[kapickle]

Hi everyone -- I'm starting this thread as a place to share news, vent, ask questions, etc. about my reunion as it unfolds.

Here's the current scoop: I contacted my birthmom via a letter sent through the mail right before Mother's Day. She is thrilled that I've found her and we've been e-mailing every day since. Yesterday we talked on the phone for the first time, for four hours!!!!! We're beginning to talk about seeing each other. She and her boyfriend might come down to my house for a visit (we live in different states). She has two other daughters (sisters!!) who know of my existence. She is wanting to tell them we've been talking as soon as she can get them both together. So no problems here so far. Everything is going very, very well.

There is the small issue of what to call each other. I've settled on "mom" and it's getting easier, so I think that will work out. She is currently calling me by the name she gave me at birth, which is different than my adopted name. I'm not sure what to do about this, if anything, once we meet. Can I be known by two names? I'm just not sure yet.

My birthmom has been having some difficulty talking about my birthdad. I'm not sure I know all the reasons yet. But, she has now given me enough info that I was able to figure out his name and I have also located him!! It took only a few minutes, so I'm in total shock right now. It was just so, so easy. I've just sent an e-mail to my birthmom this morning to let her know that I found him, but I'm not sure how she'll react. I want to contact him too, but not now. I'll wait until my relationship with my birthmom is more settled.

I've told my amom about all this and her reaction was not great but not awful either. She's worried about me abandoning her and I think worried about how close I might get to my bmom. It's a legitimate concern because I do think my bmom and I are on our way to becoming quite close. Should I feel guilty that I've never been close to my amom? I think I'm just getting too old now for all that guilt. I'm not going to abandon her at all, but I'm not going to keep a distance from my bmom just to appease my amom either.

So that's where I'm at as of today. I don't have any specific questions or any advice to give. I'm just posting to let it all out. I'm up and down, very emotional right now and spending so much energy on this, which I know will have to stop eventually or I'll never get anything else done!!! I do feel a little obsessed with it all right now. So I figure I'll just come here and try to get some of it off my mind. Right now my bmom and I are communicating fantastically, better than I even hoped. But is the time coming when I'll crash and burn??? I sure hope not.

Thanks for listening!

[kperoc]

Kapickle,
Congratulations on your reunion!
It seems that you have been extremely lucky so far. Keep in mind the different stages in reunion. There is a thread here somewhere listing them.

One or both of you may need space to chill out and digest all the feelings that are coming now. Do not be alarmed.

If I may suggest: keep the communication open and honest, don't do anything you don't feel comfortable (the 2 names is of concern to me).

In my situation someone wanted to call me by my birth name, and I was not comfortable with that. So I set the boundry that my current name be used.

All the best to you!

[kapickle]

Thanks kperoc! I know, right now we're in that "honeymoon" stage. I know we'll have to chill out eventually and let our lives get back to normal.

The name thing is weird because I actually like having her call me by my original name. I've known what it was since I was pretty young, so I guess in my mind I've kind of thought of myself with that name at times anyway. I've been signing my e-mails to her with that name also. I asked my husband if it's strange for him to see me using a different name, but he said that it wasn't because I told him a long time ago also what it was (as long as he can still call me "Karen"!). When I try to imagine what it will be like to be in a room with people who know me by both names though, I don't know if I'll like it. But right now at least I don't like the alternative of never being called by that name either.

Obviously I'm going to have to think about this one for a while. I'm not ready to make a decision yet.

[l-thompson]

kapickle - Congratulations It certainly is early days for you but sounds like you are off to a great start!!

I'm not so sure about the two names though...
I have been known by the name my parents gave me forever and I think I would feel a bit unsure being called by the name my birthmom gave me......as long as it feels comfortable to you....does it??

As far as feeling guilty about having contact with your birthmom because of your mothers reactions, I do understand but I also think there is really nothing to feel guilty about. Like you say, you are an adult now and that passage into adulthood also allows us the freedom to make choices that feel right for us.
My parents didn't like talking about adoption...it was pretty much a closed subject in our home....I held off searching for many years fearing my actions may hurt them or may be seen as being disloyal to them as parents. It took me a long time to realise that I have no control over how they process and react - thats up to them. My parents are both deceased....my search took so long that when contact was finally made they had passed....it sounds a bit cold, but to be honest it has been a blessing in reunion. I still have a few negative thoughts now and again and I still feel my parents presence but I have been able to embrace all thats good in reunion without feeling too weighed down with my parents feelings.

Every happiness to you and keep us all updated......just can't get enough of reunion stories

[Kitti]

Hi,
I am not in reunion as of yet with my birthdaughter so I have no real personal experience, but I wanted to post anyway. First I have to say congratulations! I know this is a very exciting time for you and for your birthmom.
I read so many up and down stories of reunion and look at all the warnings and such, but my feelings are along a different line of thinking than most. I say go for it, give everything and love completely. I think that there is so much caution that many people dont allow themselves to truly be honest about their feelings toward one another or a situation. I am naieve in a way because I never saw any reason for anyone to lie to me or hurt me and when it has happened in the past I have been genuinely shocked because I never would do it to someone else. Even in a painful situation I dont regret giving anything my best effort because I know I did all in my power to make things good for all involved. If you dont leave yourself open to be hurt you will never know true joy when it comes along.
I have always thought that the more people that love a child, the better off they will be. I have always thought amoms and bmoms should get along and have a respect for each other because they love the same child. This may be unrealistic but I will stand by those thoughts.
Try to stay positive and set boundaries you are comfortable with. This journey belongs to you and your family. I hope it is all your ever dreamed of. Take Care!

[ssOct77]

kapickle, I think this is a wonderful idea for a thread! Thank you! I really need a place to share with other adoptees in the process of reunion. As happy as I am, I am also very overwhelmed. I realize there are many challenges ahead, but I'm trying to do this right and take things slow. I understand very well what you mean about that "too good to be true" feeling. I'm learning about the positive and negative characteristics of my birthmother. However I already know that she is a good, loving person and that is what matters. I certainly don't expect her to be perfect and she's much more than I ever hoped, so I'm going to keep that in mind if/when the difficult times in our relationship come.

So here's a little about my situation. I am an adoptee in my late twenties and I contacted my biological sister, who is about a year and a-half younger than me, almost two moths ago. She had no idea of my existence, but confirmed it with her mom (my birthmother). We also share the same birthfather, but he has never been a part of her life. I spoke with my birthmother for the first time within a couple days of contacting my sister. So far, everything is going very well. I have spoken with several members of my biological family and I am going to be meeting them in a couple weeks. My sister and I have already become very close and speak on the phone almost every day. My birthmother and I also speak very often and although our relationship is not developing as quickly as with my sister, we are definitely forming a connection.

For most of my life I never wanted to contact my biological family. My parents have always been very open and supportive of whatever I wanted to do. It was not until I found out that I had a sister that I decided to search. So far things with my birthfamily have been very positive. My dad is having a hard time, but I've always been "Daddy's little girl" so I understand his misgivings. He and my mom are still very supportive and I think that once they meet my birthfamily they will feel better. I keep reassuring them that I love them and I am not looking to replace them. Having one set of parents is enough work!

My big issue so far is that my birthfamily is expecting me to be a part of the family. I do not necessarily have a problem with this, but I can already tell that they are a very dramatic family. They are very loving, wonderful people and it's not like there are any negative or harmful things going on in the family. It's just that they are all very emotional and expressive. I am more like my parents; reserved and shy and quiet. I am also having a hard time putting it all in order, so to speak.

It has been very helpful for me to read about others' experiences in adoption and reunion, both positive and negative ones. I hope through this thread I can gain insight and support from different reunion experiences.

[kapickle]

Before I respond to everyone, can I just tell you all how frustrated I am!!! I just typed up a long response and then found when I tried to post it that I had been logged out. When I logged back in, everything I had written was gone!!!!! I guess I'll be composing offline from now on.

(Deep breath……..)

I am so happy to see all these responses! This is such a great place to come to talk about these issues. I know for myself it's hard to find people who really understand how I'm feeling because they just haven't experienced anything like this.

I-thompson -- Thanks for writing! Yeah, I'm still up in the air about the two names. On the one hand, I like being called by my birthname. It's like I’m trying it out to see how it feels. On the other hand, I certainly have no intention of changing my name. I'll always be Karen to everyone else. But then, there are people who go by more than one name, like people who sometimes use their middle name rather than their first name, or women who sometimes use their married name and sometimes use their maiden name. I don't think I'll really know for sure what I want until I meet my bmom in person and hear her call me by my birthname in front of people who know me as Karen. Right now I'm thinking that I would like to find a way to use both names.

The whole aparent thing seems to be an issue for most everyone. In my case, I did wait until my adad passed away before I started my search. I think that was because I was always his favorite and I didn't want to hurt him. I've never been that close to my amom. Of course, I don't want to hurt her either but I also really needed to do this for myself. I understand what you mean about it being easier now that your aparents are both gone. In all honesty, I thought about waiting until my amom is gone also, and I too feel like that is such a cold thing to say, but it is easier to not have to worry about hurting anyone else. But I decided to go ahead now because I'm not getting any younger either and because I want my son to know all of his mom's family.

Kitti -- I'm so glad you wrote! I really appreciate all the bmoms' input. I'm realizing now in talking with my own bmom how different our perspectives really are about my birth and adoption. I agree with what you said about being open, that it does mean there's that risk of getting hurt but that you can't build a close relationship without taking that risk. When I first started talking to my bmom I was a bit guarded and so was she. Now it's only been a week and a half, but boy have we opened up. We're definitely taking risks! We've told each other a lot of details about our lives. But I do have to tell you that we've had a couple of rough patches already where both of our feelings have been hurt. The good news is, so far we've worked through these very quickly. We're on fast forward right now, trying to catch up on so many lost years. Of course, we have to talk about my birth and those are the really emotional conversations. There is so much pain there for both of us but for different reasons. We have to work on seeing the other person's side a little more I think. At least, I know I do!!

Ssoct77 -- Nice to hear from you again! I'm glad you shared your story here. It's interesting to me that you decided to contact your sister first. I also knew before I made contact that I had two sisters and I always thought that if my bmom didn't want to talk to me then I would contact them directly, but I wanted to try to talk to my bmom first. How did you come to the decision to start with your sister?

I understand what you're saying about your afamily and your bfamily being different. I have the same experience. My afamily is also very reserved, not outwardly affectionate. My bmom is the exact opposite. But in my case, I'm happy about that because I always felt like my own personality was being stifled with my afamily. I'm very emotional and affectionate by nature, just like my bmom. I'm very affectionate with my husband and son and also very open with them about everything, which is much different than how I was raised. It does still feel strange though to be affectionate with my bmom because I'm just not used to all that gushiness from a mother. I think I’m really going to like it though. I don't think my afamily will change at all, we'll still all be reserved with each other. It sounds like you feel differently than I do though, and that's OK too. You have to do what's comfortable for you.

Let's keep this conversation going! I know it's helping me sort everything out and I hope it's helping others as well.

[kapickle]

So here's my update for today………..

My bmom and I are just working through our second period of hurt feelings. She was not very happy to learn that I located my bdad and that I want to eventually contact him. They were both teenagers when I was born. She didn't really have much of a relationship with him, but she does still have a lot of hurt feelings about the whole situation. She also thinks he won't welcome my contact. And she's afraid that I'll end up closer to him than to her. So, there are a lot of conflicting feelings there. I don't think I handled this too well because of the way I just threw it out there to her that I had found him and that I planned on contacting him in the future. I'm not going to do it right away, I have enough to handle right now just with building this relationship with her. After some going back and forth about this, and some crying on both our parts, I think we're understanding each other better now. I couldn't even put into words at first why I feel I have to contact him, but now I finally have so I hope it will help her to understand. What's honestly weird about it is that while I was growing up I always thought about her and always wanted to find her, but I never really felt that way about my father. But then during my search I got information about him that I wasn't expecting and all of a sudden I wanted to find him too. I'm glad I know his name now and know where his is. Now I feel like I have to contact him one day even if he does reject me, just to have that closure. Make sense to anyone? I have to say though that all of sudden I think I know some of what a child of divorced parents must feel like, when one parent just doesn't want you to have anything to do with the other parent and it's more about their feelings than about yours. This is such an unexpected development, something I just never considered that I probably should have. I think I expected that she would just be able to tell me everything I needed to know about my father, but she actually doesn't know that much so now I have to find out more on my own.

Up and down, up and down…………..yep, I'm definitely on that roller coaster!

[ssOct77]

It seems that in the past week every day has brought a new challenge in this process! It feels like my situation continues to become more and more complicated. I'm finding it hard to follow my own advice, because it is just not that easy. There are so many people involved, between my adoptive and biological families, whose feelings I am trying to protect. The funny thing is that I have no issues, no problems. It's everybody else coming to me with their issues and problems. I'm the adoptee, the "child" (athough obviously I'm all grown up now ) at the middle of this and I seem to be the strongest, most adult one here!

My mom and I have never had a great relationship, because we are as different as night and day. I love her very much though and I honestly have been trying so hard in recent years to make her happy and to have a successful relationship with her. She is very sensitive and has a lot of issues with needing validation and acceptance. She is also extremely self-centered and very demanding. Although I would never normally appease anybody like her, I play her games because as frustrating and downright infuriating it is it's actually better than dealing with her being even more upset if I don't.

My mom always makes every situation about her. She literally lacks the capacity to see things from someone else's perspective. It took me 25 years to accept that I cannot change her, so trying to convince her she's wrong is not an option. When I first contacted my birthfamily she assured me that she would give me as much time and space as I needed, which I really appreciated. But that quickly changed. She became very upset because she was not invited to certain family functions - my biological family's functions- taking place when I will be visiting. So I spoke with my birthfamily and they said they'd love for her to come. Now she's upset because these functions have not been adequately scheduled for her and is making some extremely unreasonable demands. She's also saying things like, "Well maybe I just shouldn't come because I don't want to interfere," which I know is a lie because she was very upset about not being invited in the first place. She's playing her usual games of manipulation and guilt and I am SO hurt and angry. In this and other issues that have arisen since contacting my birthfamily I have bent over backwards to make my mom happy and no matter what I do it's not good enough.

On top of that my sister and my birthmother are now having a disagreement. My sister did not want to talk to me about it at first because she did not want to affect my relationship with our mother. However we have become very close and we want to share everything with each other. So she told me what's going on and I feel that she is completely right and our mother is in the wrong. So now there is a strain in their relationship which may have consequences for the events which are planned during my visit. I can't tell my mom about this, but she's demanding that I give her and my dad concrete dates and times for all these things. I can't tell her that I don't know what's going to happen because my b-mother and sister are fighting! We were all supposed to meet together after I had met my b-mother and sister first, but I can't even plan that now. I've asked my mom to be flexible and all she says is "Just forget it if it's that hard. Just do whatever you want, I don't care." Which then makes me feel awful, even though I keep telling her I have no control over this and that I'm doing the best I can.

This is making me so unhappy. I'm a strong person and I have had to deal with a lot of stressful things lately, but I've been handling it all really well. But my mom is pushing me over the edge. She is my weak point. I almost want to tell her that I don't think she should be involved in this at all because she can't seem to participate in an adult manner. But I can't. I'm going to be staying with her and my dad while I'm out there and I don't want to be battling with her. It's exhausting enough trying to have a good relationship with her, and I can't afford the emotional energy it takes when we fight.

I don't think there's any way to resolve this, because I've tried like heck! But if anybody has any advice I'd appreciate it. I'm really between a rock and a hard place!

[n121]

ssOct77~
Wow, your situation reminds me of my own! Just because there have been so many times I am dealing with all these issues, and everyone else's problems in this reunion (reunited with bmom for 1 year.) There is alwasy so much drama!
Everyone involved in your meeting is or will be dealing with a lot of unexpected emotions. I think that your amom is acting the way she is (immature, selfish) because inside she feels scared or insecure about this whole thing and is taking it out on you. I am not saying that excuses her at all. I know that you are in the middle of a difficult situation. Probably everyone is stressed and anxious about the meeting and they are taking it out on each other.

Just hang in there. There will be good days and bad days. I know you posted this awhile ago, you may already have met your bmom and sister. I wish you the best of luck and just be prepared for the unexpected!

[kapickle]

ssOct77, I'm sorry it's taken me so long to respond to your last post. I was out of town for a while.

I understand where you're coming from with your amom. Mine is very similar, self-centered. And she and I also do not get along that well, just like you and your amom. I would describe us the same way -- "as different as night and day."

I don't know if your visit already took place, but if it hasn't yet for what it's worth here are my thoughts. I think you hit the nail on the head when you said, "There are so many people involved….whose feelings I am trying to protect." You're taking responsibility for the reactions of all these other people when you really only need to be responsible for yourself and your own actions and reactions. I'm not saying that I think you should push anyone away, but I do think you need to put yourself and your own needs first.

I'm not 100% clear on the purpose of this visit. Was it originally arranged specifically so you could meet your bmom and sister? If so, then I don't really think you need to have your amom involved at all. Maybe you need to deal with these two separate families individually for a while before you try to combine them. If you haven't even met your bmom yet then I think it's too soon to involve your amom, who you aren't even close to. It might be different if your relationship with your amom was different.

I know what you mean about trying to just keep your amom happy because it's easier to deal with her that way. I go through that all the time with my amom too. I don't think though that you have a responsibility to tell your amom everything that goes on between you and your birth family. I've been thinking of my birth family as just another family I've become a part of, kind of like when I became part of my husband's family by marrying him. We visit each of our families separately, and they do know things about each other and occasionally communicate, but they certainly don't know everything about each other. I guess I'm trying to handle my new relationship with my birth family the same way, not trying to shut my amom out but also not feeling like she has to be involved in everything either. She asks me questions about my bmom, especially about how much we talk. I tell her that yes, we have talked, but I don't go into specifics about how often because I know that will bother my amom.

Like you I am planning a visit later on this year to my hometown and I will be seeing both of my moms then, but I plan to visit them separately. I think it will help though that I won't be staying with my amom. I'll be staying with a good friend instead. It certainly would be harder if I were to stay with my amom because then even if she wasn't with me she would know exactly how much time I was spending with my bmom and she'd be computing the difference between how much time I spent with her. We would probably fight then. So, maybe you should consider staying somewhere neutral, somewhere that can be a retreat for you from everyone.

It definitely is a sticky situation and I know you just don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. Also, it sounds like you want there to be absolutely no conflict, but maybe that's just not possible. Like with your bmom and sister, that's really their argument isn't it? Do you really need to be involved in it? And does it really have to affect your seeing them? Couldn't you visit each of them separately as well? My bmom and I are planning on meeting each other first before I meet my sisters, and I think it will be better that way because we need time to develop our own relationship without any interference. It is hard though, I know, because of trying to make up for so much lost time. Maybe you or your birth family feel like just jumping right into a full blown family thing, but I think that might be moving too fast. I know it would be for me.

The bottom line is, whatever you decide is the right thing for you, you'll have to just tell everyone that this is the way you would like it to be. And then, yes, there might be some fallout. But the alternative is for you to keep trying to please everyone else instead of getting what you really need. Let everyone else deal with their own emotions and just try to handle your own. I hope that you have someone in your life who is supporting you through all of this? Of course, there is always someone to help here, even if it takes a while sometimes. I hope everything works out OK and I hope you'll keep posting here and let us know how it’s going.

I know I've gone on here. These are just my own opinions based on what I've experienced so far myself, so of course you can ignore any or all of this advice and I won't be offended one bit!!!

Big Hugs!!!!!!!!!!

[kapickle]

Well, here's my update for the week ~

My bmom and I are still e-mailing everyday and we've talked on the phone several times now too. I've just had a birthday, so that was a little strange. She sent me a card and a present and called me. She was so very happy to be able to say "happy birthday" to me after all these years, and I felt good hearing it from her and also felt good about giving her back her little girl, if that makes sense to anyone.

We get along very well. Our personalities seem to be very similar, which is just amazing to me after having an amom all this time who is so different than me. I think though that I have been a little overwhelmed emotionally with all this. I'm trying to integrate this new person into my regular everyday life and I'm just not there yet. I think she agrees. Like with all the e-mailing, I don't know if we'll always be this fanatical about it. Right now we both feel like we have to see an e-mail from each other every single day or we think something is wrong. I think that will change eventually. Some days I really like it and some days it doesn't phase me at all and then other days I just want to take a break.

My amom continues to worry about me deserting her for my bmom. She even got on the phone with my husband the other day and asked him if he thought I was going to desert her. Maybe she suspects that I'll be closer to my bmom than to her. What can I say, I think that will be the case. But no, I'm not planning on deserting my amom. I think I can learn how to be a part of both of these families without sacrificing either one, although yes, maybe the dynamics of my afamily will change a bit also. But I think it will be OK in the end.

My bmom has just told my two sisters about me, just in the past two days. So far their reactions have been pretty good, from what she's told me at least. I’m waiting to hear more from her on this. I'm very nervous about how they'll feel. Will they resent having to share their mom with me? Will they want me to go away? Will they try to get my bmom to not talk to me? My bmom says I should put these thoughts out of my mind because she'll never let me go now that she has me back again, so I guess I'll hold on to that for now. But I’m still worried.

That's it for now. It is getting easier a little bit every day. But of course we haven't met face to face yet. I'm not sure when that will happen. She's thinking about coming to see me before my planned trip there. So we'll see….

[ssOct77]

Thanks kapickle! I wish I would have taken your advice about putting my own needs first, because things have gotten messy. I met my birthmother and my sister and my brother and my grandmother and my three aunts and their husbands and four of my cousins and my sister's stepfather and her stepmother and her stepsisters and various other friends and family members that I cannot even remember. I had intended to take things slow. But I got caught up in a whirlwind of other people's emotions and needs; now I am a wreck.

I originally planned this visit to see my parents and friends because I have not been back home since I moved away almost two years ago. For the almost two weeks that I have been out here I've made a huge effort to try to make everything work out well. Kapickle, you wrote "you'll have to just tell everyone that this is the way you would like it to be... there might be some fallout. But the alternative is for you to keep trying to please everyone else instead of getting what you really need. Let everyone else deal with their own emotions and just try to handle your own." Oh boy do I wish I would have done that. Whatever people's reactions would have been it could not be worse than the current situation. Things are actually fine with my birthmother, funny enough. She's been really laid back and sweet and has not made any demands on me. But I made a mistake in saying "yes" to a lot of other people. "Come to this, do this with us, be here on this day." And my mom has continued to put her own emotional needs before mine. I really love my mom. I will never have the same relationship with my birthmother that I have with my mom. Nobody can replace her and she understands me in ways that I never realized. I love her VERY much. But like I shared in my previous post, she and I have our issues. She really needed some things out of this visit and she was selfish in her desire to have them right away. Now she is disappointed because her expectations were unreasonable and unrealistic and things did not work out the way she wanted them. And although none of it is my fault and I know she is wrong, I still feel bad because she's hurt and now she resents certain members of my biological family. She wanted her opportunity to have her cathartic moment, to purge her feelings of guilt. Some of her feelings and needs are valid, but she has not expressed them in a constructive way. My mom does not know the meaning of the word patience. On the other hand, certain members of my bio-family have been very selfish and inconsiderate to my mom, to other bio-family members, and even to me. It's a long complicated situation and I'll explain in more depth in a future post. Basically, life gets messy when a bunch of people with different needs and different perspectives and different priorities all try to come together in an emotional situation.

A lot of this is my fault. I tried to do too much and to meet everyone's needs too quickly. I jumped imto situations that I should have said no to. The past couple weeks everybody has been saying to me, "Are you okay? Are you overwhelmed?" And I've just responded that I'm great, I'm fine, everything is wonderful! Yesterday I realized that I have put up a very thick wall around me and it all came crumbling down. I just wanted everybody to be happy so that I would be happy and not have to worry about people being disappointed by me or upset at one another. It seems that I have only succeeded in making myself very unhappy. I had to cancel all my plans the past couple days because I cannot stop crying. I am always so strong and I just feel horrible right now. I feel completely alone surrounded by all these people. I miss my boyfriend, I miss my house, I miss my life. I am going to take a step back from the situation so that I can feel like myself again.

Kapickle, I'm glad that things seem to be going well with your birthmom and I hope that your amom realizes that you're not going to desert her. I know it's hard for our parents but I've realized that their issues are not our responsibility. We can only reassure them and tell them that we love them. Whether they choose to accept that is their decision. It's wonderful that your sisters know about you now. I hope you can develop relationships with them if you that is what you want. Keep me posted!

[mlmaier]

I think it's great that everything is going so well so far, but your concern about a 'crash & burn' period is very valid I think. From the VERY little I've read....that could definintely happen. So just be prepared. It doesn't mean all of your hardwork so far will be gone...you'll just go thru a phase with your bmom is all.
Keep us posted!!!

Monica

[nursebeeme]

Hi SS!
I just reunited this past friday with my other mom (I hate that word bmom hahaha). I am in bliss! I wish we could just talk for days!!!! I think I am going to call her!!!!!! Anyhow, I just want to say something to you about what you just posted. And it may sound really evil and self centerd....but here goes.

I am assuming you are meeting your other mom and sister for the first time correct? Well, even if it is the second or the third time in my opinion I think you need to do this alone first without your parents. It sounds like too much is going on there with guilt feelings and I bet you won't take away from it what you would if you did it all on your own. Just finding out who I really am this last week has validated insecure feelings that I have had my whole life and made me secure in facts I could never accept....ie, why is my butt so big, my nose so big, why am I so sensitive.....things that now that I have found where they come from are JUST FINE BY ME (and I love that. Especially the butt part! I love my butt now hahahahaha) Anyhow that is just my five cents worth... But this is something you need to do on your own before you involve others. This is your time and your other mom's time. You need to take this time and run with it. I wish you all the luck in the world. I will keep you posted on how everything goes on my end!
Becky
ps, and I am in Germany.....so I have to fly back to the States for my reunion!!!!!! YIKES!