[beaums]

Some insight into my search

I’m going to keep the story simple. I was adopted by my birthmother’s sister and my birthmother’s identity was a family secret for my early childhood. My adoptive mother thought the secret was unnecessary and spilled the beans.

My biological mother and I are close. Not mother and child close, but significantly more than aunt and nephew close. I haven’t sought much information about my biological father over the years; being close to my adoptive parents and b-mom I haven’t felt the need.

Curiosity is a powerful force but I’ve been waiting until I feel I have no expectations towards his response before pursuing more info. Having gotten his name and other info from my b-mom. Then using only the web, amazing the info that’s out there, I’ve gotten his address, phone, and general biographical information clearly identifying his identity.

Before I was born he had no knowledge that my birthmom was pregnant. After I was born, he was informed that I existed but not that my b-mom would still be involved in my life. He has since gotten married (long ago), is still married to the same person, has children in college, etc.

Finally to the gist of my actual question; I’m unsure whether I should contact him directly or hire a social worker to make the contact? Most of my family is advocating the third party route. I think knowing the info I know of him that it would be disingenuous to have somebody else make the contact.

Sorry for the long post and thanks for any insight.

[Gwen Berndt]

Hi,
Seems the general advice for this sort of thing is to write a letter explaining who you are and that you're interested in meeting/getting to know him. If you send it registered mail then he has to sign for it, so you'll know someone else didn't pick it up and read it first.

Be prepared for various reactions; you never know how someone will react to such a letter. Good luck to you!

[ALS2007]

Beaums...

It sounds like your family, by "advocating" a third party route, is very aware of and familiar with your situation. When I was 26 and contacted my bmom for the first time, it was after talking over my options with a select few people who "knew" me and how I worked. I would only offer the suggestion that looking first at what YOUR gut tells you to use as a method is good way to start, and then talking it over with an "inner circle" of your selection could help after.

All the best and good thoughts your direction! - Jason