[potterwhidden]

Well...after all these posts I finally talked to my mother. She left a message on my voicemail yesterday and I called her back. I don't know how I'm feeling. As many of you know she was a drug addict and I was taken away at the age of 4 months after gross neglect. My sister who was also taken shot and killed herself and her two children about 3 years ago. She was not taken until she was 8. My Aunt adopted her and I have been speaking with my Aunt...she is the first one I located.

My bmom is in Los Angeles and says she is clean however she spoke in such a way that I cannot tell if she is currently using or just effected by the years she was using. I didn't cry or get emotional like I always imagined. She says she chose to give me up but I know for a fact that isn't true. She acted like she did it as soon as I was born. She also said I'm the only child she ever had which I know isn't true. She thought that I hadn't seen the records so I told her I had seen the papers and didn't have anything negative to say. She said most of what they probably said in the papers was a lie. She was very concerned with how I look...she was a model and strippper ect. and wanted to know if I was pretty.

She also said the man listed in court papers as my father probably wasn't. He was puerto rican and Iam very very fair with blonde hair and blue eyes. She said my father could also be a navy man or an army man. At times the things she said didn't make much sense. She says she is going to call me and wants me to send some pictures. She is staying in a hotel right now...she just got to Los Angeles 2 days ago and had been in Reno.

Overall I'm confused and dissapointed. I called my biological aunt and she was very supportive. They haven't spoken in 20 years but she is very kind and has never used drugs. I honestly don't know what to think or what to do.

Dissapointed and confused,
Emily

[Dixierae]

[quote]TO YOUR OWN SELF BE TRUE[/QUOTE

Dear Emily,
Hi, Iam so sorry you have to feel all this pain, Iam a bmom, and I cant understand why this woman would lie to you right off the bat! But I have to say after keeping up with your post that I really feel bad for you ,,, and her, maybe like you said the years of drugs have taken there toll on her and her mind. Maybe she is still out doing things most Moms dont do. But you have to take a stand and tell her what you think and how you feel, and let her know if she wants to live her life that way to just leave you out of it, its so easy to get sucked into that kind of world. I wish I had some words to make you feel better, I just cant stand to see a bmom act like this, youd think shed been happy to hear from you at all, with you knowing everything and you got ahold of her anyway. Well if you ever need to chat vent or just yell Iam here,,,Sending you lots of hugs,,,,,,,,,,,,

[feelinglost]

Emily,
I was sooo hoping and praying that this would have turned out better for you.: But you know, maybe all is not lost, maybe you were ment to hav the realitionship with your Aunt?? Maybe that's why contact with her came 1st?Is is possible that she truly doesn't remember??? I know they lie, but what good does it do now? Humans I guess. I know it's hard, I know your heartaches....I wish I could say something to help you through this, but I know there's no magic, just time. It's good you have some contact, right, some of us never will, so this is a positive!!! All I can do is tell you we are here..We care...And we want to know how things are going!!!! Keep us up to date!!!

[Katiebaby]

Emily,

Hi sweetness! I've been wondering about you! I'm so sorry that she seems to be lying to you. It may be that she actually believes her own lies to be the truth. *shrugs* She may just be trying to make everything seem better. Who knows? I'm just so very happy your aunt is there for you.

My bmom is half Cherokee & I'm very fair w/blonde hair & blue eyes, so you never know hun.

Hang in there & we're here for you!

[potterwhidden]

GREAT NEWS>>> Suzanne (bmom) has called twice and we've had great conversations. She admited to the drugs and that I was taken.She told me about my birth and alot of things i've always wondered. I think she was just embarrassed of the whole situation and incredibly nervous. She's great and it's turning out better than I ever could have imagined!! Thanks so much for your support!

[alicia hunter]

I'm so glad things are going better after the first contact. I hope you can create whatever type of relationship you hope for with your bmom.

[Jackiejdajda]

potterwhidden wrote..I honestly don't know what to think or what to do.

I am so very sorry for your dissapointment..



Jackie

[sspete]

I am glad things are coming along a little better Now Emily!!!!

That is good news....Hopefully everything continues along a good path for you....You deserve it...

Many Prayers and Blessings are being sent your way on your reunion....

Staci

[l-thompson]

Hi Emily - I was so pleased to read you had actually made contact with your birthmother.
As time goes on she may open up more and more about her life and her past. I hope she is able to answer your questions and you can have peace of mind.

Good luck