[notme1295]

I am family member to a 14 year old who has found her birthmother. I have supported her in this, but I am a little unsure of how to proceed with contact, etc, being that there are another 4 years until this girl is an adult. I am caring for the girl right now, her a-mom has been ill and it's possible the girl will stay with me until age 18.

Main reason I supported contact at such a young age is that both the girl and her b-mom have potentially terminal illness. Girl concerned mom will die before having contact, and wanting family to know she is doing well, etc.

Does anyone have suggestions on how to proceed? So far there is phone contact, I sent some pictures, etc. Girls counselor knows of girl's wishes and has offered to help tell a-mom about how she feels, etc, and why wanted contact.

So the main thing I wonder-- anyone have advice about the amount of contact, etc, that would be appropriate for a child of this age? Everyone on both sides is ecstatic thus far knowing the other is doing well, is healthy, etc. Family friend has spoken with b-mom at length and feels she has a healthy attitude regarding the contact, as far as knowing that the child is adopted and part of another family, but also wanting to get to know her, too and know what she is like, etc.

I appreciate any advice, comments, suggestions. I hope that my support will not be seen as hurtful as she is so young, but the circumstances made it seem appropriate to me. Unfortunately the adoptive situation has not been ideal and the a-family has a lot of problems (a-family which I am a part of). I felt important also for her to know that despite the problems people have had it has not been personal about her and that she has always been very loved, by b-family and a-family. A-mom had serious problems and this was a DHS adoption.

Thank you..
notme1295@yahoo.com

[patrisha]

First I want to say how wonderful of you to care enough to put the time and energy you have into this reunion. Your support and understanding of her wishes is such a blessing for her.

If both birth mom and daughter appear to be ready, then I see no reason not to go forward with a meeting. The first one may be very emotional and should somewhere private. After seeing what effect it has on the girl, the frequency and length of time for future contact can be determined.

IMHO there is no "too young" or "too old". Each case must be weighed on the needs of the individuals (just like you've already done). Follow your instincts. They seem to be based in love and served you well so far.

Trish

[sspete]

First I wanted to say how lucky this young lady is to have someone like you to step in and take care of her!!! She is blessed!!! I too believe you are doing the right thing if everyone seems emotionally prepared for reunion!!! Open adoptions are a great thing if both parties are willing!!!!! I hope everyone in this situation finds the contentment and friendship they are looking for. It sounds like so far so good!!!! Keep up the good work....this child needs you!!!!! Blessings......

S Pete

[SoulWhisper]

I think you are definitely on the right path and I hope that the adoptive mother will consent. How blessed this young girl is to have someone who is putting her needs and interests first. I wish you both the best of luck.

Love