[june]

Help please, this is hard to talk about and I am unable to speak with friends or family I feel could possibly understand. Recently I was contacted by adopted mom, and my daughter wants to meet me. I am very confused and feel like I'm living in the past again. I don't want to be hurt, and this has been hell for me for many years. If she is just looking for health information than that will really hurt. I should be hearing from her soon. I'm very excited but apprehensive.. I've been crying uncontrollably for days now. Is this normal? Should I seek to seriously talk to someone? I saw her picture and just wanted to die..I was so sad that I've missed out all of these years but I gave her up because I was a teenager and had no support system period and really believed that if I gave her up she would have chance at a good life. Now I'm crushed because I really believe that I could have given her a good life, it would have been hard at first but I could have made it. At the time I just felt like a failure.. I'm confused, sad, angry, excited and happy she that she has had a good life. She deserves it. please help...

[Gwen Berndt]

Hi June,
I'm on the other side of this issue - I'm an adoptee born in 1971 who sent a letter to my bmom a month ago, and haven't heard back from her yet. It's killing me to be patient, and I'm afraid she won't want contact with me. It's VERY important to me to meet her and get to know her - I feel there's a part of me that's missing and only she can help resolve that feeling.

I'm afraid she's feeling the way you are, which is of course understandable and I'm sure very painful. And yet, I think the only way to heal is to accept the past as being unchangeable, and to move forward. If your daughter wants to get to know you, I think it's in the best interest for both of you to take a chance and do it. There are no guarantees that it will be perfect, but isn't knowing something better than not knowing anything at all? Be brave, something really great could happen!

Of course, June, this is simply my (possibly selfish) opinion - it would mean the world to me if my bmom would want to get to know me. Also, I want to point out that my amom's initial reaction to my search was, "Oh yes, you should definitely find her because you should have your medical information" - and that is certainly not my only intention. An amom might feel that way because of her own issues, but I want to get to know my bmom.

Hope something here helps you! Of course, I don't know how your bdaughter feels, I can only guess that it would be similar to the way I feel.

Good luck, June!

[MandaPanda83]

Hi June,

I'm in the same boat as Gwen pretty much. Through the agency I have been trying to contact my bmom for about 4 months now. The wait is driving me batty.

While I have yet to go through or be in reunion with her, I am in reunion with a sister (also adopted out). My only advice is to take things slow. Try to find out what she is wanting, relationship wise. But it sounds like she's wanting more than just medical information.

Please don't allow the past haunt you. You did what you believed was best for your precious baby.
It's more than okay to grieve over lost time or chances. That is totally normal. Now is a good time to just let it all out. Lord knows I do it a lot and I'm sure I'll do it more as time goes by.

This is an amazing site to get support and help. Many many people here have gone or are going through what you are and completely understand.

Keep us updated on your journey! Wishing you the best and praying that everything goes wonderful

[june]

thanks for your reply it gave me hope. It's so ironic how this has come about. I will keep you posted..

[june]

your message gave me hope thank you so much. I know that I need to meet her for both of our healing. Thanks I'll keep in touch.

[amyshaw]

June,
Come on over to the "birthparents" section of this website. We have alot of wonderful moms "waiting to reunite" or already in reunion that could give you some advice

[jrainbow]

Getting medical information is a very safe and acceptable reason to search. Reasons for searching are always very complex and fraught with danger. Mostly she would like much more than just medical information but will be satisfied with that at the very least.

[lfaithr]

Fear of rejection is so strong on all sides of the triad. I told my bfather in my first letter that I wanted medical info. But what I really want is more, and I didn't say it. I just thought it was safer to protect myself that way. Turns out that he does want to correspond, so I'm very happy.

Good luck.