[lisad70]

I'm 37 years old. I've located my birthmom. After taking about 1 month w/ the information, I've finally sent her a letter. Mailed it Monday...so she may not even have received it yet... BUT I'm going BONKERS. I can think of NOTHING else (which is problematic, as I have my own kids to worry about)

How do you get your mind off of it? I know that I need to give her the space/time to let the information sink in (after all, I was searching and I still took time)....but I want to know RIGHT NOW what's going to happen. I sent the letter via a greeting card...now I wish I sent it registered mail, so at least I would know if she received it. I just didn't want to draw undue attention to it in the event that her family is unaware of me....

UGH

I should have known this would be how I feel. I can't even watch an episode of 24 w/out going nuts wanting to know what's happening next...and this is MY life!!!

All I can think of is "what if she doesn't respond - at all? What will I do? I didn't think this meant so much to me...but it does.... ARGH I hate this. ther should be a law that says that you need to update your kid once they are 18 or something.....

[loveajax]

lisa, i am an a mom married to an adult adoptee (he's 42).

after locating his birth mom recently, he sent her a letter (which I must say moved me to tears, i thought it was so beautiful) about 6 weeks ago....

he has not heard anything and i feel so "sad" for DH (who is a "machismo" man's man). he seems really "shocked."

all i can say is that i hope you hear soon....it is so tough to put yourself "out there," i think.

i know it's not "me," but i personally am "anxious" as well....

good luck to you and please keep us posted!

[snuffie]

Oh, I can sooo relate. I drove the mailman crazy waiting for the first photo of my bmom to arrive. I tried to keep myself totally overwhelmed with cleaning, working extra etc. It worked a little bit but those thoughts just kept creeping in. How can they not when like you said its our whole lives!

We're right here with you!!

Snuffie

[Edarling]

I spoke w/My Birth Daughter for the first time last week and now I'm waiting for pictures of her, my 13 grand children and my 3 great grand children! I can hardly stand it!

[Oceans]

Fellow waiter here. I am in my 9th week of what was supposed to be a 3-4 week wait for my non-id info. I think it was about 2 weeks ago that I officially declared myself Bonkers...

So no advice - just my good wishes that you hear something SOON!!

Congrats on finding her tho!!

[doinit4me]

I just put my letter in the mail on Friday so I know I'm in for a wait. It's hard. We've been thinking about this for so long while they receive a letter and we expect them to write/call/email us immediately back. I was just thinking about how hard it's going to be to wait but that I've had all this time looking and thinking about what I was going to do once I found her. We can't expect them to contact us quickly when we've had so much time to adjust to how we're going to deal with whatever the outcome is.

I feel for you and believe me I will be there with you waiting for the mailman to drop off the mail ever day until I receive some word from her. I hope our wait isn't long but just remember that even if it is, it doesn't necessarily mean our worst fear has come to pass. It just might mean that she needs time to figure out what and how she should respond.

Good Luck!
Lori

[D28Bob]

I know what you are going through. I discovered my family of origin in December, sent a card and letter just before Christmas. No reply, sent another letter a month later, photos etc. No reply. Sent a card and gift for Valentine's day, no reply. Tried to call on Easter, got a "I'm sorry - I can't talk about this, I can't think about this. I hope you understand. Click."

What did I do wrong? Several things - for one, I tried contact at holidays. NOT a good time - sometimes family and friends are around, and even if not, emotions can run high. But as it turns out, there was another reason.

Further research led me to my birthmother's ex-husband's widowed second wife. So I called her a few days ago, and she was very gracious and kind. She told me that my half sister Victoria, born 5 years later, went into hospice in late December and died of breast cancer just before Valentine's Day.

So just as I was trying to come crashing in, she was losing her daughter. Can you say "Bob, your timing sucks," kiddies?

So I did NOT try to contact Dorothy over Mother's Day, and instead read Vicky's incredible cancer blog and thought about my own wonderful adoptive mother, gone 17 years now.

Moral of the story is that until you know what is going on in your family of origin, try to keep from fantasizing about what they MIGHT be thinking or feeling or doing. I was getting angry with Dorothy's not replying, and now I understand a bit more. Don't be too hasty to judge - and in the meantime, I have learned SO MUCH about myself and adoption and reunion, I'm actually glad I had this time to prepare and develop - I may need that if we do finally communicate. Read, go to adoption support groups or therapists (I do all three!) and even if you never connect, you will be far better off than you were before...

Bob Haight
Proud Alumnus of St. Anthony's (KC) Home for Bastard Infants, Unwed Mothers and Other Social Outcasts, Class of '49

[Jackiejdajda]

Bob.. Maybe.. your birthmom may see that your contact was a connection in one of the most terrible times in her life..
Maybe in the back of her mind she feels a connection with you.. I think I would..

Jackie