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Originally Posted By How could she?

I found and met my bmother about two years ago. She expressed no emotion except a strong desire that I tell no one about my existence. I would think that in the 39 years that have passed since my birth, she would have come around to maturing and accepting her "unfortunate mistake" (me). We have had no further contact and my one note to her since our meeting has gone unanswered. Do I give up and go away or try some other tactic? This is so strange to me because I know I would have been thrilled by the reunion had our roles been reversed. Help!

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Originally Posted By BT & LT

I know it is NO consulation, but I have found two siblings I never knew about. One sibling is very anxious to bring the whole family together and the other is just the opposite - and I do understand where this one is coming from. Their thoughts are reflective of the life they have led. Sibling two has lived his life being the oldest of two - he has also heard all his life, we do NOT discuss this - I'm sure our b-father would have destroyed all the evidence of our lives [there were 3 adopted to the same family, 2 adopted to another family, and 1 to a third family] if he had known our bmother had kept it. One of the two siblings who were not put up for adoption found the material by mistake.

Now here were a mother and two sons who had to live over 4 decades denying that there were more than two children in this family. They had to live lies for so long, they don't know how to deal with the truth.

And consider - if your mother had you by someone besides her present husband [if she has or had one], she is probably scared stiff of what this will bring down on the family. People think that way. They have denied it for years and now it is too late to tell the world about it. If I might - I'd highly suggest a second, third and even fourth note, talking casually about what has happened since you talked with her last or since your last message. Talk positive - show no animosity toward her reaction and you might find she will finally come around and talk to her family and then bring you into the family. Even add a few fun pictures as well as school pictures.

For when you have to live a lie for so long - it is hard as the devil to change overnight. And also, consider the pain and hurt that she has had to live through in this - why did she get pregnant, who was the father - was it a violent attack, if it wasn't violent, why did the father not stick around and what above all made her have to hand you over to strangers. I was adopted and I was put in a position I had to sign over guardianship of my child to two family memebers. I cried for three days after doing that in court. I knew I could and would see that child upon occassion and I knew that it was only guardianship and not adoption, but it still tore my heart out.

Try to think of your mother in one of these positions and then try to write her a few more times beforr you give up on a relationship. She was told to forget you when she had you and probably didn't even get to hold you, so try to be patient and maybe a miracle will bring you two together. Don't give up yet.

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Originally Posted By Denise

I can't say that I know how you feel because I haven't found my birth parents yet, but if she feels that way, then it's her loss. You are obviously strong enough make it through that.

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Originally Posted By mj

I am so sorry things have not gone wwell for you. I was delighted to have my son make contact with me. i know he has a mom but that doesn't mean we can't be very special friends. If she had not asked to you stop all contact continue to remeber her on her Bday, on your bday ,and mothers day. This may bring her around or she will tell you to stop. Either way you will know how she stands. It's worth a shot. Good Luck to you.

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Originally Posted By Cookie

Poor dear girl: Who can say why some people are the way they are? My own natural mother seems to care more for her possessions than she does for me. I would love to know you if you were mine. Know that you are worth loving and worth knowing, regardless what she does or thinks.

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Originally Posted By JJ

It's unfortunate your Bmom did not greet you with open arms. I would have loved for my daughter to have treated me the way you treated her. I had an Intermediary locate my daughter after 24 years. I was told she refused any contact with/from me. I did not feel rejected though because she did not even know who she was rejecting. I felt sad for her though. What would cause her to reject a reunion that might only be offered once in a lifetime? I had to realize that my life cannot be consumed by hopes of her coming back into my life - ever. I see this as a great loss for her. I only wanted to help her to obtain peace in her life and see if there was anything I could do to help her get over any negative feelings about the adoption. She was wanted but I felt I had no choice but to give her up at the time. I hope you can realize that this rejection had more to do with her than it had to do with you. Yes, it is a loss for her not you. Don't take it personal. Good luck and have a Happy Holiday. Life is too short to spend it trying to force someone to do what they do not want to do.

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Originally Posted By m

I am so sorry that your reunion did not turn out as you wish. Please try not to take this too much to heart. Your birthmother may have issues she is not even aware of. My sibling and I were both adopted from different families. My adoptive family and I have talked about searching and while they are open and supportive of any reunions we might have, my parents say that they fear what will happen if my sister should find her mother. My sister was born premature and ill and her birth mother- who was only 15- abandoned her in the hospital where she was born. My parents worry that her shame would cause her to automatically reject any contact with my sister. They never told this to my sister because they fear she would be hurt and now that my sister is 21 they don't know what to say. The only advice they've given her is to know that if no one else wanted her, they always have. I think the same advice would help you also. As my mom said- "We didn't setttle for blind luck. We went and picked you out becuase you were perfect."

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Originally Posted By CYNTHIA

HI,MY NAME IS CYNTHIA AND I HAVE FOUR BROTHERS AND A SISTER THAT WAS ADOPT WHEN I WAS A BABY AND IM LOOKING FOR THEM,I WAS BORN IN BELLVUE,OHIO IN 1969.YOUR STORY TOUCHED ME,I FEEL LIKE A LOST PERSON.I KNOW ONE DAY I WILL REUNION WITH THEM,I WANT TO HAVE A FAMILY REUNION IF ONLY I COULD FIND THEM,HAVE YOU HEARD OF TIS NAMES?JESS,CHARLES,KENNETH,RALPH,ANITA KAY!THIS ARE MY LIFE AND I CANT DO ANY THING ABOUT IT BECAUSE I DONT KNOW THAT MUCH ABOUT THEM,JUT WHO THEY ARE THEIR BIRTHDATES AND PLACE WHERE THEY WERE BORN THATS ALL I KNOW ABOUT THEM,IF YOU KNOW ANY THING COULD YOU E-MAIL ME:CYNTHIA128@WEBTV.NET THANKS FOR YOUR STORY.

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Originally Posted By CYNTHIA

WHO ARE YOU?AND WHERE ARE YOU FROM?I AM LOOKNG FOR FOUR BROTHERS AND ASISTER THAT WAS ADOPT WHEN I WAS ABABY AND IM TRYING TO FIND THEM ALL I HAVE IS BIRTHDATES AND HOPIAL NAMES.

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Originally Posted By Ann

I have had almost the same happen.....I located my bmom, and called her. She was TOTALLY uninterested and didn't even want a phone number in ase she changed her mind. What is WRONG with these people?

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Originally Posted By ugly

I fear the day my child contacts me because I was molested. I desperatley want to know that my child is okay but I can't search. I will have open arms if there is ever any contact but I fear the pain it is going to cause my child and my family. Is it fair to ask...will you take a paternity test? oh and please don't tell my family or the person listed on your birth certificate. Pretty rotten surprise for someone looking for their biological parents. I was sexually active with a wonderful person at the time and do not know which person is truley the biological father. He doesn't know this. Rotten of me I know. Believe me, I don't think much of myself either. I have this confession to make and I am terrified. I feel so guilty and discusting for not telling my boyfriend or my family.I did not tell because the molester made it very clear that he would hurt my family. I believe he would have. It was awful telling my family I was pregnant, I almost told them the rest but didn't. I was afraid of telling my father or boyfriend for fear of either spending the rest of his life in jail for murder. It has eaten me up inside for many years now. I never want anyone to know But if the day comes,I will not lie. I am terrified.

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Originally Posted By Lady Patricia

adoption - if you know the names and birthdates & are boy's - I maybe able to help. Your story touched me.
paron@bendnet.com. Please give names -dates-sex-parent's names etc. Please include the adoption board so I will know where you came from.
Lady Patricia

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Originally Posted By NOT ugly

So many of these postings are breaking my heart but yours most of all. Please try not to feel so badly about yourself, you were a victim and the person who did that to you is ugly.I'm sure your family would be very understanding if you told them the truth and it is true that the truth can set you free. You must have been quite young and absolutely terrified and to go through that alone would be too much for anyone. Good luck in all your future endeavors and please know that you are worth something and there are people that love you and try to let go of the pain. My heart goes out to you.

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Originally Posted By Still Searching

Excellent Advice
I wish you both luck!

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Originally Posted By Janice

Do you know her family? My bniece found us and if her bmom (my sister) had rejected her I would have loved meeting her anyway.