[ssOct77]

I've already posted about my situation in another forum, but circumstances have changed a little and I really need some honest advice.

I'm lucky in that I have both my original BC and court adoption papers with identifying information. I'm also lucky in that my parents have always been very supportive of me whether I decide to search for biological family members or not. I recently confirmed that I have a full sister. I know that my sister lived with her step-father and step-mother at several different addresses, but I have not been able to find any common addresses between her and our mother. I cannot find any current addresses or phone numbers for either my sister or my mother. It's like my mother has disappeared.

Here's the sticky part of my situation. I have been able to find my sister on a website. I don't know if anybody has ever heard of myspace.com, but it's a kind of online meeting place. She has a profile on the website and I have been able to see pictures of her and read a little about her life. I have pretty much made the decision to contact her, but i am extremely uncomfortable doing so by leaving her a message on this website. I feel like it's cheesy or wrong or something. I am pretty sure that she does not know about me and I don't know if it's right for her to find out that she has a secret older sister on a "dating and meeting people" website. I am concerned about offending her, but I also don't want to miss an opportunity to contact her. Through the website I know that she is going to be married within the next year. What if I can't find out her married name? I also feel conflicted about contacting her before I find my mother. But I have read so many stories about people waiting to contact their biological family members until it was too late and I don't want that to happen to me. I am 27 and she is 25. I feel like she is probably old enough to handle this situation, and young enough to accept it. From her profile on the website she seems like a happy, optimistic person, so that gives me hope. But I am very worried that contacting her through this unconventional format may be offensive or somehow a bad idea.

I have really been agonizing over this. I want to do the right thing. Any opinions or advice are appreciated!

[losnmymind]

Hi! It took me 10 years to find my birth mother and father.I found my aunt on classmates.com.Even though it was through this website,I felt i had no other choice in the matter.My seach angel knew where mom was but couldn`t get a correct address.I emailed my aunt through classmates and boom,I had her and mom on the within 2 hours.I know it seems so impersonal,but sometimes we have no ohter choice.
best wishes to you, losnmymind

[Montraviatommyg]

Whatever you decide to do think about it first and is there any one you trust enough to discuss this with? You're right to be cautious but it may be the only chance you have for a long time about contacting her so it may be worth your while leaving her a simple message.

This may be of help for you to decide - my bson was searching for me for 5 years which included putting my details on Genes Reunited. I had never searched for him as I was told I couldn't when he was adopted and wouldn't have known how to anywhere. Last year my husband and decided to trace our family trees so joined the site so you can imagine my surprise when I saw my details. I sent him a cautious email as obviously I didn't know what to expect but fortunately I found out he did want contact.

Hope that helps and good luck!
Montravia

[newlyorphaned]

Hi 77.

I just made contact with an aunt and second cousion after searching for over a year and a half. I've written and sent letters to other relatives without any response. I can tell you there is no comfortable way to contact people in this situation. I would probably go for it and just say something about having some information I want to share with you. Please contact me at....You might even mention that you think you may be related but not go into details. As hard as searching and locating birth family members is you've got to take what you can get. Best of luck. Let us know what you decide to do and how it turns out.

[ssOct77]

I just sent the email tonight. It took me almost five minutes of hyperventilating and shaking just to click the "send" button!

I'm really preparing for the worst here. I'm convinced that I'm going to start getting hate email from my biological family members!

Thanks to everyone for the advice. Now I just have to see what happens, for better or worse.

[antifloyd]

I'm glad you sent the message. Look at it this way ... it's much less invasive than showing up on her doorstep!
Let us know how things turn out!

[ChickPea]

Good luck! Congratulations on finding your biosister! Please do let us know how everything turnedout. ((hugs))

[Montraviatommyg]

ssOct77,

Hope you get the response you want , I understand how you feel as I remember what I went through contacting my bson then wating for a response.

Philippa

[ssOct77]

My sister emailed me this morning, and then called me this afternoon! We talked for THREE HOURS! She definitely wants to get to know me and is very happy that I contacted her. She said that our mother has confirmed my claims. Our mother is happy that I contacted her, but she does not know if she wants to talk to me. I am completely okay with that.

Thanks again for all the advice and support! However this turns out, I'm glad I found them.

[blankenb4]

ssOct77,

that is so totally awesome! Congrats!

Barbara

[Montraviatommyg]

ssOct77

Hugs being sent to you that is good news.

Philippa

[l-thompson]

Congratulations!!! That really is fantastic news - three hours really is a long phone conversation and the absolute best part is your sister wants contact!! Awesome news!

Our mother is happy that I contacted her, but she does not know if she wants to talk to me. I am completely okay with that.

Thats a wonderful attitude to have. We all have our own timelines on when we feel we are ready to move to that next level and by remaining completely OK with how your birthmom feels will stand you well in the future, I'm sure.
Enjoy getting to know your sister ~ sisters "rock"

[ChickPea]

Great news! Congrats.... I am very excited for you that things are going well so far.

Hopefully with some time your ** will decide she too would like to get to know you. ((hugs))

[awebaby]

It is great news that you found your birth family and you are engaging in conversation!

[newlyorphaned]

Wow! A three hour phone call. I spoke with my 2nd cousion about 45 minutes. I remember taking a big long breath after I said who I was on the phone and she said "yeah I know." My half brother called tonight and **** it I wasn't home. He left a message for me to call him in the morning. I'm so excited....finally after almost 2 years. I am so happy for you! I think your bmom will come around with some time. We knew we were searching and it comes as a shock to them, give her some time to adjust to the idea. I've been checking out the posts by bmoms on here which I would not go near before I made contact with some one and I guess to survive they must have had to close and lock that door firmly. Is'nt it great to have family!!!!