[pmharr]

I'm not sure what to do. A couple of years ago, I wanted to find out about my family medical history, so I contacted the service in which I was adopted. There was VERY little info they could give me, considering it was 41 years ago. I was told by that there was no information on my bio-father because my bio-mother had a one-night-stand and didn't know the man who got her pregnant. I had them do a search for my bio-mother and they couldn't find her. I was given copies of the paperwork that was permitted for me to have. There were some things that were "whited out" that I wasn't supposed to see. One was the hospital where I was born, the other was that I had a (half-) sister given up for adoption a year before I was born. I wasn't sure where to go with this information, so I just left it alone.

Just the other day, my adopted mom found all of my adoption papers, including a copy of the paperwork from the lawyer. In it were the names of my bio-mother AND bio-father, who was her husband!! I was shocked! My mom didn't remember ever seeing the name of the father listed in the paperwork, and only remembered the same story I was told about the one-night stand.

Anyway, here I am with the names of my birth parents and I decide to do a search on WhitePages.com and found what I think may be the address and phone number of my bio-father (it showed the age also). Could it be THAT easy? What do I do-- write a letter and say "hey I think you may be my bio-father" or should I try to somehow connect this man with the name of my bio-mother to be sure?

Then, there is the question about my sister who was adopted through a private agancy. If I know the name of the hospital and day she was born, will they give me any info, or where do I go from there?

I'm scared and stressed and confused about what to do. Any suggestions would be REALLY appeciated.

pmh

[Jillalan]

Hi!

If it were me with the information you have. I would write to who you think is bio dad. Say in letter. I was born on _ in _ hospital. I believe we may be related. I would appreciate hearing from you.

IF you have a positive response from him you could get more information about bio mom. She may have moved out of area, she might have remarried....lots of 'ifs'. He would be able to tell you when their divorce was (if there was one) or maybe a date of death. In either case you would be able to find out her maiden name and possibly start a paper trail that way.

As for the sibling adopted. I doubt the agency will give you any information but you could ask to put a letter in her file - they may be willing to hold it for her or possibly send it on. Depends on the states laws. I would also post the date and place of birth and bio mothers name on as many websites as you can find. You never know, she may be looking and of course would not know of your existance.

These are just things I would do. Wish you best of luck with your search. Hope yours is a happy outcome. Sounds as though your amom is very supportive. That's always a plus.

Jill

[BrandyHagz]

Pmharr,

Its important to remember that the law states that if the woman is marred at the time of the birth, the husband is the legal father, whether he fathered the child or not. Which means his name would be on all the adoption paperwork…because by law, he would have to terminate his rights, simply because he is the legal, but not biological, father.

This is the case with me…the only difference is my birthmother refuses to admit (acknowledge) the fact that she was, in fact, married at the time of my birth.

I did track down her ex-husband, and he had no information for me…apparently, they had been split for some time.

Remember to keep your emotions in check…his name could be there for any number of reasons, including the scenario I talked about above.

I think it would be wise to write a letter. I wouldn’t out and out say, “Hey dad!” or anything like that. You might consider writing a letter that says something like, “While going thru my adoption paperwork, I found your name listed as an interested party.”

That leaves the door open for communication. He can respond to you and tell you exactly where he fits in the puzzle.

Good luck with your search…I hope it all goes wonderfully! Keep us posted!

[pmharr]

Hi Jill and BrandyHagz,

Thanks for your responses. Just to add more info here that I failed to include... I do have the maiden name of my birth mother, but haven't had any luck there. On the legal paperwork, my birth father is listed as "biological father". Back then (1961), would they only use the term legal father. (?) At any rate, I will write a letter -- tackfully of course -- and see where this takes me.

I will post everywhere I can to see if anything turns up with my sister.

For the few years after hearing from the service that they can't locate my birth mother, I never imagined I would have ever even gotten a name or any other information. I'm just so overwhelmed right now.

Also, my amom and adad have been so wonderful and helpful. They are determined to help me as much as they can. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that my 4-year-old has leukemia and there could be a time when blood relatives may be needed. I didn't want to throw this info at the birth parents, though.

I'll keep everyone posted. Thanks again!!
Patty

[mfuller1971]

I have access to a pretty powerful search DB. If you PM me your biomom's full maiden name, I'll run it for you and PM you the results.

- Matt