[aura]

Hello guys,

Sorry it's been a few days since I replied, our computer went down and we have been so busy. I emailed my birthdads brother back, I did wait a day until I calmed down a little, and I told him that I hadn't ask for anything but medical information and even if there was something that my dad had it isn't mine anyways. I assured him that I wasn't after anything, and that I still wanted to get to know him and his family and possibly meet...He had said in his email that he wanted to meet too. As far as resemblence to my birthdad, I have his hair when I don't straighten mine and we do both have blue eyes, and until I know different he is my birthdad, he signed to relinquishment papers and that was that!! Otherwise, things have been going better. Went to dinner tonight with my folks, it was nice, all of this has made me appreciate them more and more. It helps to have a supportive family and I don't know what I would do without all of you guys. Thanks for everything!!! Oh, and I finally got an address confirmation on my birthmoms dad and mailed out his letter. I will let you know if I hear anything. Aura

[MKW]

Hang in there Aura. Sounds like you're starting to get things in perspective.

MKW

[aura]

Dear MKW,
Thanks, I am starting to feel like it too. Have you visited to new message board for hurricane Katrina victums? This is such a disaster and it feels like you can't do enough to help. Aura

[aura]

Hello everyone,

Just a quick update! Not much has changed. I emailed my b-dads brother back and I haven't heard back, maybe he has decided that I am scamming him. I am so frustrated with this whole thing. I also emailed the lady who runs the home where my b-dad is, hopefully I will hear back soon. I really want him to know how I feel, even if he can't understand, maybe more for me than him but it's how I feel. Hopefully this lady will read it to him even if his mom or sister say no. I don't know what to do, I guess I will just wait, Patience-I hate that word. I have been keeping busy helping others and helping on the Hurricane Katrina message board. At least being able to help there makes me feel like I can contribute in some way. We live in Montana and it just doesn't feel like we can help enough. I watch the news and see all those people and I just want to help them all. It really makes my problems seem so small, and I am so thankfull for what I have. I hope you are all well and safe.
Aura

[krielly]

Aura,

Just getting caught up on your story. Wow!!!! What a roller-coaster. I'll be thinking of you...

The state found my bmom at the beginning of this year, she can't consent to contact at this time. Then they did a search for my bdad. They found out around the end of June that he died in March of this year at the young age of 59. Now I have a hearing scheduled for next week to see if the judge will grant my request to release his identity to me.

We keep plugging away don't we? What else can we do?

Take care
Karen

[aura]

Dear Karen,

It's all we can do, and I think in the end it is still going to be worth it. I am so sorry to hear about your dad, take time to grieve and be kind to yourself. A lot of people couldn't understand how I can grieve for someone I didn't know, someone who hasn't physically been a part of my life but you can. I was amazed at the emotions that surfaced and still do and I just have to accept it, grieve and I do alot of praying too. I'm not sure if my b-mom will contact me back or not, I guess we will see, all I can do is keep my chin up and wait. I hope at some point your b-mom will be ready to have a relationship with you, and by the sounds of it you do too. If you ever need a shoulder to cry on or vent to I am here, I understand kinda what your going through. Were you prepared for the rollercoaster ride? Hope to talk to you again soon! God Bless! Aura

[kakuehl]

Aura,
I have been reading this thread tonight and experiencing some of the roller coaster along with you! Patience is a gift many of us lack. (My prayer is "Lord, give me patience... NOW!) One thing that I have learned is that none of us (adopted or not!) has the perfect parents we long for, and we all have to mourn the loss of the parent we don't have, sometimes before we can rejoice in the ones we do have. While people you know may find it hard to understand your need to grieve, I think it is perfectly normal. After all you have many hopes and dreams built around your bfamily. At the very least, there are many questions ONLY your bparents can answer. You also need to mourn the loss of the hope of any relationship with your bdad.

I have a bson about your age. I am currently in a waiting mode. I found him through reunion.com, but it's been 5 years since he registered and while I emailed him through the registry, I don't know if the e-mail is up to date. I screwed up my courage and called the phone number but it had been disconnected. I sent a note to the address listed - I'm waiting for it to be returned. I also e-mailed his adad. (It turns out he's a colleague of mine - we're both pastors - and he is currently the pastor of the church where I grew up!) I hnestly don't know how much more to pursue it, because while I would love to be in contact with him, I don't know how he feels about it. (I do understand your roller coaster.)

I wish your news had been more positive. I will keep you in my prayers as you continue your journey.

Kathy

[aura]

Dear Kathy,

Thank you for your response, this isn't easy to deal with and it has been and will continue to be a long road but I still think it's worth it. I am slowly putting the pieces of my birth together and I have more knowledge now than I did when I started. I am contantly praying for patience and guidance and I know that God has a reason for all of this, I just need to give it to him and stop taking it back to dwell on. Thank you also for understanding my need to grieve and putting it into words, I am grieveing because I will have no relationship with my b-dad and that is a tough one!!! I will pray for you and your b-son, hopefully there will be a wonderful reunion when he is ready, one that will be worth waiting for. I was one of the lucky ones and have wonderful a-parents and they have been so supportive, my mom even cried for my b-dad and me when she found out what had happened. God has blessed me emensley!
Aura

[aura]

Hello Everyone,
Just an update, I heard from Kalvin this morning, he emailed me! It's good news, he knows I am not after anything and has had his mom call and give the home permission to read my dad the letters! My heart is singing, I can at least do what I need to. He said he feels on some level that he thinks Lucky will understand, putting me up for adoption was his biggest regret!! I need to write the letter yet and when I do I will post it in my journal! Thanks everyone! Aura

[nugget]

That is VERY good news.............sometimes it just takes time.
And a lesson I am currently trying to learn: People who are not adopted may not understand the need for information......NOW!! They don't understand the urgency.
I hate that!!
You said his mother is making the call, do you have any contact with her?

His biggest regret was having to place you. Wow. I know that must hurt but how nice to hear that as well.

Will wait for your journel entry as always!!
Wendy

[aura]

Dear Wendy,

I haven't spoken with Leda, my b-dad Lucky's mom yet, she has the begining stages of Alzeimers (spelling?). Kalvin relays my messages to her but it's hard to catch her on a good day. I would love to talk to her though, one of these times I might get lucky and get too. Kalvin does have a son in the system but he is not ready to search as of yet, I told him when he is I will help him if he would like. Thanks for the encouragement and understanding, you are all so great!! The rollercoaster ride goes back up for today, WOW!! I think writing this letter will give me a sense of closure as well and yes, finding out he regreted my adoption speaks volumes, it's HUGE!!! I don't mean that to sound bad, it gives me hope that on some level he will understand my letter and be at peace knowing I am okay. Aura

[MKW]

I understand exactly what you mean Aura - just knowing your Dad didn't want to give you up - it just does something for the heart doesn't it? I so hope the roller coaster stays up for a while - the plunges are just awful!

MK

[aura]

Dear MKW,

I'm glad you understand how I feel, the way I worded that sounded a little harsh I thought. I think the rollercoaster will stay up for a while, I am excited that Kalvin still wants to meet as does Leda and I can write my letter to my dad and let him know that I am okay. I want to find either a music box or a picture frame that plays Twinkle Twinkle Little Star and send it to him, I will know the one when I see it. I thought a picture frame with my picture in it would be nice! Mary said it is his favorite song! Thanks for all your support guys, I wouldn't have gotten this far without all of you! ((((((BIG HUGS)))))))
Aura

[nugget]

That sounds like a wonderful gift, not sure why but it made me cry.
I am so proud of how well you have handeled this all.

[aura]

Dear Wendy,

This is going to sound weird but I'm proud of myself a little too. I am a stronger person than I gave myself credit for and I am learning to stop and think things through instead of reacting spur of the moment or in anger. Of course I used to be a drug user so I guess I should be proud of how I handle things now, I have come a long way!! It's not all me though, I have wonderfull support from all of you and without that, without having someone who understands what you are feeling it's hard. You have been there and it's nice to hear that what you are feeling is "normal" and okay, that your not a bad person for getting angry or hurt and it's okay to say that's how you feel! Does that make sense? I hope so! Thanks guys!! Aura