[katmct]

I located my birth daughter and sent her a message that was well received. We have been emailing each other frequently and she has my phone number and address. She isn't ready for more direct contact this point. The waiting for her readiness is so very difficult.

Since the first email from her, I have experienced this roller coaster of emotions and this has been very surprising to me. I know I have to be patient, but the waiting to actually talk to her is hard.

I think the thing that makes this the hardest is that she met her birth father several years ago and he assured her that IF he ever had my contact information he would make sure to give it to her. He has known exactly where to find me for the last 16 years and we exchange emails occasionally. He had open heart surgery this past spring, and I believe that was the possible catalyst for him giving me her name. I then found her on my own.

[austin0i]

Congratulations on finding your daughter. What a wonderful time.

I am an adoptee and the only thing I can tell you is to be patient with your girl. She is probably reeling with intense emotions, which are also taking her by surprise. She is also very scared not knowing where all those feelings are coming from or even how to deal with them

I am three months into reunion with my mother and I can tell you the first month sent me in a tail spin. I am close to your daughters age and felt as if I was a child. She is probably feeling all these same emotions, as I read a few books and everything I went through is well documented as normal feelings and emotions in the reunion process on the child's side.

Don't press her. Dont overwhelm her. Let her drive the reunion. Be patient even though it is hard. I know she is in reunion with her bdad, but I can tell you the feelings for the mother are so much more intense.

Originally Posted by katmct

I located my birth daughter and sent her a message that was well received. We have been emailing each other frequently and she has my phone number and address. She isn't ready for more direct contact this point. The waiting for her readiness is so very difficult.

Since the first email from her, I have experienced this roller coaster of emotions and this has been very surprising to me. I know I have to be patient, but the waiting to actually talk to her is hard.

I think the thing that makes this the hardest is that she met her birth father several years ago and he assured her that IF he ever had my contact information he would make sure to give it to her. He has known exactly where to find me for the last 16 years and we exchange emails occasionally. He had open heart surgery this past spring, and I believe that was the possible catalyst for him giving me her name. I then found her on my own.

[jrainbow]

Congratulations and best wishes for a long and successful reunion and relationship.

I am an adoptee that was recently reunited. I certainly understand all your emotions and it would be really hard if you can't talk yet. We talked but I certainly didn't feel I could call every day and that is what I wanted to do. I couldn't believe the almost obsession I had with contacting and talking with her.

The thing that got me thru was journaling. I wrote every day and night and would read it all when I just "had" to call but didn't feel like I could. I'm sure it is even worse that you feel ganged up on by her bdad.... he was not fair to you or her. But, you are doing it the right way by playing by her rules right now. It will help your relationship in the long run.

Good luck ... and remember, anytime, you have to talk ... the forums are right here with people who care.

Jill

[katmct]

Thank you for your words of encouragement. I will try to maintain my patience and take this as slow as she needs.

[Jackiejdajda]

Congratulations..

My reunion suggestion would be to stay out of the negative thinking.. and concentrate on what is happening right now..

All the old anger and angst and 'stuff'.. will only invade your reunion.. and cause trouble..

Jackie