[Aimaree]

I've not posted here in a while, since my search is done. I knew where bmom, sibs, aunts are located, but was giving bmom time ... as much as she needed.

To make a long story short, I discovered that my bmom died a few weeks ago, on November 5th.

I never had a chance to meet her, and it stings that she knew where I lived since June of 2001. I spoke to her once on the phone, but she was "spooked" about her "secret".. and she carried that with her to her death.

My birthday is November 27th, so that kind of stinks..

I never contacted my sibs out of respect for bmom...and after an "appropriate" time.. I'm going to contact first my aunt....

My advice to fellow searching adoptees.. Don't worry so much about stepping on toes.. because there is no guarantee that our birthparents will be alive. My bmom was only 57... she died a month before her 58th birthday.

Amy

[Julie64]

Amy, I am very sorry about the passing of your bmom. Thank-you for sharing your experience and message here. I will be thinking of you on your birthday. Julie

[Leann11]

Thank you, Amy for sharing. Your message has helped to cement my resolve for reaching out to my bmom for the first time after Thanksgiving. I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. Maybe you will be able to have some meaningful contact with your other relatives at some point in the near future. I'll be thinking about you.

Leann

[Linnie65]

I'm so sorry as well.

I wasn't looking for my bmom, but accidentily found her while searching for a freind. I wasn't going to do anything about it, and then my husband's cousin died who was the same age as she is (60). So I have made contact. I figured I'd feel horrible if I didn't let her know I was ok and she passed away.

On the other side, at least you did have contact with her and she did know that you are ok.

[newlyorphaned]

Amy,

I know the regret that your going through. I waited until I was 46 to search and then found that my bio-mother died in 97 I can't imagine a greater tradegy. I've contacted my half brother and have waited 3 months with no news. Maybe your right about not worring about stepping on toes. He's got three grown kids but I was going to give him the chance before I went there. I pray that you will have a peaceful birthday.

[snuffie]

I am so sorry for the loss of your birth mom. I went through much the same thing. I waited many, many years only to find that she had passed away. I mourned her as though I had been with her all of my life.

I did reunite with my birth siblings and it is wonderful.

I wish you much happiness in your reunion with your birth family.
I have found that they are a wonderful source of information about my birth mom so you can come to feel that you "know' her too through them.

Hugs
Snuffie

[Aimaree]

Thanks to everyone for the kind words.

This is the oddest feeling I've ever experienced. Sadness and a sense of loss, but very vague.

Question..

How long should I wait before I write to my aunt? I want to be respectful of a mourning period, but I don't want to make the same mistake again. The aunt is probably the only human being alive that has a clue that I exist.

Happy Thanksgiving to All!

Amy

[daytonasister]

I AM NOT AN ADOPTEE BUT MY SISTER(WHO I FOUND ON HERE) WAS AND OUR MMOTHER DIED IN 96 AND MY SISTER NEVER GOT TO MEET HER AND SHE TOOK MY SISTERS DADS NAME TO HER GRAVE WHICH SUCKS FOR MY SISTER CAUSE I DONT KNOW ANY MORE THEN SHE DOES.MY SISTER FOUND OUT OUR MOMS NAME AND INFO...HER OBITUARY AND OUR NAMES (ME AND MY BROTHER) ALL IN THE SAME WEEK.WHAT A SLAP IN THE FACE HUH?....WE WILL BE MEETING SOON I HOPE . I OFFER MY SYMPATHY TO YOU.

[Julie64]

Hi Amy. I'm not someone who knows alot about these things, as I've not started my search yet, but let me tell you, your message here speaks to my heart and I don't want to wait too long. But I can tell you what I'd do, and that is I'd call your aunt, she already knows about you hun, so you don't have to worry about that, and it just could be that she'd really love to hear from you. Especially if this is your bmoms sister, you are a part of her sister and it could be a wonderful meeting between the two of you. I would think you'd be such a comfort to her in this time. I also know that we never know what to expect people to react like either, so just call her but realize if it doesn't go as planned that it ISN'T anything about you or that you have done, you must know that also, because there are so many reasons people react in a certain way with this kind of thing, but never ever internalize it. Really though, I'm thinking that this could be a really good thing for you to do to call her, it could work out that its a comfort to you both at this time. You could find out so much about your bmom, and she could see her sisters child that she's never seen before. I'll certainly be praying for you Amy. Please keep us posted on whats going on, and also just to talk about anything thats on your mind. (((HUGS))) Julie PS. I'll be out of town on Friday AM till Sunday nite, then I'll be back. Take care and have a Happy Thanksgiving! You'll be in my prayers.

[Aimaree]

I sent a letter to my aunt. I made sure that I dropped if off at the postoffice, so it wouldn't be sitting in that box all day. The send it out hourly.

She should get it on Friday.

The waiting game begins anew.

Thanks for the support.
I'll keep you posted as things progress.

Amy

[daytonasister]

GOOD FOR YOU ....HOPE IT WORKS OUT FOR YOU

[Julie64]

Hi Amy. Thank-you for letting us know, and I'm right here wishing the best for you and keeping you in my prayers.
Happy Thanksgiving Day to you, and I'll be thinking of you on your Birthday hun. (((HUGS))) Julie

[Aimaree]

Obviously, my aunt is very much like her sister, my birthmother. I have not heard a thing from her, and I sent the letter before Thanksgiving.

They live very close to me, also.

First of the year, I reach out to my siblings.

I will contact CSSB to see if I can get some more info from my adoption file.

Keep you posted.

Amy

[mdoconnell]

Amy, give your aunt some time, I just registered some hours ago. I am 35, looking for my full brother of 33. I accidently stumbled on some information that he was looking for my mother and myself. I was excited that he knew about me too. But, knowing I could contact him the next day, I did not. I was nervouse and scared. I have now made the attempt to talk with him after a couple of months. So my point is just give your aunt a little time. She will know when the time will be right. Good luck Amy with everything and I am so sorry about your bmom.

[Aimaree]

Hi Michelle.

I've been waiting since June of 2001, and after my bmom died, I feel that I need to adopt (no pun intended) a "seize the day" sort of mentality.

Good luck in your search.

Amy