[Alana71]

Hi everyone, I know some of you already know my story so I'll try to keep it brief.
I am currently in reunion with my 1/2 sister, I'm a bsib. My mom, who is deceased, was the bmom and basically never told any of her family members of her pregnancy,or that she had given up a baby for adoption. Only a handful of people (friends) actually knew . Her parents had passed away and she had no siblings so there were a few aunts, uncles cousins etc.. Several years after the relinquishment, she met my dad, married then had me. I only learned of my sister just prior to my mom's passing and eight years later we are together!!
I finally,this week, told my mom's family about her and showed pictures etc.. They were mostly shocked but happy. I've been flooded with phone calls from cousins who have many questions and want to see pictures and hear the story of our reunion, which by the way, I never get tired of telling!
Yesterday, I met with another cousin and her fiance' happened to be present so there was alot of explaining and filling in the blanks to be done. He asked me something that really bothered me and I didn't know what to say. And I quote "Why are you so emotional about this? This person is a stranger who you never knew your whole life so how could you have feelings for her?"
I was stunned by this question and it makes me so mad that anyone would say that. To me, this whole experience has been so powerful and amazing. This person is my sister and there is definetly a strong connection that we both feel.
I was just wondering if anyone else ever experienced some negative remarks from insensitive people or maybe I'm just being too sensitive.

[Missy M]

Alana...my daughter and I were reunited 2 years ago and prior to that her birth was kept secret from all but my parents; even my siblings were told she'd been stillborn. Our reunion became rocky as some do at times and several of my relatives have asked "Why are you so hurt by the actions of a stranger?" How can you possibly say you love someone you just met? Many times they will remark how different she is from the three kids I raised as if her different upbringing shouldn't matter. No one accepts or understands that my love for her is just as strong as it is for my other kids.
One thing my Grandmother always said was "You may have to spend the rest of your life fighting but YOU get to choose your battle." I will spend one moment explaining why I love her, sometimes two to a person but after that explanations cease. My feelings, motives and actions regarding my daughter are not a matter of public scrunity! You can either like it or lump it but I do not seek approval from anyone.
Reunion as we know it is relatively new and there are bound to be questions; but no one except God has the right to judge me and it is to Him and Him alone I will answer matters of the heart for...Best Wishes and in the words of my hip-hop grandson...Shake them haters off! MissyM

[Alana71]

Missy M , you sound like a strong person. I absolutely understand how you could love your daughter as much as your other kids. I know my mom loved my sister for all those years and would have felt a very strong connection as I did when I first met her in person. And I'm just a sister! They look exactly alike and their personalities and manerisms are so similar!
I shouldn't worry about what others think. Adoption reunions are so new that it's hard to know what's normal . I'm really glad to have found this web site since I didn't know of anyone who had gone thru this whole process before.

I was just wondering, how do your other children relate to your daughter? Are they much younger? Have they connected with her as well?
Thanks so much for your input
Alana

[MuyLaBonita]

Alana71,

I absolutely can relate to that comment. I am in reunion with my 1/2 sister too. I can't believe how people say stuff without thinking before they say it. Obviously this fiance doesn't have any heart towards the emotions that have been running through your mind threw the last 8 years. No matter how much you explain to a person that will never go through the same as you they are never going to understand how deeply reunion affects people.

My sister lives in WA, and me in CO and I constantly get complaints from her boyfriend that we talk to much, I am taking her away from him, 2 weeks is too long of a reunion time, and that he doesn't like me. My sister is 16, and I am 14. Her boyfriend is 20 so I dislike him for various reasons but I don't tell my sister that. I will joke about it but I know that no matter what I do he will never understand that he isn't the only one that she has anymore. I think he is controlling over her, but he is the only one that makes her happy (she's in foster care) but I am hoping that when she comes out this summer she will see that there is more to life than Brandon.

Reunion is the most emotional thing I have gone through, on top of being a teen and starting HS. Some people will never understand but all you can do is not care what they think and no that you are stronger than them because you are making this reunion happen Alana. You. Your siblings love you, not all their wifes or husbands will understand and you have to be okay with that. All you can do is smile and ask them if the've ever been separated from something so long that even at birth they love, and always will love them. Family is rock solid. God Bless you in your reunion!!

[thewatsonelf]

Alana,

I am an adult adoptee, as in my husband. We adopted a baby girl who will be a year old in June.

I have reunited with my birthfamily, which has been bittersweet. I have a very good relationship with my bio half sister. I loved her instantly from the moment I met her. She is 14 years older than I am, and always THOUGHT our mom was pregnant, yet never knew anything about the baby, who turned out to be me.

Finally, when my sister, Sandi, was 22, she flat out asked our mother, "I have a brother or sister somewhere, don't I?" Our mother said, "Yes, you have a sister." From that moment on, Sandi had her eyes peeled. She at one point clipped an article out of the paper of a girl who won a horse riding championship whom she thought was me. It wasnt', but I had ridden in the same competition. She saved that article for years.

I have a dear friend named Ellen who went to school to be a massage therapist. She kept bugging me to go be a practice client, but I was busy marrying my first husband and just didn't have the time. Sandi was her instructor. I should mention here that my sister thinks we have a psychic link, I call her Metaphysical Sandi.

I look freakishly like my birth mother. My half brother was really bothered by it, I looked just like his mom at my age, move like her, walk like her, wave my hands about like her. He knew NOTHING about me until then and I think it freaked him out when he was confronted by this woman who was indisputibly his sister that he had no idea about. It turned out good, though. I love my brother.

I loved my aparents dearly. This is no reflection on them whatsoever. But I am blood to someone, and that means just as much.

There is no etiquette or protocol for this. You just have to make your own way and your own rules. And this is a wonderful outlet for all those roller coaster emotions you have. We all have a story to tell or support to give.

Best wishes to you, Alana! God Bless.

[Alana71]

Thanks all for your great support and sharing experiences. It really does let you know that you're not alone in this whole thing!

MLB I can also understand re: your sister's boyfriend. I heard it was a common thing for some "significant others" to feel left out during this whole process. I also noticed the same thing with my sister's husband, although he's been supportive to her. We were together for three days and only had about a 1/2 hour alone. This was when we really bonded the most. We also talk/ e-mail several times a week.
I can't believe you are 14. You seem to have amazing insight. I couldn't imagine going through this as a teen with all the other things to contend with at this time of your life. I was actually going to respond to your previous thread but I'll ask now. How did you get involved in your search/reunion at this time? Did your bmom/sister find you or vice versa? How do you aparents feel about everything?

Lisa, thanks for sharing your story. That is so amazing how you and your sister almost crossed paths many times! Congrats on your baby girl. They are so precious... I have one too but she is 4 now!

Alana

[MuyLaBonita]

Ever since I rummaged through my "Adoption Box" when I was 10 I new that I was adopted and that I wanted to find my mom when I was older and more mature. My "Adoption Box" contains certificates, letters, pictures, and descriptions of my Bmom and Bfather. The descriptions of my Bdad are very wrong. He is very white, tall, and has curly hair. I am indian and I don't look anything like him but I do look like my Bmom.

I looked for my Bmom with my Amom and we found a number and called it. It turned out to be my grandma who lives 2 hours from me. My Bmom lives in WA with my big sis. I have reunited with my grandma because she is the closest and has all the roots to the rest of my family. I found my Bmom. I talked to my Bmom for 6 months and then lost contact and sent her a random letter asking to contact my sister for me and give her my address.

A month and a half later I got a letter from my sister! YES!!!!!! I was so happy! I called her and we planned a reunion this summer. She's coming for 2 weeks as I said before. She is frustrated with our mom because she lives in shack, and she can't afford to use the phone so both of us have lost contact with her. I am going to try and go out to WA to meet her but it is going to take a while to raise the money to do that. (I am raising money for my sister to come out now)

I am talk to my sister everyday on the phone and we are moving forward in our reunion! My Aparents are fabulous about it! I have their support through all of it!! They just want to keep me and my sister safe and that is their only concern right now! I am so proud of them for letting me do this! I am so thankful! Well, like any HS student I have to go to school (I missed this morning to finish a project) Thank you for your thoughts Alana!! Don't hesitate to ask me more questions because I am full of answers!!

[Alana71]

That sounds great. You must be so excited about meeting your sister in person and possibly your bmom at some point. Your parents sound very supportive. My sister's aparents are also like that. They encouraged her to start searching as soon as she was interested which was at age 17. It took her 17 more years to finally get anywhere since it was a closed adoption and she had alot of false non id info from the agency.
Keep working hard in school! This whole thing can be a major distraction but I'm happy to see you're getting your projects done.


Please keep me posted....

Alana

[MuyLaBonita]

School is a big part of my life, true but you should have seen me when I first started talking to my sister. It was consuming me! Wow, 17 years of searching!! I have a new roll model! How strong she must be!!

Well, you keep me posted too!