[Sandydog]

Hi everyone

I really need to run this by you, people who are in the same boat. I am going to meet my birth mother for the first time. She lives abroad, so it'll be a holiday to for me, my husband and two kids. We'll be staying next door, so not in the same house, and it'll be for a week.

Please tell me, are you all gasping and thinking 'no no no, don't do it!', because whenever I tell people who aren't adopted that's what they seem to think.

Perhaps people who weren't adopted have an image of reunions as being either running into each others arms or massive arguments. But I have no issue with my birth mother, and am glad for the life I've had. It's a bonus to meet her.

I've read a few good and a few bad reunions. At the end of the day, if our personalities are not compatible, then that's that, it's something that has to be accepted. Who knows, we could be friends - I'm already in touch with a half sister by email and she's wonderful.

Am I wrong to go into this with an open mind and an open heart?

[snuffie]

I am soo excited for you! I would not listen to non adoptees on this issue! I have found from experience that no one can understand what this means to us because they have never had to search, to wonder who they are.
I have read about the reunions that have not gone well too. But it sounds like you are willing to go into this with an open mind and that your birthmom and sister really want this reunion too.
My husband and I flew across country to my reunion and it was like a fairy tale come true. We had a wonderful time. We only stayed a few days and it was not long enough.
It will help that you are staying in a different house. I needed some "down time" to just think about things and my emotions were running high.
I think everyone has different expectations of what his or her reunion will be like. I hope that you find all that you are looking for.
Keep us posted!

[maryjanek]

Originally posted by Sandydog
Am I wrong to go into this with an open mind and an open heart?

That's the only way! I'm so happy for you. It sounds like you and your family and your birth mother and her family are going into this meeting with the same positive feelings. Be prepared for some bumps along the way, but don't be discouraged by other people's pessimism or skepticism.

I think having your own place to retreat to if you're feeling overwhelmed is a sensible idea. A week sounds just fine to me. My first meeting with my son was a 3-day weekend, and it seemed very short.

Best of luck to you.

Mary Jane
Birth mother in reunion 4+ years

[sspete]

First CONGRATULATIONS!!!!! I am happy for you, and your bmom!!!!

There are no right or wrong answers when it comes to reunion. It is sometimes best to take things slowly. This helps emotions stay in check, while giving each person the time and space they need to process their emotions. The only way to begin to form a relationship is to try....You never know until you do. You will know what feels right for you.

I think it is fantastic you are going to get to meet her!!! Once you go through with the meeting, take into consideration ALL of your feelings, and hers, then the two of you can decide what is best for your relationship. No outsider's can be a good judge.....this is VERY personal. I applaud you for wanting to meet her....Like you said, this could be a GREAT friendship!!!!! You will never know until you try.....I wish you all the best!!!!

Staci

[StevieGirl]

It sounds like you're on the right track to a great reunion!

Having an open mind and open heart is the best way to go into it. Non-adoptees haven't a clue about what you're going though, so please take their advice with a grain of salt.

Enjoy your time - your vacation! Think of everything you'd like to know about your bmom, and what you'd like to share about your life. Have fun, and don't stress!

[susspa]

Hope it all goes well - sounds like you've got the right attitude to the whole thing.

I wdn't listen to non-adoptees - they don't always understand the reasons for searching in the first place. A v good friend of mine asked me when I told him that I wanted to search "Why" - I explained and he said "but you are who you are" - fair point but it doesn't stop the missing pieces in the puzzle being missing - I've always felt that it's like having a jigsaw puzzle where you can tell what the picture is but some of the pieces are missing - and you'd like to complete the picture.

Anyway, hope it goes well (I recently met my bmum for the first time - she came to stay at my house for a couple of days - it went v well) and it would be great to see a post here letting us know how it went

[Sandydog]

Hi everyone

Thankyou for your replies - I feel tons better already! You are right about non adoptees not knowing anything about what we go through, even my husband has admitted he doesn't know what to say. He is quiet about it all but happy to go along with it! I guess he might be waiting for the fallout, but he said "well, you don't know what to expect, do you?" and it's true!

I will definately reply in a couple of months to let you know how it goes!

[Tenorchick]

Sandydog--Congratulations!!! I have been reunited with my birthparents for about 1 1/2 years now, and it has been more glorious than I can even put into words. When I first met both my birthmother and father, my a-parents were right there beside me to support me. Both reunions were so perfect that I sometimes find myself still expecting to wake and find that it has all been just a beautiful dream.

I truly believe that the only way to go into a reunion is with an open mind and heart. Like you said, you never know what to expect. You will have your family there with you to take some of the spotlight off you and I'm certain that their support will mean a lot to you. I would say that any non-adoptees who are trying to give you advice in this matter are wasting their breath. They have no idea what it is like to be adopted or to be faced with the possibility of a reunion after so many years. If they were in your shoes, I am certain that they would think a little differently.

Remember that you are certainly not alone in your journey. Not only do you have your family, but you have all of us here who know exactly what you are going through and who are standing behind you cheering you on. Keep us posted!

Best of luck on your journey! May you find all you're looking for and more!

Lori

[GE_Glows]

I think you have exactly the right mindset about this. In fact, in my opinion, it's the best one to have. Having no real "expectations" will help to keep you from being dissapointed if you don't find what you're looking for, and will allow for a wonderful surprise if you do.

I am one of the blessed ones, I found a bmom with whom I've had an ever growing relationship for 15 years now. I pray you will be as blessed.

Best wishes to you as you being the rollercoaster ride of your life!

Toby

[debbie ellis]

Sandy:

Enjoy Im so excited for you I just met my Bmom about 3 weeks ago it was incredible Im so greatful I was able to find her and meet, it was so needed in my life. I went in with no expectations the best thing ever then their will be no disappointment. My girlfirend just called her bmom for the first time on thursday night and her and her daughter left the next morning on a plane to go meet her she couldnt be more excited. It has been a great thing for her also. I wish you all the luck and enjoy every moment and just be in the moment. You will never forget the first day.

Also have fun!!
Debbie

[Sandydog]

Updated on Successful Reunions!