[annelizly]

OMG!! I saw the dr. phil show today! did anyone else? where there was a family whose 15 year old daughter was pregnant and the mother wanted her to put it up for adoption, the father wanted to keep it, the sister was worried about the attention the baby would get and the poor pregnant girl was being brow beaten for bad behavior that she hadn't even exhibited yet!(such as "we know she won't get up in the middle of the night!") etc.
and i kept thinking, when did we as a society let adoption become an option instead of a last resort for someone who absolutely couldn't take care of a baby!!
this 15 year old girl kept telling her mother that she didn't think she could give her child away and the mother was like "why?"
almost assuredly this girl will fall a little short in the mature mother contest, but she understands that this is her CHILD!!!
why isn't someone telling the sister that her opinion doesn't count because she's not the one who will wake up years from now wondering where her baby is! someone tell the dad that its great that he wants to help his daughter to keep his grandson and someone tell the mom to be just a hair supportive!! It may cost a bit of money(which they looked to have) and change their lives , but why does everyone automatically assume for the worse??!! Dr. Phil was terrible!! absolutely bypassing the fact that adopted children don't always get great aparents, that they are emotionally screwed up for life, that their daughter will be emotionally screwed up for life! is it really that much to ask that the fifteen year olds parents help her with their grandchild financially and in every other way for a few years so she can finish school and possibly college and be able to keep her child with her for the rest of her life? I can say with absolute surety that if it were my daughter in no way would i let her give my grandchild away, i don't care how old she was, if necessary i'd raise the child myself. these people talked about the baby as if it were a disruption to their well planned out lives, a nuisence to be dealt with..........people.......its a PERSON!!! DR. Phil shame on you!!!! I wonder how you would have felt had your wife said she wanted to give away your child after it was born. catch a clue doctor. i hope this girl is helped by someone to let her keep her baby!

[denise65fl]

I saw Dr. Phil today, too. I have to agree with you about Dr. Phil's part though. This family is definitely in crisis. I think Dr. Phil was just trying to get them to listen to themselves. Especially the father. He stressed that it was not fair to give this baby the job of saving the family. The father was setting up a situation that wasn't going to work. Dr. Phil was pointing out that their was alot of issues that the family needed to deal with. I did not think he was trying to direct them in a decision. He even said if they were talking about placing the baby for adoption he would have asked different questions. Like how are you going to pick adoptive parents?

As an adoptee you must realize that just like with biological parents, some adoptive parents are good and some are not. It's not fair, it's just the way it is. You do not get screwed up because you place your baby for adoption. For some people that is the right choice for some people and they make that decision based on love for their child. However, without support alot of decisions can cause pain. Especially feeling the loss of a child. Only a decision based on love, with support can have a positive outcome.

I hope you do not take offense. This is only my decision. We should all pray for that family, there seemed to be a lot of pain there.

Denise

[dl]

absolutely bypassing the fact that adopted children don't always get great aparents, that they are emotionally screwed up for life,

As denise65fl posted, "As an adoptee you must realize that just like with biological parents, some adoptive parents are good and some are not" which is true. But, as an adoptee I find your statement that "adopted children are emotionally screwed up for life" extremely offensive and untrue.

The show you saw today is a repeat of a series of shows called "Family in Crisis" that began last Sept. Alexandra did "keep her baby". Within two weeks of giving birth she was arguing with her parents about her right to date and have fun like all teenagers do. Towards the end of the series she was arguing with her parents over her provacative behavior with boys and it was being debated whether or not she should be allowed to go on the pill. Dr. Phil felt it would be a prudent choice as otherwise she would most likely end up pregnant again.

the poor pregnant girl was being brow beaten for bad behavior that she hadn't even exhibited yet!(such as "we know she won't get up in the middle of the night!") etc. . . . when did we as a society let adoption become an option instead of a last resort for someone who absolutely couldn't take care of a baby!!. . . why isn't someone telling the sister that her opinion doesn't count because she's not the one who will wake up years from now wondering where her baby is!

When I watched the show I did not perceive Alexandra as "the poor pregnant girl". She was very self absorbed and rude. She displayed very little feelings about what would be best for the baby but only focused on what she thought she wanted. Dr. Phil arranged for her to have one of those educational "babies" to see what caring for a child is like and Alexandra TURNED IT OFF when it was inconvenient. Dr. Phil arranged for her to talk to a teenage Mom and the only questions Alexandra asked was in regards to how hard was it for her to get a babysitter to go out with her friends!

I don't believe that "society let adoption become an option instead of a last resort for someone who absolutely couldn't take care of a baby!!." IMO, it is the option when it is in the best interest of the child. This family is already having major problems and is very dysfunctional. Both parents admitted that they had not been good parents to their daughters. The Father's motivation for not wanting to relinquish the child were out of his own selfish motivations for having wanted a son, not out of a desire to "help his daughter". . IMO, the sister's opinion DOES COUNT. She is part of the existing family that is already in crisis. This affects her too.

I can say with absolute surety that if it were my daughter in no way would i let her give my grandchild away, i don't care how old she was, if necessary i'd raise the child myself.

That would certainly be your choice. Just as it is the choice of other's to not parent their grandchildren. Everyone's life situation is different. While it is commendable if grandparents want to parent, IMO they are not obligated and should not be critisized it that is not a choice they are prepared to make.

There was a thread that discussed this show last fall that you might find of interest "Dr. Phil show today about adoption" http://forums.adoption.com/t116071,15,1.html

[Julie64]

I totally agree with you. I saw the show the other day, didn't see it the first time around. I was so glad that Dr Phil put the father of Alexandra on the spot about his motives for wanting to keep this baby. He was totally wanting this child to fill a void in his life and he had the expectation that the child WILL FIX their family. Dr Phil said to him, " Its hard enough to be born into this world, much less to come into it with a job to do." He is so right. ~and yes, ya can't just turn off a crying baby. ~Julie