[harleychic1974]

My husband recently found out his mother put up a son for adoption about 20 months before my husband was born. We had the birth name and city of adoption and have recently been fortunate enough to find out his adopted name. I've done a search by his adopted name in the state he was born and adopted in and have found about 13 people with that name. What do I do now? Do I call each one? Do I send out a letter to each one so he has the option whether or not to respond? We are so lost on what to do! If anyone who has been down this road has any suggestions, I would appreciate any advice!!!

[Amyie]

What state? I have a subscription to ancestry.com. I would be happy to look up the name and birthdate to see if I can find any matches to narrow it down for you. Feel free to PM me the information and I will check it out. Depending on the state where he was born, there may be some better information. If I can help, I would be happy to try!

Jamie

[Jackiejdajda]

harleychic1974 wrote

My husband recently found out his mother put up a son for adoption about 20 months before my husband was born.

What is your husbands mother saying.. Does she want this? Is she able to cope with a reunion?

Reunion is a process IMO.. a journey.. a way to resolve the issues of the past..

Jackie

[harleychic1974]

His mother is open to a reunion. She said she never pursued it because she felt like she didn't have a right to. She kept this from my husband and is younger brother all their lives (my husband is 41). We found out through a 3rd party and we asked her about it and she told us everything. Even though she has never pursued it, she said if the adopted son is willing to meet her, she will welcome him. I think she still has guilt because she didn't feel like she had a right to try and contact him and disrupt his life. We don't want to cause any problems and if he doesn't want to meet his birth family, we will not push it or pursue it. The last thing we want to do is cause someone any stress. My husband wants to make the effort, though, because he wants to meet his brother.

[Jackiejdajda]

She said she never pursued it because she felt like she didn't have a right to. She kept this from my husband and is younger brother all their lives (my husband is 41).

My heart goes out to her..
I am glad she is okay with all this..

If she is computer literate.. maybe tell her about us..

Jackie

[kune]

I echo Jackie's posts. I hope your MIL is OK - and she finds her birthson. For you, can I suggest you go to the Search and Reunion forums on this site and look at how women (the same as your MIL) reacted at the time they told their family and/or searched for their adopted child. As Jackie intimated, you hubbys Mom would be welcomed by a very supportive group of birthmothers during the search and possible reunion/ We all have "tripped down the same steps and walked the same path" all with different journeys but the same theme.
Please pass on our invitation.

Ann

[harleychic1974]

Thanks to you both for your supportive comments. I will pass long the info to her. She is not computer literate, but I'm sure she would learn if she's interested in joining the support group. I have since learned the correct address for my husband's adopted brother, so the next step is the actual contact. I think my husband is a little hesitant at this point, but we'll take it a day at a time and pursue it when he's ready.