[bridges]

Dave, I might have if I'd thought about it.

My son seems to get more joy when talking with my husband about a car "problem" than almost any other thing they might talk about. Talk, did I say, "talk"? It's never just talking; it's getting under the hood. I see it as bonding on a level than they have heretofore not experienced.

You're flat tire would fit right in with my 17-year-old's definition of "do something together."

I'm still waiting to give you time to "process." I hope your wife will also allow you to share some of her thoughts.

What's next? Do you think you might ever share the forum with him?

What an exciting reunion!

Carolyn Kay

[semidone2]

As my 5yr old puts it, "Boys are silly". . . I am not always so sure that she isn't wrong. She is very insightful, this is the girl that proudly let me in on the secret that "there is no such thing as clowns, only people dressed like clowns!"

Bmom warned me ahead of time that she would probably be emotional and jealous at the our relationship because the boys would have so much in common. I didn't believe her then, but agreed to support her. I don't think it is so much that men have a lot in common as it is that men don't need a lot of things in common to "bond". I don't like, not really interested in, or know alot about cars; however, that doesn't stop me from crawling under the hood with another dude and lookin' around. Silly? Yes!

My son and I bonded over Sam's Club sample fried cheese. No long discussion about it was necessary -- it just was cheese and that was enough.

I marvel at my wife's need/desire to talk to her sisters on an almost daily basis, while I can talk to my best male friends once every six months and still maintain a similar level of intimate conversation. My friend and I will giggle like school girls when Mike Ditka hocks "penis pills" on TV -- and that is enough.

I tried to get her to make more of an effort to "invade" the comfort zone that men (especially young men) have about talking and feelings. . . . but I don't think she was ready to cause the kind of disruption in his life that talking through *her* feelings would cause.

It was a nice time, but a SAFE time. I think there was some avoidence on the part of people to not talk about uncomfortable things. No one wanted to bring down the good times, or ruin the reunion. While I didn't talk about everything and all of my feelings, I didn't feel like I wanted to. . .I just wanted to bask in my son's glory!! He is an exceptional young man and I was just to proud of him and to be with him to even consider *my* feelings or needs.

After 17 years of waiting to meet him, I can wait until later in our relationship to get answers to *my* questions. I wanted this time to be about HIM!

But that's just my opinion. And Hey, I could be wrong!

Dave

[m26d15]

Hi Dave,

well it does sound as if you're off to a great start...

and that's the thing...you have to do what works for you. there certainly isn't a formula for successful reunion. just do what works for you and your family.

congrats again, and you can tell your five year old i think she's right too...boys are silly...egad, to think i may have had it figured out at five!!

take care and all the best, m26

[bridges]

Dave,

Tell your daughter I appreciate her wisdom. I've quoted her a number of times already, mostly when talking to my 17 year old and occasionally directing it at my husband.

Don't forget to update us.

[I'm going to take a quick course in private messaging now].

Carolyn Kay