[michigan baby]

Hi all, hope the holiday went went for everyone. We're just getting the BBQ fired up here on the west coast so dinner is still to come. It's still so nice outside, probably hovering around the mid-70's.

Tammi - I hope you enjoyed "Wally World" and hope that some fast ride jolted the remains of the stone right outta ya! Seriously, I hope you had a great day with you family.


Michele - I am SO glad Mat got to the doctor but am also surprised they didn't do a head x-ray. I guess all you can do is keep a close eye on him and be glad the doctor laid into Mat about helmet safety. Maybe it will sink in now coming from another source other than his parents!

Aura - You are doing such a great job sending all those pictures! Thanks so much for sharing. It's so fun to see everyone and their families. (And yes, I did spot your little flicker in the tree...)

Janet - I liked the pictures of your church, what a beautiful building. The architecture actually looks like it belongs in California or Arizona. Our church used to be a big appliance store and was renovated many years ago. I think we have about 2000+ people that attend weekend services. It is a big church but small community does thrive within the small groups. (thank goodness!)

Audrey - You remind me of my bmom, always working hard and not slowin' down anytime soon! You need to jump in my hot tub to ease your sore muscles. I'll be jumping in there in a short while so I'll be thinking of you! So...how was the movie?

Tbooth - Have really been thinking about you today and your wonderful visit. Isn't it amazing to have those deep conversations with her? I know most people take that stuff for granted but when you're adopted, it's like gold! BTW, the thing I'm embarrassed to admit...watching the soap, The Young and the Restless. I got started watching it way back in the 70's when David Hasselhoff was on it. I got 'sucked' back in several years ago when I was spending more time with my mom and we would watch it together. I did it to bond with my mom but after awhile....well, you know how that goes! (Tammi did admit she no longer has that 'problem.')

Well, I've finished dinner so it's time to settle down for the evening and soak in the hot tub. Hi to all I didn't address today, hope your weekend was great!

Night night to all you lovely people!

Diane (mb)

[aura]

Hello everyone,

I am done cleaning house, finally!! It has been a busy day but a fun one! My hubby is trying to help me with my avatar, he decided to reply to "K"s post, that would be my redneck man!!

Janet, this weekend has gone fast, too fast, but that is always the way it goes. I finally have my house cleaned, at least until my little angel wakes up tommorow, then we start all over again! I do hope you hear something soon hon from your CI, you have been so patient. You are always in my prayers!! Sounds like you and hubby had a busy day, my yard is a little wet still, I will give it a few days to dry out before I tackle it again.

Michele, I'm glad you liked the pictures..see what you started, I posted like a bunch of pictures. I guess I made up for the days I missed huh? How is Matt doing? I too am surprised they didn't do an x-ray, I do hope the doctors words sink in, he was lucky this time. I thank the lord everyday for my hubby, twice on the days that he irritates me, at least he is here to do that! I just get goose bumps when I think of almost losing him, it was a hard time yet I learned alot about God, love and myself! Seems our search and reunion journey has taught me alot too! Thanks for noticing the hair, I did cut alot off but it feels so healthy and soft now, I just love it, hubby is getting there....slowly!!

Diane, Glad to see you post lotts today. I will keep your son Nick in our prayers as he starts his journey, I am sure he will make lotts of memories. To be so young and free, I remember those day...well, most of them. I had a bit of drug trouble but that feeling of freedom, like you have the world by it's wings...WOW!! He sounds like a wonderful son and I am sure you are very proud of him. Tell him thank you for serving from all of my family!

Tammi, I hope you survived your day of fun and what was left of your stone didn't! As you can see I have been busy posting, ALL DAY, this is what happens when I have too much time on my hand, and a camera and absolutely no mother hen supervision!! Like I told Michele, I think I have made up for not posting most of last week!! I get to go back to work tommorow so you are all safe at least until 5 or so!! Hope your day was a good one hon!!

Tbooth, you are in my thougts hon! I hope you have had another day of making lotts of memories for you and your bmom. I love reading your posts, they make me smile!!

Hi to everyone else, hope you all had a good weekend! Goodnight guys!!

[mrosey]

Aura, I love the pictures...all the pictures. Don't stop posting them...it's nice to "see" instead of just typing. I hope everyone keeps posting them.


Good night guys....i'm beat

m
xo

[JJinSanDiego]

Howdy Threadmates!


Aura, I loved the pics! I think you look a lot like Lucky. And I did spot the Flicker in the tree. Way cool! It was good to see George and the latest of Bre, the wonder child!

Hello Janet - I agree that your church is beautiful! I'm glad you have a smaller community. It's so easy to get lost in the bigger ones. I go to the same church as Diane, though I'm on a sort of hiatus for a season. There are over 2000 but there is a smaller community within the larger one. I met Diane and her DH soon after I arrived. Then somehow we got hooked up, but neither of us can quite remember when or where. We've been buds ever since. The adoption journey just added to it. And now we can share all of you too! Cool huh?

Tryna, I continue to be delighted that your bmom is with you. This is just so GREAT!! I am really enjoying this week with you!! Don't worry about updating us, just enjoy your mom every moment you can! We'll still be here when she's gone . . . then we want DETAILS!!!

Tammi, so gladI didn't have to go into WITHDRAWALS today!! That would just not be good!! I know what you mean about the deathbed thing! I think if I were indisposed, I would be asking for my laptop or telling Diane what to pass on to all of you!! (I am SO lucky to have Diane!).

Well Gang, I have been pretty pathetic this weekend!! Fortunately I HAVE to go to work tomorrow and be out among the living. After the move I came home and pretty much haven't left my bed for TWO DAYS!! I did go out (with dirty hair nonetheless!) to the store today to pick up my anti-depressants (how SAD is that!!) only to find they were closed for the holiday (not to worry, I have samples at home. It's not like I'm going to have a frickin' hysteria attack if I miss a day anyway!) And tomorrow night I'm supposed to go to a group end of the year celebration at a restaurant of a bible study group (they invited me even though I was a schmuck & dropped out). I will take all prayers. I am kind of a mess (understatement). I have all sorts of memories from my afamily popping up and I am a MESS!! I consider starting a new thread to avoid hijacking this one. I thought I would title it, "Secondary Wound" since it has to do with the mess of my afamily.

Seriously, I thought I knew a lot more about grief than I think I do . . . need to explore that further. There is SO much GUNK inside that I fear tainting anything I touch. If I go silent for a little while, it won't be because I don't care about you . . . I just feel like a royal mess. Kind of like Pigpen that has this cloud that goes everywhere he goes . . . yuck!

Anyway, I LOVE all of you. I just feel so pickin' wounded and gross right now. I think many of you can relate . . .

You are in my heart & thoughts . . .
JJ

[mrosey]

Ok JJ...I was going to sleep but I was lurking and just saw your thread....If you feel gross and yuky right now that's cool....just know that if you want to talk or throw it out there I'm here and so is everyone else. I know those days cuz God knows I have them too! And yes, I had to laugh about your dirty hair and running to the store to get your ads and then it's closed? What IS THAT? OK...I do know those days...but this too shall pass. Sometimes we just need to to bunker down and think it out. Have a good night and remember...yo are SO not alone!
Actually, I checked in earlier while at my in-laws...gotta tell you, I was feeling no pain with the cosmos she whipped up, I started to post then realized every word was backwards or made no sense...and I'll tell you why....so...my mother-in-law insisted on calling my birthmom today so she could talk to her for the first time Just the other day she said "Carla who?" Man this is not easy. Carla was like ok, "what was that?" I told her if I wasn't so drunk i might know...how embarassing. Did that little story make you smile, a little? Sometimes I think everyone's crazy....it's not us JJ lol!


xo
michele

[Racer22]

Hi all,

Hope that everyones weekend was great.

I got to plant some flowers up at the in-laws this weekend for them. Some of the stuff was transplantfrom thierold house last year that I kept for them until now plus some of my stuff and a few new plants.
As far as plant go nothing compares to what I have to plant at the mansion every year. I have 14 flower beds and 22 pots/urns. $1500-2000 in annuals!!! I am not looking forward to it but it looks nice when done. I will post pic of it when done.
I need to go now as the rain storm has finially passed. We got 2-3 inches in about 45. I am guessing that about 4" total. I have to go check for damage and see how bad the gravel drive to the other half of the farm. I was on it during th3e start of the storm and could not see it for all the water running down it.
Talk more later.

Jed

Love everyones pics.

[eastendmommy]

Well, I didn't get on in the morning like I usually do, then it took me forever to catch up on your posts! Thanks for posting your pictures, Aura! I love them! You DID get alot cut off your hair! And I saw your big Northern Flicker, too! I wonder how long the novelty of their pecking will last! My Dad had a BBGun he used on pesky critters...I took it and hid it from him when I was a teenager.

Hope your blue funk doesn't last long, JJ. We've all been there... lean on Diane a little more now...she's closeby. Your in my thoughts and prayers... I know what you're going through. The weekend did go by quickly, but I can't complain...every day is summer vacation from now until August. Just got done filling up their 500 gallon pool...not a bad investment for under $20.00... might last the summer!

Hope Mat is all better by now, Michele... How much longer do they have to go to school? Sometime end of June is when it's over, isn't it? We had a blast at Wally World...Moose out front should've told you!!!!! My daughter discovered go-carts and was - surprisingly - tall enough to drive one of the faster models... Dannicka Patrick, watch out! My upper arm muscles hurt like crazy today from fighting the steering wheel through the turns in those darn go-carts! It was a blast! Spent most of the daylight hours at the huge water park, must've been 8 different water attractions....slides, riverboats, tunnel thingy's, etc. Only spent about 3 hours actually riding rides, but there were hardly ANY people there, and you'd just run up and get right on whatever you wanted and go! We rode everything that interested us (I'm not as adventursome as I once was), my kids had no fear of any of it...the twistier turnier, the better! I USED to be like that when I was younger...once I had children, the equilibrium changed and now they make me nauseas. Wah! Lots of rides that I'd really like to go on, just don't wanna have to walk around green for an extended period of time in between!

Hiya, Janet! Hope you hear something in a few weeks from your CI, hon! Your time is near!!! (I'm trying to type and keep an eye on my kiddos in their big bathtub of a pool out on the deck, so bear with me here, please!) You've had quite a warm start to your summer, haven't you?! We've been in the upper 80's and lower 90's for the past week...I love it! I live for warm - no, make that HOT - weather!!! At least you're keeping very busy passing the time until you receive your news! I love how involved in your church you are!

Hope you had a nice holiday at the in-laws, Jed! Maybe you had somebody cooking YOU something on the grill for a change! That would be nice, eh? Hope you're not too bummed out having to go back to work this morning in that absolute DUMP!!! Hahaha!

How's Bmom-land, TBooth??? I'm sure you had an emotionally exhausting evening... I guess that just goes to show you how you can't script these things out... the best conversations and occassions - it would seem - are the ones that just play out naturally and happen, whether you 'planned' them or not! And you still have a few more days, don't you?! I'm so glad that you were able to spend this time with her, hon!

Hi Diane! I can remember sitting on the couch before I was in kindergarten and watching The Young and the Restless with my mother... when I was pregnant with my second son, I started watching it again to pass the time...amazing how quickly I got up to speed after a 20 year hiatus! I stopped watching a couple of years ago when it started coming on at the same time as my kiddos were getting home from school...too chaotic to keep up with a soap any more! I still get a glimpse every now and then...just a little taste to kinda sorta know what's going on...

Hello to everyone else around here! Hope you had nice relaxing long weekends!

Hugs, Tammi

[geogdeb]

Wow! You are a hard group to keep up with! When I am not at work I tend to stay off the 'puter, but I am going to try and get on more often. I miss way too much!

Tammi -- I am so glad you got to get out to the amusment park with your kids. I am the same way you are. I love to ride roller coasters and the like, but I find that nowdays I get sick! It really isn't fair. I talked to Nate on Friday. It is getting easier and easier to have conversations with each other. I am so looking forward to October when I can finally meet him f2f. What's going on with Jason? Have you called him lately? The first couple of months are hard, but it will get easier.

Michele -- boy I'll bet Mat scared you to death! But maybe it was a good scare in that he will be much more careful now. The problem with youngsters is that they believe they are immortal! Sometimes it just takes a good scare to make them realize they are not.

JJ--Have you finished the move yet? I am sorry you are feeling so bad right now. Keep in mind that you are not your afamily and can separate yourself from them. I wish we were closer so we could help you more. What have you heard from your CI lately? I am so pscyhed about your visit. I like red wine most of the time. I like a good white wine, but that usually means an expensive white wine. KY has interesting liquor laws. For example, the city I live in is wet, but the county itself as well as the surrounding counties are dry (and I'm not talking about a drought .

Aura -- I love the pictures you put up. You and Bre look so much alike. And what a handsome hubby you have!!! Were the pics before or after you cut your hair? You and your bmom also look a lot alike.

Tbooth -- I am so glad you are having a wonderful time with your bmom. So you had an emotional talk? I often wish that Nate and I could put a little more emotion into our talks. Maybe it will happen when I see him for the first time. And then again, it might just because he is a male. My friends and I call it the "defect". You see, the xx chromosone and the xy chromosone are only different because a tail fell off the second x for men. Therefore it is a defect and they can't help it! (no offense Jed and stepdad, guys like you seem to have overcome any defect there ever was).

Diane -- I am so jealous. I wish it was still in the mid 70s instead in the 80s and 90s. Unlike Tammi, I don't like the heat much. I have too much insulation and I grew up in the dry west. But some steaks on the barbie for me!!!! One of the reasons I chose the southern hemisphere for summer study abroad trips is that it is winter there!

Janet -- Maybe you can work the great barrier reef into your next dive trip. Wouldn't it be cool if your bbrother did fly there. What a fun vacation to take with family!!!

Audrey -- I am so glad you are hearing more from your bson. It is nice to know that these relationships can last. I am so looking forward to years of getting to know Nate.

MKW, Kat, Pip, Jed, and everyone. I want you all to know I am thinking of you and reading your posts with interest. I know that life is busy and I appreciate all the time that you all take out of your lives to read my posts and respond. I promise I am reading yours and thinking of you all often.

Deb

[mrosey]

Originally Posted by geogdeb

I talked to Nate on Friday. It is getting easier and easier to have conversations with each other. I am so looking forward to October when I can finally meet him f2f.

Deb it's so nice to hear you say that. I'm so happy for you. It does get easier and easier. Enjoy all your conversations and keep that smile on your face

xo
Michele

[geogdeb]

Michele -- Thanks so much for the hugs and encouragement. One thing I will always remember is how all of you were there for me when the reunion was so stressful. So even though I have read most of this thread, I forget. Were there very many stressful times when you were first in reunion with Carla. I know that you said that you and your bdad hit it off almost right away. It seems to me that you have had almost perfect reunions. Am I wrong? I hope not!!!!

Deb

[JJinSanDiego]

I'm back . . . . !! Worked 12 hours today and it was good for me but I am exhausted!! Overall the move has gone well with not too many issues.

I've got some major emotional processing going on . . . I am actually starting to connect feelings to memories! That's me, the ICE WOMAN!! It creates some quandries though. I am experiencing some NEW anger toward my amom. She was really a disturbed person and many things that NEVER should have happened happened to me. I've forgiven her and processed these things intellectually, but now I have all these FEELING things going on - mainly anger and grief. My PROBLEM is that usually I call my mom weekly and couldn't do it Sunday as I said I would. I STILL haven't called. When we talk it is usually very superficial - weather, sports, her health, some general things about my job . . . I AVOID sharing my interior life with her because she can't be trusted with it.

I am not able to call and do the superficial thing right now. But I haven't called as I said I would. I don't know WHEN I will be able to call. I feel I OWE her an explanation for not calling . . . but I don't TRUST her with my feelings. This is my quandry! I feel like I need some time and space to get myself together before I can speak with her again. But I'm at a loss of how to explain the lack of calling.

I don't see my therapist until next Tuesday . . . any input would be appreciated. And ALL prayers gratefully accepted.

For me to call her would mean having to operate out of my "false self" right now. I feel that would inhibit my healing process. My mom has no clue that I see a therapist, suffer from depression, had a nervous breakdown last year . . . When she had her breast cancer scare, I finally shared my issues (been going on for 5 years now!)with that in order to encourage her. She really doesn't know me. Just thinks she does. Sad.

Meanwhile, my feelings begin to emerge. This is SO new for me! It is really a disorienting process but I also know it is FORWARD progress. And now I can say with experience, it hurts like he** to move forward!

So glad I have all of you . . .sorry this is such a me me me post, but also know you get that too.

Love you,
JJ

[joycie]

Originally Posted by JJinSanDiego

I STILL haven't called. When we talk it is usually very superficial - weather, sports, her health, some general things about my job . . . I AVOID sharing my interior life with her because she can't be trusted with it.]

JJ, I FEEL the conflict that is churning inside of you and how I wish it could be stilled! You SAID you would call and yet you find that you are unable to do so and you are letting yourself become riddled with guilt. You're beating yourself up over it and making yourself miserable . I wish you would give yourself a break in this matter. You aren't able to call her now. End of story. If you were lying in a hospital bed unable to communicate, no one would question why you weren't calling Mother or anyone else, would they? For a completely different reason you are not able to call her now and you know it. This reason is every bit as valid as the first hypothetical one I just mentioned. You DO NOT have to call her today, next week, whenever if you aren't able to. There must be someone who you can speak to or send an email to and ask that person to send your regrets to your mother for being unable to call now...since your therapist does not advise it at this time....or whatever reason you care to offer. Right now, it is paramount that you put yourself first and there is nothing wrong with that. Be kind to yourself. It is imperative if you are going to get through this rough patch without another breakdown. We will all support you to that end. For you JJ! Audrey

[aura]

Hi everyone,

Today has been a long day, tummy if feeling yucky again! Long day at work too!

JJ, Hi hon! I am so sorry you are hurting, I wish I could make it better for you!! I know as a Christian that just when I think I have dealt with something Satan will find a foot hold and wham, you are left spinning. Hon, this is my advice...if your mom calls, just tell her you are very busy right now, you have alot on your plate and are having a hard time finding anytime for you little alone everyone else. You have been very busy lately and you do have alot on your plate hon, both emotionally and at work so you are not lying or stretching the truth. You need to take this time for you, get through how you are feeling and remember, you are right where God wants you to be and he will never give you more than you can handle, even thought sometimes it feels like it and you scream for mercy! Also, don't ever feel bad about , or apologize for needing us! We are always here for each other, thats what friends are for. I hope my advice helps sweetie and if you need a shoulder let me know, I am here!

Deb, It is so good to hear you say that your conversations with Nate are getting easier. In time you learn about each other and it does get easier, you become friends!! The pictures of hubby, I and Bre were after I cut my hair, the one of Jenny and I was before! Hubby likes the handsome coment..made his day! We are glad that you check in during the day, you almost have too with the way we all like to post! Hey, I had to get a notebook and take notes after missing 4 days!! LOL

Tammi, good to see you post hon and I am so glad you had fun, sounds like your day was great!! Glad you liked the pictures, you have no idea what I went through to get hubby to pose for those, I decided not to gripe about the glasses...I have learned to pick my battles wisely!! As far as the Flicker novelty, that was gone about 5:30 this morning when they both started making noise! I asked my hubby what are we going to do when we have a bunch of baby flickers making noise...I just realized how bad that statement sounds..maybe it's just me....anyways!!! I am glad I am not the only one who suddenly, after having Bre, can't go on fair rides anymore. I used to love it and then all of a sudden even looking at some them makes me want to hurl. I thought it was just me..you all make me feel so normal!!

Jed, It sounds like you have your hands full, I can't wait to see the pictures when you are done though. I bet it will be beautiful!!

Michele, I am not sure my attachments will let me post anymore pictures but I will keep going until it stops me...I will let you all know when I reach the limit! You have created a monster. How is Matt doing? I hope you are doing well too. Bre had a rough night, her horns were showing, I swear she tests every boundry she has, twice, just to make sure. She went up to her dad and licked his face tonight, yes, just like the dog does. Her dad of course licked her back, while he held her arms down, she was soaked when he was done and she was mad...she made it to the hallway, put both hands on her hips and proceeded to tell him "Dad, I am very pis*** at you"! I started to laugh, the look on his face was hilarious, we won't discuss where she picked that one up from....in my most innocent voice possible!! Kids do say the darndest things!! Or is it just mine???


Hi Audrey and everyone else, hope you all had a blessed day...I am heading off the get some pepto and then to bed. Going to be a long day tommorow, had one guy quit today and another employee went into labor on shift tonight...I may never get out of work this week, owell, maybe I can work enough overtime to afford a trip in July...Gee, wonder where I will go???

[Janet Heath]

Originally Posted by aura

I may never get out of work this week, owell, maybe I can work enough overtime to afford a trip in July...Gee, wonder where I will go???

How about meeting me at the Grand Cayman Islands!

[mrosey]

Hey JJ


Breathe my friend. I know what you are feeling. Audrey's right, you are beating yourself up with lots of guilt. Please try and let it go. Nothing bad will happen if you don't call right now. You are an adult and Santa will still come if you don't call. I know that sounds ridiculous and I'm not making fun...I just think that we all have that childhood guilt thing going on even as we are supposed to be functioning adults. You are going through such a hard time right now. Waiting to hear from Kay is unbearable. Maybe there's some misdirected anxiety, hm? Don't get mad at me I'm just trying to sort it out. ( I know I'd probably become defensive is someone said that to me...I'm not a therapist but sometimes when I'm feeling anxious I've come to learn that it is usually because I have no control over something...ya know what I mean?) I know a little about your past from reading your journal. I can't honestly say that I can relate in some regards...but off the top, I think at the moment, the most important thing is what I said first, nothing bad will happen to you if you can't call right now. It's OK!

xo
Michele