[dianemarie1369]

I need some advise. I hired a PI and they found my birthmother. After 38 years, I have a name, an address, and a phone number. What would be the best way to contact her so that she doesn't get scared and cut off all ties?

[InBlindFaith]

Write a letter. Introduce yourself. Tell her a little about you. If you are open for contact let her know. Don't forget to send a couple of pictures. Then send it certified mail so you know she got it.

Then have patience. It might take a little while for all of it to soak in. Hopefully, if she has been searching for you too then your wait won't be long.

Good Luck and keep us updated!!
(((HUGS)))

[newlyorphaned]

Yep! Write the letter. I found a lot of advise on the fourms for making contact. I sent a couple of pictures with the letter. Then you wait that's the hard part. Write from your heart and expect a wait. Our letters come as a big shock and sometimes it takes awhile for them to work through the shock and fear. Good luck

[dianemarie1369]

So the idea of calling her on the phone sounds like a bad idea?

[SISNLAW2]

Speaking from a birth families point of view. When we made the initial contact it was over the phone and it went very well and is still going very well. I think the phone is a great idea. I was told through my search not to make contact over the phone. Well i went with what felt right to me so i guess what i am telling you is do what your heart tells you to do darlin. Every situation is different. May God bless you in all that you do.

[InBlindFaith]

If I received a call from DD I would probably sit there fighting back tears and not knowing what to say. That is just me though.

If you make the call make sure you write out the questions you want to ask and the things you want to say beforehand. Then go into a room where you won't be distracted and call.

I would suggest a handwritten letter with pictures because it gives the two of you a chance to write from the heart. If you do send a letter make sure you put your phone number in there letting her know you would LOVE to hear her voice.

No one really knows which way is best. So my honest opinion? Take a deep breath and take that leap you feel most comfortable with.

I hope either way you get a wonderful, loving response!!! (((HUGS)))

[dianemarie1369]

This is so scarey

[InBlindFaith]

It will be okay. You have support here and there are other people who have "been there, done that".

Did you decide which form of communication you are comfortable with? If so, take a deep breath and slowly exhale...then do it. What do you have to lose?

(((HUGS)))

[dianemarie1369]

Rejection- I don't want to scare her off.
I have not yet decided.

[InBlindFaith]

If you are afraid of rejection or scaring her off then I would write a heartfelt letter. That way she will have time to process the emotions and hopefully write you back (or call).

I'll just keep sending you lots of (((HUGS)))

[dianemarie1369]

I have not heard back one peep from the Investigator. Tomorrow I am going to mail her the letter I wrote. I'll keep you all posted.

[InBlindFaith]

Don't forget a couple of pictures!! You gotta send pictures

[Aunt Zeus]

We found my son's Birth mom and made contact 1st thru e-mail.....it was a non threatening way and too we felt there would be no chance of someone else intercepting the letter or asking questions.
We kept 1st contact simple using my son's dob as identifing information allowing her to decide if she wanted to come forward as his b-mom.
We were lucky, she did,
The 1st webcam reunion was nothing but tears of joy. and the 1st phone call it was uncomfortable for her as she could not think of all she wanted to express but was much better at writing it out.

[roxannr]

i have recently found my son and what his adopted name is, i wrote two letters but no answer, his birthday is on april 5th do i send a card im lost on what to do.

[Aunt Zeus]

how old is your son?
while I can understand your need to know him he might not feel the same way and you must respect that.
I had prepared my son for the possiblitiy his mom might not want to be conatcted. He was ok w/ that because even if she did not welcome him He knew that SHE knew HE was ok and that is what is really wanted.
My son will be 16 in May and has been on this search since age 5,
Your son might not feel the need to make contact at this time.. you have provided him w/ information he can always "find" you now and he knows that you want contact w/ him.
Being an adoptive parent of one open adoprion I did not expect the feelings I had when I saw my son write my " adoptive" mom and yet called his birth mom "mama". I was shocked that I felt the little twinge of pain,
So give it time, if they were not looking for you that might not be prepared or want the relationship you want amd it is not just your son but this affect his whole family from the day he meets you forward. ... things have changed.
I like to think happy thoughts.. maybe he will contact you on his b-day..........he know you never forgot him.,..