[NYLM]

You're not going to believe this... I'm being stalked.
My BS (no pun intended) is staking out my house, office and apparently other places.

And now she's sending me threatening e-mails. Bear in mind I have't had any communication for about 7-8 months. No particular reason just drifted apart. Then one day I get a message summarized with "you better be careful".

I almost think it's funny but then wonder if she's a true blue psychopath.

Any thoughts?

[Gwen Berndt]

Your response should depend on your gut feeling about this. Stalking is against the law, and can lead to some really scary behaviors on the part of the stalker. If you're worried at all, let the police know she's stalking you and save your emails to show them.

If you're honestly not worried at all, perhaps call her up and ask what her problem is. If she's a psycho, that's not going to go over well, but if she's even remotely normal she'll probably tell you why she's doing this.

I dunno. I think I'd call the police (non-emergency number, anyhow).

[stunderdahl]

Whoa, that's...scary. I think I would email her back and say, "I'm confused and a little unnerved by the tone of your emails. I was under the impression that you didn't want any contact with me. I'm willing to respect that; is there another problem of some kind?" Then, if she follows up with more threats I would possibly consider seeking a restraining order.

[NYLM]

Thanks for the support. I sized her up a long time ago...she's the ring leader of the gang. She's so desperately trying to discredit me that she's looking for anything -- to try and make me look bad. As I mentioned before I never have nor do I intend to try and tap into their so-called inheritance.

This is why the toothy-grins have all dissapeared. Now that Bis's/BBro they've satisfied their curiosity about me, now they want me to dissapear.

I just can't believe she called my office asking about my position and tenure their like she was a FBI agent or something. That's just wrong in my eyes.

Anyway I'm just gonna continue living my trouble-free life. Thanks again guys!

[Pommom]

Since I first responed to this post my sister has not had anymore contact with me except for the fisrt initial phone conversation. I've sent her a birthday card and present and not even a email thank you or anything. My brother said she is on drugs and is jealous of me and the beginning relationship my bmother and I were starting to have. Now I don't even have any contact with her either because my sister gets so jealous if she even talkes or emails me. She has cut off contact with me so her daughter, my 47 year old sister doesn't get her feelings hurt can you believe that? She still lives at home and my bmother raises her 15 year old daughter because my sister is a meth head. My bmohter defends her by saying well she only uses it to lose weight. I really don't think I want to know either of these people and don't really consider them family. I do have a great email realationship with my brother I found who told me all this.

As for the sister stalker I would go to the police and let them in on what is going on just in case she tries something. That way it will already be on record and maybe they will do something to help you.
Let everyone at work know not to gove out any information on you. Even as minor as if your at work that day or not.
Well thats I have for now. Good luck with the good sisters and forget about the ones who turned out to be spoiled psychos.
Pommom

[Gwen Berndt]

Hey Pommom,
Wow, I can't believe your birthmom would defend your bsister's meth use by saying it's for weight loss!! Does she know your bsister will die from this unless she stops? I'm overweight myself and would never do something so stupid to lose weight. That stuff is REALLY scary... Wow... Maybe you're better off staying away from your bmom and bsister right now. Who knows, their situation could change in the future. I'm glad you found your brother, though, and that you two are developing a relationship over email - that's excellent.

[stunderdahl]

Well, obviously this is a prime example of co-dependency. Your bmom would rather shut you out than rock the boat with the addict, who is probably making her (and you) responsible for if she uses or not. As in, "If you have a relationship with her, I don't know if I'll be able to stay sober..." The fact that anyone would be so silly as to state that her daughter only USES METH for weight loss just speaks for itself. As sad as I'm sure it is for you, these are two very unhealthy people in a very unhealthy relationship and it probably is better for you to not involve yourself in it at this time. Perhaps in the future your bmom will eventually extricate herself and learn that she's basically helping her child continue to use, but there's no guarantee. I have a friend whose mother actually chose to spend Christmas with her alcoholic, drug-abusing son rather than her two sober daughters who refused to have their Christmas ruined (and expose their children to him). Addiction can hold an entire family hostage, but only if they let it. Just try to rejoice in the fact that you at least found a wonderful relationship with your brother, one that hopefully will continue to grow.

[Pommom]

Originally Posted by stunderdahl

Well, obviously this is a prime example of co-dependency. Your bmom would rather shut you out than rock the boat with the addict, who is probably making her (and you) responsible for if she uses or not. As in, "If you have a relationship with her, I don't know if I'll be able to stay sober..." The fact that anyone would be so silly as to state that her daughter only USES METH for weight loss just speaks for itself. As sad as I'm sure it is for you, these are two very unhealthy people in a very unhealthy relationship and it probably is better for you to not involve yourself in it at this time. Perhaps in the future your bmom will eventually extricate herself and learn that she's basically helping her child continue to use, but there's no guarantee. I have a friend whose mother actually chose to spend Christmas with her alcoholic, drug-abusing son rather than her two sober daughters who refused to have their Christmas ruined (and expose their children to him). Addiction can hold an entire family hostage, but only if they let it. Just try to rejoice in the fact that you at least found a wonderful relationship with your brother, one that hopefully will continue to grow.

Gwen and Stunerdahl,
Thank you for the replys and advice. Great news I found my full/half brother? John Paul who bmother refused to give me any info on. He was adopted out as well and has a wonderful family and also an adopted sister who I email everyday.
As for my bmom and sister Claudean still no word from them. Of course Lani bmother tells my brother Nick to tell me she is just to tired to call or email but,is thinking about me. She will never extricate herself from Claudean she has been held prisioner by her for some 15 odd years now. I'm not sure if she doesn't know what meth is or Claudean just lies to her and say she only uses it for weight loss and Lani thinks it's just some weightloss product out on the market. Nick tells her it is dangerous and she could lose her life all the time. I guess she doesn't want to face the facts or deal with it. When she did talk to me it was all about Claudean and how wonderful of a person she is and how well she is doing. All lies of course but, thats way she wants her to be. Since finding my newest brother John I've taked to his mother and she knew my bparents both. She said Lani was the one who set up the adoption and everything Lani told me about his adoption turns out to be lies so now I of course am wondering about mine as well. John met her about 8 years ago and decided he really didn't want anything else to do with her after their meeting, even though they corresponded for 3 years prior. She even lied to me saying he chickened out about meeting her. Not true they met and had lunch once. She said she never saw him as a baby and his mother said she held him. So not only is my sister a waste of time by bmother is a big lier. You guys are right at least I have my brother Nick and a half sister from bfather who I email but, I've finally tracked down John Paul.
You mentioned a friend who had her Christmas ruined. Similar circumstances Lani refuses to go to Nicks house for Thanksgiving unless he calles Claudean and personally invites her and makes her feel welcome of Lani will not go. Nick and Claudean got into a fight a couple of months ago Claudean on drugs in a rage. Lani said Claudeans feelings were hurt. This sister is 46 years old and has the mentality of a 15 year old. My halfsister said she doesn't even consider Claudean part of her life. At least not since Claudean stole her s/s# and used it to open accounts. What a mess that was and yet Lani defended Claudean. Sorry to rant and rave but, thinking about my sister makes me mad. Thanks for listening.

[hhdavis29]

I told my 7 and 9 year old boys about their placed 19 year old brother. Everyone told me to tell them...act like it was no big deal, and they would react the same. My 7 year old asked me why i was crying. My husband told him that "mommy was sad bc she hasn't seen her baby". My 9 year old said "YOU MEAN, WE HAVE ANOTHER BROTHER"...many questions followed...where does he live, is he in college, is that north or south of us, why can't we see him. Haven't gotten the "who's the daddy" question yet. Praise God! The younger boys handled it great. My anxiety over telling them was FAR worse than the actual conversations. I'm glad I told them early. If I had to do it all over again, we would have prayed as a family for their brother from the day my little guys were born.

[cetalley]

Hello to all in the triad, I am so humbled by so many of these post, but am perticularly interested in VMISC"s post. I am a firstmom, am in search for my twin sons whom are now 22 yrs old. The only thing I do know for sure, is that EVERY SINGLE PERSON , has the RIGHT to know of their origins and meet them and have ALL their questions answered....no if, ands, or buts! If what you want in your heart is to contact Jeff, GO FOR IT. This is not your secret burden to carry for Jeff's Mom. It is her fault for not being honest with the ones she loves. LOVE is a huge part of Honesty. She need to tell Jeff about you or you will. YOU have the Right to know all of your family.....We are not guaranteed one more minute on GODS' green earth, time is way too short. Lies breed more lies, be happy and contact your brother...Gods Blessings and Serenity to all. I can only hope to at least know my twins are safe, healthy ,happy and together, this will give me peace of some sorts.

[Pommom]

Hello,
I wrote a reply last year after I recently found my b-family. My brother accepted my right away but, my sister didn't really want anything to do with me for a year. Just out of the blue she started emailing me everyday for the last month or two. She has even called and sent me some pajamas for a belated Christmas present along with the stuff my B-mother sent. It's really wierd because it took her so long to want to get toknow me and now she is really interested in me. I am going there to meet them all for Thanksgiving and she said she can't wait to meet me and have a little sister. We talk like sisters now too. She emails me pictures of stuff she wants to buy and asks my oppion on them. My brother said she was jealous of me at first and insecure because thats just how she is. He said she got to know me and doesn't feel like I will judge her now and she realizes that I am not some super sister that my b-mom thinks that I am.
So now I have a sister and brother. I also have a half sister from my b-father who I've gotten to know via email too. She is great but, the two sisters don't get along at all. I stay out of the middle of them. I can't wait till my reunion. My husband and I are also in the process of an international adoption from the Marshall Islands.

[vmisc]

Hello

The mother of my half brother did finally tell him the whole story last Thanksgiving, and Jeff and I have been emailing each other and exchanging pictures. He lives in Florida and I live in New Hampshire. He also called me one time. I don't like to travel, so I won't be going to Florida, and he has never mentioned coming up this way.

[EZ2Luv]

My Bmom chose to keep me a secret and go to her grave with me a secret A secret that many outsiders knew except for her raised kids and myself. A few years after she died while her identity was still unknown to me, I became ill and was in dire need of medical information. A doctor friend convinced me to search. At the time my Amom was in full swing dementia and my Adqd was so sick and depressed over it that he was the last person I was about to go to because I wanted to spare my possible life threatening illess from him and he was in no condition to be approached about my sudden desire to search(I NEVER EVER wanted to search) I ended up searching and finding and obtaining medical information from one of Bmom's family members. Three years after finding Bmom deceased I decided to tell her raised children and was met with great resistance and accused of tryong to "claim" their mother. Whatever the heck that means. The only half sib that somewhat accepted me was a raging drug addict and was using and playing me as her own personal ATM. Needless to say that relationship only lasted from August to December and it was over. I have not heard any of the half sibs for the last 4 years. ALl that said, here is the ironic part. Though I had no idea who my Bmom was, upon searching I found her to be my Amom's younger sister by 2 years. I had a good relationship with my half siblings prior to all this as we were raised as cousins and now it is gone because their mom chose to lie even when asked because as I said outsiders knew and tld one of her raised daughter years before. Bmon straight out denied it and literally asked for a Bible to swear on. This is the only reason that one half sister believed me to be her sibling. That and the non id I showed her.

I can honestly say that though I had no desire to seach and probably would not have if I did not take sick, I am so glad I did search and find because it made me even more grateful I was raised by my Aparents and did not have to be raised with the Bfamily. God truly smiled on me the day I was adopted because no telling what type of life I would have ended up with.

EZ

[karenmarie1971]

I am 37 years old now and my Adopted brother is 41. I first found out about him when I was 17 in my foster home on a visitation from my father. (who is not his father) I called my mom and questioned her about it. She confirmed that indeed I had a brother.
At first I was very excited and angry. I thought man if he would have been in my life my stepdad would have never hurt me and my mom would have chose her children instead of choosing to stay with my stepfather. That was my fantasy.
The reality was that my brother found one of my mom's sister's and then her. I met him when I was about 25. We have had communications but no real closeness. He looks just like my mom and even is in the same proffession as her. He started calling me sis right away which I was very uncomfortable with. My mother and I have had a very strained relationship for very many years. I got pregnant with my first child at 32 and my mother started visiting me. He lives in the same state and in his words he "steals her from me " for private conversations and visits. It drives me nuts and I hate it. She chooses not to deal with any of the problems that we have and is getting closer and closer with her all the time. I feel like she comes here to see her now three grandchildren crashes at my house and goes to see her long lost son whom she bends over backwards for every chance she gets. Now him and his wife our pregnant and she is beside herself with joy... He calls her mom,and I hate it. He has a mom and dad and aunts brothers sisters everything I did not growing up and he is overtaking what little relations I do have with my mom. He be littles me and my mom just thinks it's jelousy on my part. I tried to have a relationship with him to no avail. The whole thing makes me sick to my stomache, and I feel I have no rite to feel the way I do. I feel that they are so rude when the do not include me and go off in my house to have private conversations. It is just unexceptable to me. If she just put half the time in trying to fix the way she ditched me off in Foster Care because her husband did the things he did to me as she dose hanging on her sons every words I would not be as resentful of there relationship. There is so much more to this story such as how he had communications with all my Aunts and just stopped talking to them and did not invite them to his wedding. His parents did not come to his wedding but he made such a fuss over my mom and did the mom and son dance he even made a speech about her, and honestly it was full of crap, stuff like his mom always being there for him I mean she was not ever there he was given up at birth! I think he did that as a show for his adoptive mom so he could hurt her. I saw the ceremony via video as he put my husband in his wedding as his groomsman and left me out of it all together. I was very hurt he did that to me after he did confide in me and ask me questions throughout the whole courting of his relationship with his now wife. His own family must feel as betrayed as I do. Before he met his wife he was very depressed and even suicidal and I was supporting him through that as well. My mom has now even stayed over at there house for the first time. I feel as though I should just tell her how I feel. I just want this to stop I think he has abanndoned his adoptive family and plays games with my moms heart because he can. I am confused, sad, angry and very hurt at all of this mostly that my feelings dont matter.

[karenmarie1971]

I cannot find any information on help for the siblings who have to deal with the Long Lost Son or Daughter... It's always about the adopted children and the biological parents and how they have all these stages and feelings to go through. Is there any help for the children who have to deal with this part of the adoption process?