[travst01]

I think I lucked out and found the email address and also a PO box address for my birth mother. Today I recieved all the records concerning my birth and adoption from my adoptive mother. Everything from a copy of the original and amended birth certificates to the hospital bill covering my birth mother's stay. I searched for her name on the net and found a record of her birth in Dallas, TX on one site and a listing for the same name in Shreveport LA, right across the river from where I was born, in Bossier City. I don't know for a fact that the woman in Shreveoprt is actually my birth mother, but it seems very likely. Do y'all think I should contact this woman in Shreveport and if so, what is the best method of contact? Email is certainly quicker and more efficent, also unobtrusive and private. A handwritten letter, however, is more personal, though if she never told her family about me and someone else sees the letter, it could make for a rather uncomfortable situation for her, to say the least. If anyone out there has faced a similar situation and has any advice, I'd appreciate the input. Thanks in advance.

[aishlin]

travst01

Hi, I don't know your story -- have you tried the major free registries and search sites already to see if she has posted as that would have a bearing on your approach -- makes first contact simpler.

Can you get a hold of a telephone book for her city to see if she is listed -- in which case you can call and give her a little of your info like your birthday and place and tell her you are trying to locate "her name" as you believe you may be related. You can offer to call her back if this is not a good time to talk. This is really the only way to ensure privacy for her.

Letters can be innocently opened by others in the family and so can email so I would put them as a last resort. If you could send a registered letter that could only be delivered to her that would be one thing but a po box doesn't allow for that.

If there is no other avenue tho, I would go with a handwritten letter and envelope and mark the envelope personal and confidential. JMHO and the very best of luck to you.

[crawfolf]

Seeing as though we are both from Shreveport, La. and I do know that the people there are very sensitive people, I believe that know matter how you contact her, she will be more than glad to be able to see her child. I also had to give up a daughter and I would be more than willing to welcome her with open arms. I f your mother is anything like me , she will be more than willing to do the same for you. I love my daughter with all my heart and soul and I am pretty sure your mother will love you just the same. Just give her the chance to be with you and get to know each other before you decide to give up on her. I wish that my daughter were as close to me as you are to your mother so get in touch with her in any manner you see fit and let her know you are looking for her and want get to know her. I wish you all the luck in all the world with getting to know her. May god be on your side. Laura

[dkb60]

Everyone has access to our e-mail program in our home. So had my daughter sent an e-mail as first contact any of my kids could have opened and read it. It would have made for a very uncomfortable situation. I am a supporter of third party contact as it gives the "found" party a chance to catch their breath. It is a very emotional time even if your birthmom has been searching for you. She may have to explain some things to family members before she is ready for contact. You can't make assumptions in reunions.

I would write a letter. You could give her your phone number and e-mail in the letter as ways for her to contact you. Then when she is ready she could use them.

Just my thoughts
Good Luck
D.

[StevieGirl]

I agree that letters AND e-mail could be opened by anyone. So if you do either, you could be very vague. Don't say "Hey, I think you're my mom". You could ask if the month and year of your birth mean anything to her, and say that if she wants to contact you, here is your information.

Best of luck!

[patrisha]

Hi,

You could send an email or letter and use the approach that my birth son's contact agent used with me. It read that he was doing some family genealogy research and if a "special" event that took place on his birth date, at his birth city had significant meaning to me would I please contact them at ____.

Even if it is read by other members of the family the event could be anything from a wedding to a wild party (LOL).

I know I knew immediately what my letter was referring to and I couldn't wait to respond.

Good Luck

Trish

[blankenb4]

I think that a letter would be most appropriate and the safest. Most people don't open other people's mail. However, in my situation as a birth mother, I would welcome and sort of contact with open arms. I have just recently told my other children about my birth daughter, but even before that would have welcomed any contact.

Good Luck

Barbara

[33&found]

with all of the computer virus' out there how many people not searching open e=mail from unkown sources? how many email accounts have filters that would eliminate the e=mail? My birth mom contacted me LAST THURSDAY for the 1st time in 22 years i thought she was dead.
she called me on the phone and boy was it a shocker! but if she had sent me an e=mail I would have never read it.
just some food for thought. good luck

[michellemartin]

My mom was married to a very controlling man for most of my life. He opened all her mail and was pretty confrontational about it. Now my mom isnt a bmom, but I have read that many of us get into situations like that after we place. My step father read everything before she could. I know had he found something like that he'd have been very accusatory towards her. (no he never hit her it was verbal/emotional abuse- although I think she was afraid he would hit her at times, but never did)
I'm wondering with the information you have now is there any way you could get a letter like that to her at work? If she's a stay at home mom then I wouldnt worry, because most likely then she'd be the one to get the mail. Email at my house is confidential-sort of. We know each others passwords to get on, but I dont really think either of us check up on the other.