[ALS2007]

On July 8th I met my bmom, bbrother and bsister (both a little younger) in a park halfway between our towns. The day itself was AMAZING and definitely the most intense/good emotional experience of my life.

But now, a month later, with all this context and face-to-face knowledge, I'm beginning to visualize that "other fate" I could have had with them, while before it was impossible since I'd never read their body language or heard them talk, etc. And despite how "good" all this is, I'm feeling depressed and melancholy, like I'm truly doing the "grieving" mentioned in most adoption books. I ache to see them again and hug them and talk to them, and it's making me feel guilty toward wanting them as a family (I'm close with my adoptive family) and also confused because I can't control the urge to want to be with them more - it's very deep.

Can anyone spin a positive perspective on this phenomenon, or reassure me about how it's normal, etc.?

I'm a 26 year old male grad student, just to give some bearings on who I am. Thanks everyone; I really appreciate your support!

[wilted rose]

Hi ALS, I've been in reunion for two years now and I can more than reassure you everything you're feeling is par for the course! If you pour through the many posts, early reunion specifically is intensely emotional, much like the way you feel when you first fall in love. When you add on the emotional gravity of each persons experience it can be quite a rollercoaster ride! Certainly grief is something to be worked through, but the good news is it can be, as I've said many times before reunion need not be a runaway train. Did I feel like you in the beginning? Absolutely! Did everything settle out and did my bfamily and I find balance? Yes. As for your afamily again, your regard for their feelings is very important. Keep the lines of communication open, be honest about why this is important for you and that it in no way negates your relationship with them. There is plenty of love to go around, you're simply adding to your circle! Keep posting, there are many caring supportive people here on the forums. Enjoy your day!
Rose

[snuffie]

Hi!
It's been 5 years in reunion for me and yes, it does settle down but I can remember feeling like a computer who had only so much "space" to process feelings and emotions and I was experiencing information overload!Your feelings are very normal. I felt an instant connection to my bfamily and I think a certain amount of grieving needs to take place for what could have been. It doesn't take anything away from our afamily and I realize that I am where I was "supposed" to be. It does take a while for our new "normal" to set in, to feel comfortable with all of the feelings. It will happen though. I speak with my bsibs a lot and in some respects it now feels as though we've known one another forever.

Give it some time and enjoy your wonderful reunion. I'm so happy for you!

Snuffie

[longingtomeetyou]

did you look for your birthmom or did she find you?