[colin]

Hi John (bBrother)

I hope you don't mind communicating our reunion here. I have been a member of this site for quite some time now and think that others will profit from us openly sharing our communication here. And also if Gloria (our Bmom) gets to a computer she can be involved as well as I trust she might.

I think it would be informative for others as well as for us to have a common meeting place and a record to look back upon. I want to communicate by letter for the first little while anyway to ease into these new relationships.

Gloria if you are reading this then welcome and congratulations for giving us life. Sounds a bit corny but i am not afraid of having a bit of fun here so lets loosen up and keep it light. I enjoy many laughs and good times.

John welcome i look forward to corresponding here. So I leave the slate open for John and Gloria and also for any forum members to comment openly.

Talk with ya soon,
Colin

[colin]

Dear John

I never thought I'd be writing a "dear John" letter, lol.

It is so very nice to actually hear from the other side. For some time now i have been crawling out of my traumatized shell of a life to see the sun and the value in my life. I hope i will not sound too depressing, but i don't want to be fake either.

It will take some time for this news to actually sink in. It is very exciting for me. You sound so friendly and positive. I haven't written Gloria yet, i hope she gets hold of a computer or has a friend with ability. If not i'll print tis thread out and mail it to her.

I am not sure how to start either so it'll use your letter as a template.

I am very curious to learn of your growing up history and your experiences as an adopted child. No rush, but that is what is at the top of my mind.

I have recently been going through my 'mid-life-stuff' and have become aware of being able to work out the past feelings to make my memories a little more palatable. I had become sort of a self help junkie.

John, we are so very lucky so far in this story to have found each other and our Bmom. I have got to be honest with you that i really do not yet know why I needed to search. Why did you? Something inside me needed this since i was at least five years old. I had never really felt comfortable in my adopted family.

I am not to putting that experience up to the magnifying glass as much as i had used to. I am hopefully past most of my negative feelings, and i try to hold no gruges about it.

John i am taking so much time with opening up because it is our right, it is my right. I choose to first open up here because of many reasons but the main one is that it feels safe.

Yes i do just want to jump on a jet and check out my long lost blood family. To see what those blood ties are really like, i have heard so much romanticism and life fufulling tales about this brotherhood phenomena. Yet i had never experienced much myself.

I had an older brother already. I fear older brothers. Sure the TV is full of great stuff, but where does that come from? I met a few friends with wonderful brotherly relationships. But to know the truth i had to duck and hide from mine most of my life.

I know it's okay now, i have been safe ever since i outgrew him when i was 17. I just need you to know that i have so many other things in my life tied to this reunion i have got to slow down to a safe pace and it will perhaps be a little more enjoyable experience for me.

I want to know more of the story about you. It seems you were the searcher with out bMom. How did you do it?

It is so nice to hear that you and Gloria have a good relationship. That's half the battle with us adoptees, some find bFamily but the relationships do not flourish because of the infinite emotional and social details.

Wow, as i write this i am shaking and trembling. Maybe i should take a break, the tears are welling up in my eyes and it is hard to see the screen.

I want to correspond here in this forum because it has been my sanctuary for the past little while as i got serious about my search. There is a wealth of information here and many supportive individuals as well as some i can make feel a little better.

I would very much value if you could share with me here where I feel the most comfortable.

I will write more in a bit.

Love Colin

[colin]

Hi John

The other day i received your email and will use it here to focus my writing.

Here is a copy of the email I received from JOHN my bBrother


> """ Hi Colin,

I'm not quite sure how to start other then saying welcome to the
family. Our mother and i are very happy to hear from you. We've
been waiting along time for you to show up.

Mom told me about you when i met her, she's been really worried
about finding you and now she can stop worrying. Thank you
very much for that. I too am excited that you started looking for us. I told Mom that we would find you eventually.

I do not have a picture of us on the computer but i will get some
to you soon. My address is...xxxxxx( i took this stuff out incase it is best) My full name is John xxxx.

I've lived in Calgary since 1980, and I found our mother in around
1993, and have had a great relationship with her ever since. We are looking forward to meeting you and have talked about you
often. I didn't even know about you until i met mom and now i truly have a little brother.

I have yet to be married but have come close a couple of times
and i've been seeing the same lady for 4 years now, her name is
Sandy and she too is excited for all of us. Sorry but i have no
children of my own. So there are no more surprises from my end.

I'm not sure if you have heard yet but we do have a sister who is
younger then us and she lives in Winnipeg. I'll let Mom fill you in
on her.

Rite now i'm working security at a store here in Calgary awaiting
shoulder surgery. I used to have a delivery service that i had to
give up due to an injury witch i'll be compinsated for after i'm
though with the doctors. It's been a long bumpy road recovering
from my car accident but i'm doing very well considering.

I play pool competitively to fill my spare time and have competed
in several of international tournaments where we have done
pretty good. I also have a dog named Solo who is about 5 years
old now.

I'm a little pressed for time rite now as i have to get ready
for work soon. So i will have to cut this letter short but it is a
start and we do have to start somewhere so...once again
welcome my long lost brother and,do not worry as we too are
very happy you have arrived.

Looking forward to hearing

hearing from you soon

take care.

John


Well John THANK YOU. Your letter was very well done. Hospitable, welcoming, warm and informative. Welcome to my family too.

I have been very lucky to have such speedy search results. And i am very lucky to have met hospitality on the other side. I have been meaning to search for ages yet for many reasons had never the courage and means to seach. I felt guilty getting the information off of my aParents because i felt like i was hurting or betraying my aMOM. My Fiancee had the courage to actually make that step to get my records for me.

You have been looking for so long yet i had never seen anything on the internet. I had registered many times and even freaked myself out when i thought i found a new site and saw my adopted name 'Deen Pelkey'. It turned out to be my own entry, but was excited there for a few moments. lol

Fears about our mom still being alive or being welcoming were with me. Search angels here were helping track down leads also.

It wasn't until i went onto the chat where i encountered someone from manitoba who introduced me to links to the manitoba social office where you registered.

So, you found mom. Was she looking? How did you find her? How did it go at first? Wow so many questions.

I've lived in vancouver solid for 5 years now. Before that I travelled for five years. Before that it was Halifax for 14 years, then Alabama for 1, Ottawa for 2, Kingston for 2 Dartmouth, N.S. for 4, which brings us to Winnipeg which i left at 4 years old.

Yes you have a little brother, or 1/2 brother but whose counting. You seem excited about the little brother thing, i am honored. It's the first time i had an older brother happy to be aquainted with me.

How did you grow up? Did you have and aFamily? Did you have brothers and sisters. I had an older brother and no sisters. A Military aFather and a Nurse aMother. Yup, uniform wearing parents in high stress jobs.

So you've had a fufilling reunion so far. I hope to continue that.

Nice to hear you found a good woman .... hi Sandy.

I've had many heartaches also, i was not the most socially adjusted person.

Now, I have also found a wonder of a woman who i have been seeing for four years this fall. No kids either, i am terrified to take that step and never really pointed my life in that direction.

Sue and i are recently engaged and will marry by June 11, 2005. That's another major hurdle in my life. We've made major progress in our relationship over the years and it keeps getting more and more fufilling being a part of her life. There were times when i never thought relationships with people could work for me. But Sue has had her bumps in life too so she is very understanding and great to me.

You said sorry for not having kids what do you mean by that?

Wow about the news about a sister. I had always wanted a little sister. Too bad this is not a fairy tale and we arn't kids starting life off together. I realise this would have its cons too but my mind daydreamed about what life would have been like.

It is a shame that our bmom doesn't have the computer to be here too.

Sorry to hear about your accident. I always wanted my own company but never had the courage. I have friends with their own moving and delivery companies here in the city.

So you are facing the challenges of a busted up body. Did it do your spirit any harm? Or has it actually developed it more? Get well soon and eat your veggies, lol.

I used to take pool in university (unofficially) lol, I'd skip alot of deathly boring classes and play friends. My aDad had also bought the family a snooker table when i was nine.

Congratulations on your accomplishments with the cue. You must like beer. I prefer smoke.

So i too shall cut this letter short cause i know there will be many more. Thank you once agan for being you. I feel welcomed and happy to have arrived, lol.

Love Colin

P.S. I guess i have to change the signature below to 'I found, i am found, and am finding, lol

[colin]

Hi John here's you second email i'll use it as a guide again.

> """Hi Colin,

>So now that you have had some sleep, how are you feeling
about things? I've talked to Mom and she's going to write you
soon.

>Sandy and I are going through some pictures and i'm going to
pick-up a printer/scanner on my over to her house then we are
heading over to her aunt's place for an afternoon barbeque. When i get home i'll hook it up and get some pictures to you.

>You must have a lot of questions for us that i will answer as best as i can so feel free to start asking. I have some of my own
that I would like to know so when you feel up to it let me know.
Tell me about yourself. When is the big day or have you two set
a date for the wedding?

>I've got to start getting ready soon so i'll ckeck in later...take
care.

>Love John


Sue, my fiancee says "It is like it couldn't be any better the way it's going." and i must agree there.

Well John the sleep has been wonderful lately. It has been some time now since i have woken up in peace. It is so comforting to have these new refreshing thoughts in my mind instead of the regular things.

I value corresponding here where i feel at home. I've been a part of this forum for many months. I have already seen the picture you sent. It is funny seeing the similarities and even funnier hearing my brain say 'i love you' at the sight. We do have many similarities.

It is getting later in the day, i'll be asking many questions later and welcome ANY questions from you about anything. It will be easy for me to open up here.

How was the Barbeque, I love going to my Uncle John's place for their BBQ's. Both John and Dar, his wife, compliment each others hospitality and cooking.

About our wedding, we want to keep it small and comfortable. The less stress the better. We may even end up aloping, we feel it is our ceremony first and a family friends affair second and the amount of complicated arrangements is taking the fun out of it. So it could be anytime or June 11, 2005 in John and Dars backyard.

I would like to pause for now. I have been at this for hours. I hope you figure out how to navigate to this site soon.

Love Colin

[GloriaBMOM]

Hi Colin
I've read both yours & JOhn's letters. I'm glad you are both getting along. The sense of humour is very nice....I've had a few good laughs myself.

You've been a very busy young man traveling all over.

You mentioned John liking beer but you prefer smoke.....what kind of smoke is that?

I'm glad to see we have a page like this that we can communicate on. I'm having my friend Maria do the typing for me. She is Murray's fiance.

It has been one exciting week since Rose Marie has got us together. I'm finding it hard to write this now since you haven't received my letter yet and I have so much to say but I'm finding hard to get it all out.

By the way are you eating your veggies too? They are good for you....lol...and have some fruit too.

Sue sound like a very level headed girl and I'm glad you have her there to help you along. Being truthful with someone is the best thing in the world.

We have got John to this page because he was having trouble getting in but he has found it now and was able to log in and find the page. He is busy reading right now.

Did Rose Marie give you my phone number as well as my address?

Well maybe I should go now. Good night Colin & Sue. I'll try again another night and hopefully you'll have goten my letter by then.
Love Gloria (Bmom)

[colin]

This is pretty cool, got your message.

Yes i do live in BC and i was out at the putting green earlier walking in the grass.

Hi Maria thanks to you and Murray we can speed the communication process up a little.

Gloria how did you hear about the travels? Never mind i just remembered. But that is just the tip of the iceberg.

I haven't heard from john for a bit. He kinda looks alot like me, don'cha think? He seems very thrilled to have his search pull through. I am thrilled. Was he the dective when you two met?

The sense of humor has gotten me through life. I'd be in a whole different world without it.

By the way 1/2 Ukranian, 1/4 Irish, 1/4 Scottish. That explains the red that appears in my beard and my thirst for Guiness and i've even home made my very own perogie dinners.

My life has been feeling so much diferent lately. I have had alot of time off from work. Lotta time to work on myself -- i'm getting married so its time to learn how to be a good hubby from the inside out. Sue says i'm doing a fine job. Things are good. She's glad to be a part of this story.

Yeah this whole adoption forum area is fantastic, Adoptees everywhere and Bmoms and all. Wish i had this when i was a kid. Ya may want to thank the wonderful bMoms here. I hate to be so frank but after having spent months hashing out ideas with them and others I have the awareness of the complexities which can surround the time sensitive process of adoption. In otherwords i'll be a much nicer guy, lol.

I should be getting your letter on friday.

I'm engaged to a Hungarian, i'm eating plenty well, and i have a health nut streak in me too. So no worries there.

Yes, Sue is a good match, we make it through life no matter what. Life has sure turned into the place to be.

You said "Being truthful with someone is the best thing in the world. " I very much agree, i practice that even when it does more harm than good.

Yes i have your phone number, thanks. I'd like to correspond here and in letters for awhile.

I'm really tired now but usually rise early so i'll write tomorrow after i get your letter.

Sleep well.

Love Colin

P.S. Hi John

[colin]

The mailman has come and gone, I guess Monday will be the day.

So I'll just talk about my day and we'll dig into the deep stuff later.

After i write this I will be walking down a couple blocks to the beach. I hope to arrange a storage locker and get a windsurfer sometime this week.

I work in the movie industry in the Special Effects Department. I am still way down the Union list so work is not full time yet but that wil come over time.

It gives me lots of time to play, as long as i don't spend money as i'm playing. For example rollerblading, tennis, biking and the like.

So i'll check in later.

Love
Colin

[GloriaBMOM]

Hi Colin,
It's nice to take it slow and at the same time I would like to give you many hugs & kisses. It has been a long time coming. It was hard not to look at little boys and try to see if you or John were one of them.

After reading your letters and John's I found it hard to put down words last night. I am writing this with more ease today.

There are alot of days I wish I had not done what was done. Today things are a lot different. Loving you & John is something only a mother who gives her children up knows how it feels. Part of your heart is gone and you hope that someday you will get it back. At times you stop what you are doing and think are you ok or sick. Oh God please let them have a good life.

There are alot of things I have asked myself since I gave you up. It was the two hardest days in my life giving John & you Colin someone else to love. I loved you boys inside me and I have never stopped.

Life has not been a bed of roses for any one of us. But I thank God that we have life and love. I have three kids and to me that has been the best of all things to be happy about. Love is alot better then hate. I got that from part of my life and it is no good.

Sherry is having a hard time about all of this. Her dad knew about you boys and has said it did not matter. He didn't want me to tell Sherry about you boys. I know that was wrong. I have told her to be honest all the time, and I was not honest with her. That was hard for me. After John & I got together he got mean and hateful. In the end I left him and everything behind. It didn't stop me looking for you. Having John again helped alot. Life is too short to be unhappy but let's hope we all have many more years to have good times together.

I met Carl and in July '97 we started going together and we are still good together. We started living together in '98 and got engaged 2 years ago. He gave me my engagement ring when we came back from hunting. He gave me the ring box and said to have a look, I had a look, closed it up and gave it back to him saying "nice ring". He says "Don't you want it?" I was so shocked I didn't realize what it was. Lol. Needless to say I do have it now.

He is full of fun. We enjoy alot of the same things. Carl has 4 kids and they are all out and about. Also 2 granddaughters. I bought golf clubs 2 years ago and still haven't used them. Maybe this summer Carl & I will go out.

We have alot of things we do together. John has been here for some of them. I know he has had a good time. The kids all like John and always ask when he is coming down again.

This Christmas we are having everyone here for it. If you can it would be nice if you could come, and Sue. There are alof of miles between us and the cost don't help. If not that will be okay.

Glad to hear Sue has been a good help to you. There are alot of things love can do to help. I know myself to be honest is still the best thing to do.

I don't know if John remembers, but it was in August that we found each other. Now 10 years later in August we have got you Colin with us. It has been too long. Thank you God for helping us get together.

Sorry I had to stop writing this for a few minutes. I have not put things down on paper for a long time till I wrote to you.

Maria will be sending this to you and on Sunday we (Murray, Carl, Maria & I) will be going fishing. Carl has a boat and he is usually the one who catches the most fish and costs us alot of money. We pay a $1 to the one who catches the first fish, $1 for the biggest fish, $1 for the most fish, $1 for ugliest fish, and $1 for the last catch of the day. At times I have been lucky to have caught the biggest. First time Murray went out he was catching them 2 at a time. We always have a good time when we go out.

Well I guess son I have played your eyes out enough for tonight.

Lots of Love. Have a good night & sweet dreams,
Gloria (BMom)

[colin]

It is so nice to have your support on going slow, i really think it is a good idea.

We are all going to be going through alot of stuff here and it is only fair to keep it light and slow.

Gloria i really do not know how i feel right now. When you mention lots of hugs and kisses i agree and appreciate your message sounds pretty appropriate for a birth mother. I just don't know how i feel and it may take some time.

> "After reading your letters and John's I found it hard to put down words last night.

I can appreciate what you are describing. I have alot of overwhelming feelings and try not to dig too deep into myself. I really have to keep this slow. Sometimes one moment my head swirls with joys and what if's. Sometimes it broods a witches pot. What is important is that it is still working, my head that is.

So on a lighter note I really can appreciate the difficult times which must have snuck up on you here and there regarding those life choices. I am not here to judge, i have already lived those days long enough, but i sure would like to understand.

You mentioned many items of grief and regret to be only left with hope in God. That combination looks to me as though you were feeling helpless. I am i wrong?

As an adoptee i have a problem with the term "since I gave you up" What is this really supposed to mean? It doesn't really validate any terms on the adoptees side of things. It really is okay for you to use it. It really is okay for any bMOM to use it, because it does describe a self induced loss. But for others, a third party for instance, to use the term does not give the child a voice. It completely validates the birth mother yet leaves the loss of the child unexpressed. (i am just trying to explain in words an uneasy feeling i have for the child affected. Are there are any other adoptees out there who experienced anything similar? Please post.)

Being an adult adoptee is not all grief. I just realized this but i would make a great sex education teacher because i have been aware of post pregnancy options since i was three. Rose Mary (Not to be confused with Rose Marie from the adoption office) my mother, my Amother, I find i am very aware of the options and implications of pregnancy. I know she really tried her best when i was youngest and asking the damdest things. She explained to me very well about all the complexities of families, motherhood, where kids come from and Adoption. I've known about it all my life.

I also know how difficult it is to bring up a child, millionaires excluded (but nobody here i'm sure). Ya got to work and stuff to get stuff and stuff suffers and stuff gets old and tired and breaks like us all.

I've moved alot in my life, so much that i couldn't stay still. I've seen alot, havn't we all seen alot, maybe even too much. So there's alot i thought i had to know to survive in this world.

Gloria you sound like you've been taking care of yourself, you remind me of virginia star. You know the one with the 'I am me' poem

"If later some parts of how I looked, sounded, thought and felt turn out to be unfitting, I can discard that wish is unfitting, keep the rest, and invent something new for that which I discarded." Virginia Starr

"I got that from part of my life and it is no good." Gloria Pelkey
"Love is alot better then hate." (i like this one)

Sherry has every right to her feelings, we all do. Gloria, you did well summarizing such a complex set of events. You are right. Mean and hateful is not a good place to be. I hope you are still in touch with your friends. You are now a computer geek like us all so I have set you up with an e mail account, in case your friends want to email some pictures or something private. Who knows maybe Oprah may buy you a computer if you ask nicely. And lessons how to use it, lol.

Oh yeah, i set up an account HERE for my father, or Afather to keep it clear, he is --> MikeADAD he feels a connection and wishes to express himself. Hi Dad.

Dad knows alot about computers and setting them up. He's shooting digital, stills over in the capital, Victoria, BC. Or how i like to call it VicBoria.

Say hi to Carl and nice to hear you've got each other too. Maybe Oprah will give us a triple wedding, lol. You have to get it on a day when your computer classes are finished.

I had to go down on one knee in the rain for my bride-to-be to glide over on roller blades and collect her ring and her man.

What was your engagement like Dad??

Good luck fishing and you have done my eyes tired.

Goodnight all.

Love Colin

[John92]

Hi Colin(bBrother)

Well brother,if communicating our reunion here is the way you wish to start things,then thats just fine with me.I would hate to deny my brother of anything he wants.As far as others profiting from us sharing,well if we can help even one person through some tough times then that would be great.I can't imangine how much it would have helped me to have such a site as this to turn to for support.Having a record of reunion to look back on is fantastic for us as well as our future family members.I to leave the slate open for others to ask questions and comment openly.

i'm rereading the previous threads as i writing this and trying to reply to your thoughts as i get to them.

I too am happy to finally hear from you as i have been worried sick about you.I can now rest easy knowing you are alive and healthy.I would love to meet you and get to know you.It means the world to me that you feel the same.

I was adopted by a family of six which included a mother,father and four other children,three boys and a girl who where all older then myself.Later my aMother had another girl and then a boy,so there is a total of seven children in my afamily.

I also was born in Winnipeg and lived there until i was seven.At that time we moved to(get this)Alymer,Quebec which as you know is across the river from Ottawa.That was in 1972.I lived there untill i move here to Calgary in 1980.

I was thirteen when first left home.I was wroking and had enough money to get my own place but was unable to find any accomidations that would rent to a thirteen year old.I ended up staying at the Salavation Army for about a week.It took them that long to figure out who i was and who my parents where.The Salavation Army then arranged a meeting with a counselor and my parents to determine my future.I had to decide whether I wanted tobe a ward of the court or to go back and live with my aFamily.MY aParents assured me that things would get better at home,which they did for about three weeks.Then it went back to the same old story which I refused to live like.I had a friend who lived down the street from our place that I ended up staying with until I moved here to Calgary where my oldest aBrother lived.I lived with him for about two months until I found work and could get my own place.He moved onto Edmonton.So I have been on my own ever since.(Sandy says it should be every since...lmao)please feel free to correct me on this one.

We can get into more details at a later date.

I have yet to be able get over my childhood experiences but i think getting to know you will go along way in helping deal with my past.I know meetig our bMother and getting to know her helped me put alot of my anger to rest.Deep in my heart,I hope that you to will find some peace of mind in meeting our bMom,and finally be able to put some or your skeletons to rest.I love her very much.

I need to take a food break and go to the store i will continue a bit later.

Love John

[colin]

I appreciate the favor to allow our mediated arena. And It is great Glorias Neighbour has helped. I am much obliged, or thanky v.much.

Wow i sure would have read this thread if i was still searching, and in a way i am. We'll be on Oprah for sure, lol.

The record of our letter will be a keeper in my library for sure.

I do want you all to know am willing to meet, maybe in the spring, I don't own a parka anymore, lol.

Youngest kid too, eh. Now i see why the thrill of a younger brother is all yours. Enjoy it, I am. I am envious you had a sister. I hope all was well for you.... Wait ... I just re-read that. You also had a younger brother too, you were not the youngest for long.

Wow, you were just across the river, we moved there July '77 till July '79 if my calculations are correct. For grade 5 and 6. I loved my Ottawa suburb, The only years i didn't have to bus to school. Ah the freedom.

Did you watch the sail boats on the river? Dad had a sailboat. First water adventure trip three weeks around the triangle.

Sue asks "When were you born?" She wants to know your sign.

I was eleven when i tried to run away, while living in Ottawa. I didn't even make it past my brain. I had no hopes of making it, after packing my bag and calculating my money. I just flopped onto the bed and cried.

And my events were not dramatic at all at that time, except for my aBrother.

As for your experience, i welcome the boundary drawn and respect that we will continue to freely discuss at a later date.

It is this unique position where i want to introduce my afamily in good light. I cannot blame all my ghosts on adoption, nor do i look for solution in any one event. But a new perspective is always an asset. I just have to take care of myself for awhile, and let Sue shower her care too. I trust we are all going through unique experiences, powerful and unexpected emotional directions.

I've read a hundred self help books and tapes, enough to have a few things rub off. I've even taken college level counseling courses to cut through my dark corridors. I'm well confident our reunion will go smoothly and fufilling.

You all sound like you want nothing more.

Love Colin

[sweetnoodle]

Probably no one else wants to interrupt this thread, and I certainly feel hesitant as well, but I just wanted to thank you all for being willing to be so open, really, really thank you.

Sincerely,

[colin]

Thank you Nancy

[John92]

hi Colin,
I just stopped in for a sec as I am off to play in a turnament.
My birth date is Jan.8,1964(for Sue).Sorry all i assumed you had that stat.
I will be back soon.


P.S. tyvm Nancy,drop by anytime.


Love John.

[colin]

Hi I'm back

Things have been a little overwhelming the past couple of days. I Have so much on the go.

I have just reunited with you guys.

I am 1/2 Ukranian, 1/4 scottish, 1/4 irish, zero % hungarian (too bad Sue).

I am wanting to buy a windsurfer to put in the ocean a couple blocks away, yet i have windsurfed only once but want to learn for real before i get too old to try. This is for me, for exercise, fun, diversion, health, spirit and friends.

I have to apply for membership in the Special Effects Department of the International Association of Theatrical and Stage Workers. I have completed the required permit days now i just have to accomplish the mountain of papework and update my courses. This is for money, fun and fufillment of a dream.

I have got to bring my Afamily up to date on the recent events and to create time to dedicate to our relationships. The recent reunion has knocked a few things off balance for a bit.

I have even signed my non-geek mother up for an account here so she can get support from other AMoms during this time.

I need to continue to pour love and affection on my Fiancee, she is hungarian, Ukraine's neighbour, that's why the joke about 0% hungarian. Our relationship, and selves have improoved so much over the past year and i really hope for the best.

I have also got to take time for the relationship i have with myself. It is a bit of a shocker having all this going on.

I know i am feeling this differently over the days and it is still sinking in. I've got so many questions.

Gloria, you have now found out all your little babies are now happy, and healthyish. How are you? Is this a fully positive experience for you? Or are there eyes looking out from around dark corners? As in unexpected emotions not related to this reunion.

John, you have seemed to be the detective in your reunion, have you found your bFather?

I want to be open and honest. When i finally decided to search it was instigated by a friend. Me and my friend Samee were playing "moving guys" to help out one of his friend's business's cause he has a newborn.

In the past Samee had a couple of old time buddies that were adopted and reunited. Samee told me that he personally tracked down and delivered the Bmom phone number to one of his friends. He made it sound all so possible.

I met Samee in a college counselling course. Samee also has a firm university backgound in analytical Psychology and stressed that it would really be a good idea for me to check things out. He even offered to do all the legwork.

Before I was willing to get him to lift a finger i was going to put in my own honest effort. So the search began.

I still haven't established any goals with respect to this reunion and that is quite foreign to me because i am very goal orientated.

I had romantic impressions of finding 100% siblings to look into their eyes to discover this genetic link the rest of the world talks about. And i was a little dissappointed that this would not be the case. Yet i do see a genetic link in John's picture. Is it there cause i want it to be there? Mike says he see's little resemblance.

>>> I just got another call for work, yay. Grandville Street 7PM, for "I ROBOT", Will Smiths next sci-fi.

Back to the story...

So i sit here and try to comprehend what i feel.

Maybe i'll get back to this later. Cause i have to go back to bed and prepare for night shift.

Love Colin