[sunshine2410]

I just wanted to share with all of you, that I have found my son. With the help of a wonderful search angel and some terrific friends in my birthparents group, I located my son. His name is Dustin. He lives in the same state as I do. About 2 hrs. away. I sent out one letter, but I received a phone call from a lady who stated that there was no one by that name in her family or from her area. I was so dissappointed. Then my friends did another search and came up with same aname but, different aparents and address. So, I wrote another letter. Within three days, he called me. What a wonderful feeling. He said that he has had a good life and that he is healthy. We talked for over 3 1/2 hours. He sounds like a wonderful young man. I told him if this was the only contacted from me, then I would be happy just knowing that he is okay. He replied, no, I want to get to know you and meet you one day. This all happened March 22, 2004. We have talked on the phone several times now. He is going to mail me some pictures of himself. He is in awe of how much we are alike. He is excited to know that he has a brother and half sister. He wants to get to know them too. We both have had several hundred questions. He is a very kind and compassionate person. I cried so much the first time he called. He would reply, it's okay I can understand what you have been through for the last 21 years. He says he can't wait to meet everyone. His amom knew who the letter was from as soon as he started reading it. His amom said, but this was a closed adoption. But, it's up to you. His adad sat him down and said, son you need to call her and at least let her know that you are okay. Then if you feel comfortable with talking with her, then do what's in your heart. God Bless this wonderful couple. One of the first things I told Dustin to do, was to give his mom and dad a big hug and kiss and to thank them for me. My heart is now starting to heal, and so is Dustin's. I try and put everything in the lords hands and that he does what is right for Dustin. I have prayed for this day for many years. Everyone please keep the faith. My faith is what has kept me going for all these years. And also, all the wonderful friends I have made in my birthparents group. I don't know where I would be without them. I know in the years to come, Dustin and I will get through all the joys and pains that we may have had. Also, remember to hold the hands of others, as they go through their search for their child/children. Please don't be afraid to share your story with others. We are not here to judge, we are here to share everyones, joy and pain. And to try and help others, in any way that we can. God Bless each and everyone of you in your search and reunions. Hugs, Susan
Susan: birthmom of Dustin 5/16/82
Reunited: March 22, 2004

[thesearchguru]

Here is an article that you might find helpful during the reunion process:

RELATIONSHIP STAGES AFTER REUNION
By: Carol P. Turesk

Not every individual goes through every stage; they may not be sequential, they may be repeated. The stages are common to the post-reunion period and are normal consequences of reunion.

HONEYMOON STAGE:

Characterized by euphoria, joy and sense of being on top of the world

Effort made by parties to find similarity and common interests

Much time spent together in an effort to catch up on each other’s life with exchanges of photos, letter and gifts.

Preoccupation with other party

Minor negotiations about relationship, ie. What to call birth parent

Some uncertainty about place or role in other’s life, frequency of contact, how to introduce each other to friends and family members

TIME OUT STAGE:

One party may pull back to evaluate and process events. The honeymoon is over. Other party may feel confused when this happens. Birth parents may feel hurt, angry, frustrated and frightened if adoptee pulls back and adoptee may feel rejected by birth parent if he/she pulls back

Problems in relationship may develop here due to lack of understanding of the process; society has few role models for this experience

Parties may seek professional help to resolve situation

SHOWDOWN STAGE:

Confrontation of parties to address status of relationship and its future development

If birth parent initiates confrontation, she/he may fear loss of child again – different confronting adopted adult because biological tie is not enough to assure success. In parenting, the element of permanency exists and the bond is not so fragile

If adopted adult confronts birth parents, she/he may fear being rejected by birth parents

DISENGAGEMENT STAGE:

Characterized by adopted adult or birth parents really moving away from the other, not just pulling back

Can be extremely painful for either party with feelings of anger, loss and rejection

Can occur if expectations are too rigid and differences between parties are too great

SOLIDIFYING STAGE:

Characterized by earnest negotiations between parties; roles, differences, issues continue to be worked on, but the relationship is more solid and settled with few ups and downs because agreement has been reached in many areas

Re-negotiations occur as life changes and growth takes place and new relationship roles emerge




Email:
California Website:


Other great websites to check out:
http://www.adoptionchat.com
http://www.adoptionlists.com
http://www.adoption.com
http://www.adopting.org
http://registry.adoption.com/

[Julie64]

Hi, and congratulations to you! What a sweet story, thank-you for sharing it with us. This is one of those stories that makes me feel so good to read, your a terrific lady, he is so glad to hear from you and wants to get to know you and he sounds like such a sweetheart too, and he has caring and understanding aparents. This sounds like its going to be an all around wonderful journey!! You've made my day, and its only 10:15am!! Keep us posted, okay. Julie