[shirleyville]

I promised all of you that you would be the first to know when I decided to send the letter to Mary Ellen....and ( GULP )
it's going out tomorrow!!!
Tomorrow is the one year anniversary of the day my files were released to my intermediary. I felt an intense sense of "freedom" that day, just knowing that my records had been taken from their "resting place" and were brought into the light for the first time since 1964. Tomorrow, I will feel an even greater sense of freedom in knowing that I have said what I set out to say at the beginning of this journey.
It's a risk, I know -- but the risk of remaining silent is far more detrimental to me. I've spent over 11 months weighing the pros and cons....I've worried and stressed and wondered....I've prayed and I've come to the place where I know I need to be to close this chapter, and begin a new one.
What that chapter holds remains to be written....
I don't expect a response, for those of you who wonder. I can't expect anything....except maybe a not so nice reaction from my cousin, which I am sure will be forthcoming -- but that, I can handle. What I can't handle is selling myself out to a life of never doing what I know, in my heart, is the very thing I need to do to move forward. In 1964, Mary Ellen did the same thing -- she made a decision that would forever effect MY life, so SHE could move forward. I think I deserve the same chance.
Hold your breath with me.....she will receive this on Tuesday!
I am sure I will need a lot of hand holding the next few days!
I'll keep you all posted!
TIGHT HUGS,
Sally

[Sharon]

Good luck, Sally!
I'll be keeping my fingers crossed for you.
~ Shar

[snuffie]

best wishes Sally. YOu are in my thoughts and prayers.

Hugs
Snuffie

[sal]

From one Sally to another........YOU HANG IN THERE!.......sal

[sspete]

Oh Sally.....I am praying for you girl!!!!! I hope with the greatest sincerity that she responds to you....You deserve that!!!! Thanks for letting us know.....we are behind you girl!!!! Blessings and Perfect Peace to You during your wait!!!!

Staci

[SWGAgirl]

Sally- I just want to put in my best wishes for a great outcome for you. We have all been following with you through this. I wish your b-mom could know what a wonderful person you are- as all of us who read your posts do! I wish she knew ALL you have gone through with deciding what to do and your TOTAL unselfishness in this situation.
If she ever asked for your "references" (LOL), I think she would have a line of us that reached halfway across the state of Indiana at least! LOL We are all pulling for you!

In my own searching, finding, and now building a relationship with my b-mom, I
came to realize something. For as much as WE may receive in reunion with our b-moms, we are also giving them a priceless gift of peace, healing and closure if they just open up and take it. I hope SO much that your b-mom will take this gift from you, and see what an awesome daughter she has.

I will keep you and your mom in my thoughts and prayers.

Hugs, Liz

[patrisha]

Shirley - I will cross everything I'm physically able to you give you luck. I don't know why, but I have a good feeling about the outcome from your sending the letter.

As someone pointed out on another thread, the agency, social services, and other involved parties may have promised Mary Elln confidentiality, but nobody had the right to do so on your behalf.


SWGAgirl - As a reunited birth mom I couldn't say it better than your comment did......"For as much as WE may receive in reunion with our b-moms, we are also giving them a priceless gift of peace, healing and closure if they just open up and take it. "

The birth mom's that reject reunion have no idea what a wonderful experience they are passing up.

Trish

[debsdone]

Good going Sally! Please don't hold your breath. Breathe! You have so much support here......USE IT. I will keep everything crossed for a positive outcome! Love, Debi

[Rowan]

Sally

I have been following your story.

I sincerely hope that this event brings you all that you wish for and the way forward that you deserve.

Your birthmother should be informed that she produced such a wonderful, smart, compassionate and caring person and that she would be extremely foolish to miss out on the chance of knowing you.

You have a way with words and I cannot see how she can escape the depth of your sincerity and your qualities by reading your letter.

Routing for you.

R

[Decision]

I too have been following your journey with great interest.
I hope all works well for you, and please do as Deb suggests...BREATHE...
if your cousin cannot understand how this is affecting your life that is her loss. You are a most wonderful person and do deserve to be heard...
Hugs
Melissa

[ladybuglady]

Good Luck Sally!

At least this year for Thanksgiving you can be grateful that you have the courage to follow your heart, no matter what the outcome!

Good luck and Happy Holidays!

LBL

[HAIR127]

MAY GODS LIGHT SURROUND YOU AND COMFORT YOU TUESDAY AND EVERYDAY THEREAFTER! {{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}} JANET

[radiodoll]

go get 'em girlfriend!

Radiodoll

[shirleyville]

Well, folks....there's no turning back now!
The letter is in the mail.
Funny....I've told a couple of people -- my best friend happened to call while I was on my way home from the post office, and I told her -- and I mailed copies of the letter to two other dear friends -- all done in a very non-plussed, calm manner, but it wasn't until I came here that I burst into a fit of nervous tears.
I find myself wondering if my fingers will ever feel warm enough, or hold still enough to type! LOL
At this very moment, I'm not feeling a lot of "peace" about having said my "piece" -- mostly, I feel like throwing up, and my head is screaming "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE"?????
I can't believe I wrote it....and I can't believe I sent it. Walking out of that post office, knowing I left my heart behind, in an envelope...knowing there was no turning back.....was the scariest feeling in the world.
I am not at all afraid of Mary Ellen not responding -- I don't expect her to. What I am afraid of is that in some way, she will get in trouble over all of this....or that she will be outraged that I sent it, and call to say something incredibly hurtful....or that Shannon will. I can take them all walking away from me....that is what I expect. What I don't know if I could take is ugly words or actions.
I made it clear in the letter that her "secret" was safe with me....that I wouldn't "out" her to her children.....that I wanted her to have peace in her heart, knowing that something wonderful happened from what she endured, and that I wanted nothing more than to share my gratitude. I told her that I wanted us both to be able to move forward with peace....and I told her to listen to her heart -- to follow what she hears and that in doing that, she would bring ME peace.
God....I am FLIPPIN' OUT!
More to follow!
I love you all!
me

[shirleyville]

By the way.....
Thank you ALL so much for your encouragement, prayers and kind words!
I am holding your collective hands!
Hugs,
Sally