[sstuart]

Line 9- I know you say that you do not want to meet with her because you are not sure if you believe all of her story. One thing I know is that to read or write something is very different than to actually say it to their face. I think it would be easier to tell if she is lying if you actually saw her in person. If she is willing to do that I think it could help you with your decision on whether or not it is the truth. IMHO. Stacy

[rainmon]

Hello Line9, if it was me I would want to know if b-dad may have any brothers or sisters, one of them may know his story or who it was that he was going with at that time. also if his parents are alive, your Grandparents.
Someone may know who he was seeing back then.
these people may be your only leads right now that I can see.
and they could lead you to his friends also, that may know something.

[line9]

I feel like I'm back at square one.

I sent her a second letter last week asking for some more details and clarification.

Depending on her response, I'll go from there.

[ttate001]

Excellent letter! My only suggestion would be to state that you need family medical history and ethnic background before saying you "eagerly embrace contact". You are entitled to this and she needs to realize that; whether she wants to get to know you or not. We all hope for the best but sometimes it doesn't happen. Good luck!!

[ttate001]

Line9
Okay, I came into this late and just now read all the way through the posts after I already posted a response. I can totally sympathize with where you're at right now, as I am in a somewhat similar situation in my birth father search. I resumed my search after a 4 year break, because it gets to be emotionally and psychologically exhausting. I was born in the 60's and my bio mom says my father never knew anything about me. Long story short, I've written a bunch of letters (sent to different addresses-same name) had phone or letter contact with two people who have the same name, are part of the same family and only about a year apart in age (yeah it's odd). The one in Hawaii actually called me and was enthusiatic and helpful but says he is the uncle of the other one and not my father. I got a letter reply from one of the addresses in Calif (supposedly from the other one, but the handwriting on the express envelope looked female) which said simply " I am not who you are looking for" but did not address anything I said in my letter. Someone is lying to me, but who?? I also am tempted to write another letter or make some phone calls but am not sure which way to proceed. I want to keep the guy in Hawaii helpful and hopefully get more information from the person in CA, if it was even "him".
Your partner in frustration and confusion, Indygirl

[line9]

Update: It really wasn't her.

But I did find my birthmom!

Please see my new thread: Found!

I'll try to post updates on that thread as they happen.

And thanks for all the support!

BTW: If you want the best searcher, PM me.

[heathermotoole]

may disrupt, but could also put relief and give her the chance to tell the truth my family is going threw that right now. do what you need in your heart. Who knows she may be looking for you as well.

[doug43223]

I just sent this letter this week and got a response within 2 days, I got the outline for it from a book (the adoption reunion survival guide) if it helps anyone.

Name
contact info
Email-

Her info
January 14, 2008

Dear-------,

I am an adoptee and searching for my birth mother. I have recently received information that has led me to you as my primary suspect for being my birth mother. I was born ------- 1974, at -------- in Columbus, Ohio. The lawyer that handled my adoption was -----------------------. If you are in fact my birth mother, then this information is already familiar to you. If you are not ------------------------attended ---------- High School, please let me know.
Let me assure you that I’m not writing this letter in an attempt to invade your life or privacy. I am writing to let you know that I have had a happy life, with wonderful parents who are very supportive of me, and always have been.
I also want you to know that if you decide you want to meet me that I am open, ready, and excited to meet you. But if that’s not something you are ready for, I am able to respect your decision. I will certainly be disappointed, but, I realize that not all people are ready for personal meetings and some people need more time than others.
Let me tell you a few things about me and my life. I am divorced and have shared parenting of two little girls, -----------------. I work as an ---------------------------------------------------------------the Army reserves. I have enclosed a picture of me and the kids, along with our dog Mulan.
I am sure all of this is a bit overwhelming at the moment. I apologize if I have upset you. That was not my intent. Please know that I have thought of you often over the years, as I’m sure you have thought of me. I hope that I will hear from you, but if not, I promise to respect your privacy. You will not hear from me again unless I hear from you, I do ask that you please do not leave me hanging, I would like to at least know for sure that you received this letter. I can be reached at the phone number, address, or email above. If you call, afternoon to evening is best.

Sincerely,



P.S. Sorry if this typed letter is a little impersonal, I have terrible handwriting, and I go by my middle name Doug.

Hope it helps someone

[line9]

I think that's pretty much what my letter says Doug but I would definitely remove the word "suspect."

[openmicnites]

may I suggest you find a way to send letter so new husband doesn't open it and call you . and birth mom doesn't have to find herself in a jam. it happened to me.

[line9]

Originally Posted by openmicnites

may I suggest you find a way to send letter so new husband doesn't open it and call you . and birth mom doesn't have to find herself in a jam. it happened to me.

If you'll read the entire thread this is what I did:

I sent an 11x13 manila envelope US Mail, certified with return receipt.

Inside the manila envelope is the actual letter with her name on it marked "Personal and Confidential."

[inked2]

I think it's a nice letter....I too have been searching for over 20 years, and I finally recieved my original birth certificate. I have my parents names and address along with siblings....7 of them. I want to send a letter but I found that my birth parents have passed in 1995. I'm wondering if I should send a letter to my siblings... I wish you luck and don't wait...

[RavenSong]

Originally Posted by inked2

I think it's a nice letter....I too have been searching for over 20 years, and I finally recieved my original birth certificate. I have my parents names and address along with siblings....7 of them. I want to send a letter but I found that my birth parents have passed in 1995. I'm wondering if I should send a letter to my siblings... I wish you luck and don't wait...

I am so very sorry to hear that your birthparents passed away before you could meet them. I say contact your siblings! Wow, seven brothers and sisters ~ how cool is that?!!

[aspenhall]

I say go for it too