[cfisher23]

I got the call I've been waiting for yesterday. the adoption agency that I was adopted through, and that was helping me find my mother called. They called and said they had found my mother and she did want to meet etc.

I was given her name, phone number and time to call. I called her last night and we spoke for about an hour. I almost feel like I wasted her time a little because I didn't know what to say. It was so good to just hear her voice though, it was like a big warm cover that I just wanted to wrap myself in. We ended up skimming the surface on a lot of different things, we exchanged e-mail addresses, and decided the meet in person this coming Sunday. I also found out that I have 2 brothers and a sister !

I sent her some pics of myself via e-mail so she could see me - and now I can't wait for Sunday! This all started because of a post I found on here from her looking for me. I had all but given up and then I saw her post and it got me going again and now I've found her. It turns out she has always hoped I would look for her, all her loved ones know about me, and she has even celebrated my birthday every year. Words can't describe how happy I am right now ....

[Tenorchick]

Charlie--there are truly no words to describe your joy at the moment, and even as a writer, I am at a loss to say anything but a big CONGRATULATIONS to you in your recent reunion. I have been reunited with my birthfamily for less than 1 1/2 years now and it has been the greatest joy in my life as my birth and adopted families have come together as one. I wish you best of luck in your journey and I hope you find all the happiness and joy in your reunion that I have.

Lori

[snuffie]

I am so happy for you!!!

Lori is so right. There are no words to describe what you are feeling! I have been reunited for almost 3 years now and I still haven't been able to put my pictures away!! I look at them almost every day and have to remind myself that I am not dreaming.

It sounds like your bmom really wants to know you to. That is so cool that she was actually looking for you too.

I wish you much joy in your reunion. There is nothing like it in the world!

[GE_Glows]

cfisher23 - I'm SOOOOO happy for you! Having just reunited with my bfather I can also identify with the overwhelming joy you feel at finding a welcome at the end of your search. Don't worry about feeling likey ou wasted her time on the phone. Most likely she was just as glad to hear your voice as you were to hear hers. The conversatiosn will flow with time. My 1st conversation with my bfather was a short 30 minute or so conversation in which he did most of the talking. Last night we had a three hour conversation in which we both spoke a great deal, and straight from out hearts and minds. I, for one, and never speechless but I was during that first conversation. Last night I was most assuredly not

Again, Congratualtions and welcome to the roller coaster ride of your life!

Toby

[thesearchguru]

I found this article byCarol P. Turesk on reunion stages:

Not every individual goes through every stage; they may not be sequential, they may be repeated. The stages are common to the post-reunion period and are normal consequences of reunion.

HONEYMOON STAGE:

Characterized by euphoria, joy and sense of being on top of the world

Effort made by parties to find similarity and common interests

Much time spent together in an effort to catch up on each other’s life with exchanges of photos, letter and gifts.

Preoccupation with other party

Minor negotiations about relationship, ie. What to call birth parent

Some uncertainty about place or role in other’s life, frequency of contact, how to introduce each other to friends and family members

TIME OUT STAGE:

One party may pull back to evaluate and process events. The honeymoon is over. Other party may feel confused when this happens. Birth parents may feel hurt, angry, frustrated and frightened if adoptee pulls back and adoptee may feel rejected by birth parent if he/she pulls back

Problems in relationship may develop here due to lack of understanding of the process; society has few role models for this experience

Parties may seek professional help to resolve situation

SHOWDOWN STAGE:

Confrontation of parties to address status of relationship and its future development

If birth parent initiates confrontation, she/he may fear loss of child again – different confronting adopted adult because biological tie is not enough to assure success. In parenting, the element of permanency exists and the bond is not so fragile

If adopted adult confronts birth parents, she/he may fear being rejected by birth parents

DISENGAGEMENT STAGE:

Characterized by adopted adult or birth parents really moving away from the other, not just pulling back

Can be extremely painful for either party with feelings of anger, loss and rejection

Can occur if expectations are too rigid and differences between parties are too great

SOLIDIFYING STAGE:

Characterized by earnest negotiations between parties; roles, differences, issues continue to be worked on, but the relationship is more solid and settled with few ups and downs because agreement has been reached in many areas

Re-negotiations occur as life changes and growth takes place and new relationship roles emerge




Email:
California Website:


Other great websites to check out:
http://www.adoptionchat.com
http://www.adoptionlists.com
http://www.adoption.com
http://www.adopting.org
http://registry.adoption.com/

[Kindreds]

Charlie, I remember you post from awhile back where you thought you had found her on this site but the email address was outdated. Don't worry that you have not too much to say, just skimming the surface. This is actually best. If you both jump in too fast, this can actually have a negative effect as you can not sustain the emotion and things seem to fall flat. Best to have patience and take things slowly and let thing develop over time. I would say early on set some parameters - such as decide together on frequency of contact. For example start things off by saying - you know, I would like to speak to you at least weekly, even if we don't have much to say. I am interested in know how you are doing and my sibs are doing etc. You decide the time frame and offer suggestion etc. and ask for feedback. Also, you can decide best day/time etc. You and your mother will be feeling a lot of emotions, maybe not the same type at the same time and neither one may be open to sharing right away. It is like walking on eggshells, but that is OK so don't worry. You are my raised son's age so I have a guess what is going on othewise in your life -so many changes for you as you emerge into the world. The say the 18 year old of 25/30 years ago is now the 25/26 year old of today, with so many links to their family they are trying to break fee and become independent. So you do have a lot going on and maybe one way to start a relationship with you new found family is to talk about your hopes and dreams as you start to feel comfortable.

[cfisher23]

Thanks for all the kind words everyone, this is probably the most exciting time in life, ranks right up there with my marriage.

Kindreds - We have already worked on many of the things you have listed. We are both very open and honest, and kind of blunt perhaps those are inherited traits? I think things will go smoothly if we continue working on the same path we currently are. We both have a lot going on.

Just to add some insight, I am not a person typical of my age. I have lived on my own since I was 19, and I have worked in the professional (Information Technology) world since age 16. I am married (for 4 years) with a 15 year old step-son and I have a 5 year old son of my own. I think having the life I do, as opposed to the typical 24/25 year old, has better prepared me for this. I understand what it is like to have a family of your own, and how hard it is to find time - even for important things like this.

While I'm sure I'll hit some of the pitfalls mentioned I do hope that with the insight you have all added and the continuing advise this forum provides my reunion will be a solid success. I am still blown away by the fact that everyone in her life has always known about me, and she has celebrated my birthday every year ..... I can't wait until Sunday when I get to see her for the first time ...

[MuyLaBonita]

Charlie,

Terrific news! Yesterday I drove up with my amom to see my grandmother for the first time and it was one of the best days. Her house was so warm and her smile healed my heart! I spent a long time searching and I still have yet to meet the rest of my family. I understand how exciting this must be for you and I support you and am thrilled for you! Please post on how it went!

I have a half sister that I can't wait to hug and experience all those different sister things. Siblings have a lot to say. I am happy for your achievement! God is watching down on you!

[lyndalou]

How wonderful for you! My 36 year old son & I reunited last summer . I was overwhelmed by the emotions I felt from the time he made the first phone call, I had been searching for years. There are so many issues to deal with, most of them from my past. Luckilly for me , he is so giving & we are working on building a relationship, slowly. Keeping in contact is really important & being open to all the joys this miracle can bring is a key. I think I'm still in the "Honeymoon" stage! Let us know how your reunion goes. I'm sure it will be great!
L.L.