you will see other things that mirror you, like mannerisms, tone of voice, interests, opinions, etc. And if you meet other family members, perhaps you will find a physical resemblance with them.

[cetalley]

I have read that the dominating gene is always stronger from the male????? I do not know what my twins look like, for I was never given a pic. But I always imagined in my mind that they would be blonde haired- red haired, with my eyes. I am a brunette, their father was blonde with blue eyes...mine are green. I will be anxious to at least see a photo, just to put a rest to my imagination...if I get that chance. My son who is 29, looks just like his Dad..who was brunette with brown eyes...my son is brunette with my green eyes...but definately carries the stronger of his genetics with his Dad who died 26 yrs ago today. So is it male dominating genes...I do not know , but tend to lean to that direction! Regardles...you are your own ..beatiful you, this I am sure.....

[bakerjw]

you're lucky to know what your bmom looks like. Some day I hope to know what my bmom looks like as well.

Just one of the expectations that I need to squelch and be prepared for when it happens.

I suspect that as you and your bmother build a relationship, you will see some mannerisms or traits that you can't quite put your finger on but will realize that they are because of a genetic connection.

Best wishes.

[dpen6]

Just peachy,

I have been told I hold the cigetette the same as my birthmom...LOl.....Is that a good thing???? Even still, it was kinda nice hearing it.

[snuffie]

I do look like my bmom. Very much so. But I look nothing at all like my 8 siblings. They are tall (except for one) and I am under 5 feet. My sisters have either blond or black hair and I have very dark brown. The only thing we all have in common in the looks department is our chin! Look hard and maybe you will see a feature that is similar!

[winter444]

I understand what you mean.
I look more like my bfather but my amom, who met my bmom, has always said I have her features, probably the hair and eyes I think. when I saw a picture of her I stared at it for hours trying to see a resemblance.

[lacymarie]

I completely understand. I searched for my bmom for years. And for years, I always wanted to see someone that looks like me. I bet you do look like her, you may not see it but others will!

[kakuehl]

You may have the opportunity to see family pictures and find a cousin, an aunt, grandparent that you resemble very much. People say that D looks like me, and I can see that, but he also looks (to me) like his bdad. Of course both of us were blond with blue eyes. (Bdad has been dead for several years.) I hear my family in D's voice. He has some of his bdad's gestures.

I, personally am a good mix of my parents. Some people look at me and say I look just like my mother, others say I look just like Dad. It depends on how you look at me! My sister looks more like my mother's one sister.

I understand the desire to look like someone; don't be discouraged... having found your bmom, you may find that sibling,cousin, or other relative...