[njschwartz]

This is a very quick post to thank ALL OF YOU who were so kind and generous with your endless encouragement.
I would not have made it "safely and sanely" had it not been for the adpotees, birthmoms, and THE MOST TALENTED AND AWESOME SEARCHER IN THE UNIVERSE (you know who you are!!!), who walked down this dark and scary road with me. The next leg of this journey, that of reunion, is just beginning...and is everything I had been warned it could be. I have decided to allow my head to rule my heart during this stage. I want to take small steps, so to not burn out the beautiful light that is shining right now. Of course, my heart says, "Everything Now!" I really can understand, after having two 3-hour conversations with my half-sister, and then emailing and im'ing her until nearly midnight last night. The pictures were flying back and forth. Let me tell you, THAT in itself was a HUGE relief to see a pic of B-mom. WOW! Finally, a face that looked like mine!

Anyhoo...as you could imagine, I'm on Cloud 9 just about now...
I'll post again later on Search & Reunion.

Bless you all...and most of all, keep the faith baby!

Big Hugs to ALL!!! ((((((((((((ALL))))))))))))))
NJ

[struck-dixon]

Best wishes NJ
I am in a similar situation. 3 years ago I started searching for 1/2 brother with my mom and we got close to his information and she froze up and wanted to stop. My mother was tragically killed two years ago and she said that I would find him someday. I started the search again. I called the agency the adoption was through and they had all his info but said he never inquired. They are going to contact him she said it may take months for the reunion. How was it ? What were your feeling before it all happened. I think maybe hes better off not knowing. My mother was a beautiful person inside and out. It hurts now that shes gone and I knew her my whole life how will he feel???? Will he hate me and my siblings because she kept us? Or do I wonder the rest of my life. 1/2 brother I'm searching for was born in NJ 1/27/70 and weight 9lbs. I have 2 boys 1-january 16,1996 and 1-january 18, 2000 both over 9lbs my second son due date was on the 27th but he came early. Its scary!! Please give me feed back.
Hang in there!

[njschwartz]

How did I feel? UNBELIEVABLE! I always felt disconnected and fragmented. Where did I come from? What was my heritage? Who did I look like? Did I have any siblings? I had NO idea that my birthmother had 5 children. AND learned that she put up 2 for adoption, me being one of them. All children had different fathers. So I have a string of half-sisters. Now, to really answer your question that I think you're asking...I think your half-brother, if he knows that he was adopted, has always wanted to know his blood. We adoptees all have this hole in our hearts, an emptiness...a sense of not belonging. We do strange things during our life to either act out our pain. We ALWAYS, in one way, shape, or form ache for the truth and any chance to connect to our blood. It never stops until we see it through to the bitter/sweet end. Don't think that your half-brother would hate you just because he was adopted out. He probably wishes he could find YOU! It sounds like YOU are frightened. And that's okay to be scared. After all, you don't know what's on the other side...and neither does your half-brother. But I'll bet you all the peanuts at the baseball park that he wants to know and meet any blood relative.

[eek40]

I am so very happy for you! It brings back all my emotions at once!
Aimee

[laura310]

NJ, I am so happy for you!!!!!!
Laura

[struck-dixon]

NJ
I spoke to the social worker today and she told me the reunion is closer then she thought. She found him and hes still in New Jersey and hes married. I have no other option but to just wait it out. Maybe everything will just come together itself.

[njschwartz]

WOW! I know how you are feeling right now. I know you want to move forward FULL THROTTLE, but are terrified at the same time.
Hang in there! I wish you all the luck in the world! Let me know if I can help you any further, intellectually or emotionally! Keep our adoptee community posted!

NJ

[Julie64]

NJ,
Oh how exciting!! I am an adoptee too and just began my search for my Bmom. I am so happy for you, I can just imagine how you feel right now. What you said about seeing her picture, finally seeing a face that looked like you, I am just so happy for you!! No longer do you have to look in the crowd and wonder, could that have been her? I will be looking for your future postings NJ! Thanks for sharing your story, Julie

[summer324]

That is so great!! I am very happy for you. I'm sure your emotions are running high, to say the least....I'm sure your head was spinning!! I hope it turns out as wonderful as it sounds.. One day soon I might have the same opportunity with my bmom...that is if she wants contact...still waiting on a reply from her...I'm sure you can relate. How did you feel when you saw her pic????? That would be awesome!!! To actually finally see who you look like!! Keep us all posted!!!

lisa

[kersey19]

Congratulations!!!! The wait is paying off. Just keep reminding yourself that this is the start of a journey .... one step at a time. I'll never forget my daughter's first words when she walked into the room -- "Wow!" You see pictures but it's nothing like the real thing -- especially that first hug! Good luck and keep us posted!